Author: marilyn

Well you might ask . . what has cows got to do with Saturn . . . and boundaries?  That area where they’re standing is the northern boundary of ‘my’ property .  It’s been an ‘issue’ that’s occupied some of my head space for sometime . . . over the last 2 years (during the last Saturn cycle).  You see, the boundary fence is in the wrong place . . .  considerably further up than it should be . .  so the neighbours cows automatically congregate there, as that’s where the gorgeous dam is . . . then they continue on to my place.  I don’t  mind ’cause they keep the grass down . . . . and they’re nice to have around . . . when they’re not making a god awful racket . . . at 2am in the morning . . right outside my bedroom window!  It’s usually when Mum and Bub are caught on different sides of the fence . . .  it can be torture . .  . trying to sleep.  There have been times . . . when I couldn’t stand it anymore. . .  up out of bed . . . and chasing these bloody cows all around the paddock at 2am in the morning. . . . not impressed!  But they’re naturally sweet . . . of course  . . . when they behave!!

So I wanted my ‘own’ animals in the paddock . . .  then they wouldn’t get caught on different sides of the fence . . . and it’s nice to have your own  . . .I’d never send them off to the abattoir . . . shudder, shudder.  But this meant having a new fence put up in the right place so then the boundaries between the properties would be clear.  Well . . . you know how neighbours can be (of course . . . always sweet . . . not! . . Lets be real here (more Saturn)).  You see I moved to a small country town . . . and I was brought up a city girl . . . and I’m on my own and I’m female . . . so these country blokes reckon they have me pegged . . . . bloody infuriating.  I tried my best . . . I was friendly, I was considerate (my usual self), I was cheerful, I was polite and positive . . . but he continued (my male neighbour) to walk all over me.  Yes it did eventually dawn on me. . . . .BOUNDARIES marilyn . . . .YOU NEED BOUNDARIES!  And interestingly with this last Saturn in Libra cycle . . .RELATIONSHIPS . . . most definitely were huge learning lessons . . . . relationships of many different kinds . . .  not just the romantic/love kind.  I had relationships with my country neighbours, with the small village I’d moved to . . .  and the people in it . . . my own personal relationship ended (after a long time) . . .my relationship with my body . . . was centre stage . . . my relationship with the Land grew exponentially . .  my relationship with Energy . . . my relationship with myself . . . . . yes siree a super big cycle of Relationship lessons.

Anyway . . .I knew it was time . . . time for those boundaries . . . in all ways.  So called up the guy . . . and the fence is being done weekend after next.  Now that’s significant . . . ’cause it’s not just physical . . .  this is also energetic . . . .I’m creating my boundaries around me . . . . something that’s not always been easy for me . . .  with my saturation of Neptune . . . . Neptune dissolves boundaries . . . . which can be useful at times, yes . . but boundaries are also very necessary.  So I’ve set an intention . . . to create boundaries in my life . . . . and during this time as Saturn moves house . . . this is significant . . . . it’s a real accomplishment (more Saturn) for me . . . .  I’m making sure I’m safe and secure during the next Saturn cycle . .  in Scorpio.

Astrologers will often mention to look back to the last time a planet went through a specific journey . . . . Saturn last transversed Scorpio  back in 1982 -84.  Well I don’t have to think much to remember those years . . .  they were BIG.  I’d experienced a drastic change in environment . . .  I’d been living in an Ashram for 10 yrs and moved out it 1981 . . .  my dearest Mother was battling cancer . . .  she died, so young, in 1982 . . . I experienced pregnancies (a surprise!! didn’t think it was possible), terminations, extreme trauma, relationship breakdown (whilst pregnant) . . . heaps of unresolved emotions . . .  whilst hormones raged through me.  My dear brother in jail (he’s not a criminal) . . . he called from the prison pleading with me to bail him out before the end of the day . . . . some prisoners had put a contract out on him . . . and they were going to kill him that night. . . . fortunately I was able to do this, it took a bit thou! Yes Scorpionic energy was everywhere . . . and Saturn’s lessons needed to be learnt . . . unfortunately, sometimes it’s the hard way.

In 1984 my beautiful boy was born . . .at the end of such a concentrated time.  Such an amazing blessing he has always been . . .a very special soul . . . with a heart full of such beauty and love . . . I feel very blessed to have him in my life.  Yes Saturn’s lessons were hard . . .  I obviously needed to learn them . . .  but the rewards were magnificent.

I have no fear (more Saturn) of this coming Scorpio cycle . . .  in fact it feels magnificent . . . Saturn takes us on a ride . . . . up hills, over deserts . . . but always brings us to the most amazing oasis. . . . we need to trust this.  Saturn is solid . . . Saturn is real . . . Saturn protects with his boundaries . . . Saturn builds . . . . he’s so very wise . . . he understands the meaning of Time . . . he governs cycles . . . also the cycle of Life and Death . . . he’s there when we need to leave . . . . he teaches us all about Life . . .  he really is a very loyal friend.

So get to know your friend Saturn . . . no he won’t pamper your ego . . . he’s got his feet on the ground . . . and boy he knows about Life . . .  and he’s the master of these lessons.  So when the times get hard . . . listen more carefully . . . he’s trying to tell you something.  He’ll definitely be there when you stray off the path . . . . he can be strict . . . and a wee bit authoritarian.  But he knows what he’s doing . . . he’s taking you through life . . . now that’s pretty amazing . .  he actually constructs the very structure of your body . . . your bones. . . . the frame on which your body operates.  So if you’re experiencing Saturn symptoms look a little closer . . .  what is he trying to tell you . . . you may have wandered where it’s not safe for you . . . . he’ll be the first one there . . . to let you know.

So sitting on the cusp . . . as Saturn moves into a new home . . .  there’ll be lots of lessons . . . that’s for sure . . . . but listen to him . . . . he’s working for your good . . .  trust him . . .  and he’ll lead you to where you want to go.

Oodles of Love. . . . and bountiful Saturn travels

lotsa luv. . . .  marilynxxxx

(ps . . .this blog’s been  hard work (more Saturn . . .) WordPress doing all sorts of strange things this morning . . . . but perseverance. . . . also Saturn . . .)

Sydney skyline as the Sun sets . . . . on an amazing few days

With a Moon in Capricorn (Astrological Natal Chart) . . . I’m meant to experience comfort with structure; needing to feel walls around me, for protection and safety.  My walls are the Earth . . . under my feet, the sky above my head . . . the trees and the mountains . . . protecting my sensitive energy.

Structure and discipline . . . I’ve avoided with much insistence . . . now, others looking my way . . may not concur with this statement.  But I know, I live with me . . . I know my ways . . . my habits, my tendencies . . . I see, in somethings, I’m avoiding certain experiences . . and feelings.

Yes, I have Gemini on the Ascendant . . . the way I approach things; the Ascendant, in Astrology, describes our very 1st impulse!  It was the moment we were born . . we ‘came out’ into this energy . . a uniqueness that will never be duplicated . . . ever, ever, ever.

So you see the importance . . of being ‘YOU’ . .  Here and Now!  Or else that unique expression of Vital Force will never be available to anyone . . . ever again.

And then you think of the millions . . and millions of people . . each one a unique creation put here for a purpose.  Now I’m not a religious person . . .meaning I don’t follow a religion, I made that choice very early in my journey; but the stories I hear . . . of God, the Creation and ‘man made in the image of God’ . . well, pretty spot on . . . don’t you think?

A Human Being . . a Divine creation . . each and every one of us . . perfectly created . . to celebrate and create a unique space for our happiness.

Back to the Ascendant . . . the very moment we are born . . . colours us, vibrates us . . with a certain energetic resonance.  It motivates the very way we step forward . . the direction we head . . our choices.  How we like to be involved with LIFE in general . . . also giving us certain physical characteristics . . . specific parts that are particularly sensitive; and an image . . . the way other people perceive us.

Well I started this with ‘Structure & Discipline’ . . . then looking at my Gemini Ascendant.  My focus is generally to be free and unrestricted . . . like a butterfly fluttering from one gorgeous flower to another . . . collecting information, memories, visuals and vibrations.  Also the ‘mental’ is very active here, sometimes restless . . . looking for more.  Gemini often needs reminding that there’s a Body connected to that head . . . and with a Virgo Sun . . . I’m reminded of this often.

So Capricorn Moon needs structure to feel safe . . . but what kind of structure . .. that’s the discrimination needed.  So at this huge Full Moon (last night, the exact moment) . . . boy wasn’t it a doozy . . . the vibes didn’t start hitting me till early evening . .. I said to myself . . .GEEZ . . . this energy is potent!!!  I could feel it in my body . . . I experienced the ‘flashes’ . . . flashes to the past . . . relationships, memories and emotions.  I felt the heaviness . . . I became incredibly tired (probably exacerbated by overdoing during the day) . . . decided bed was the very best option.

So slept away this very big Full Moon, felt safer, more protected . . . a kind of structure, yes . . . in my sheets, doona and walls of my bedroom.  I pulled in my energy, I slept deeply . . . I dreamed . . . I awoke very early this morning (my dear friend Snowie (cat) makes sure of that!!) to a brand new day.  The critical point of the Moon’s energy passed over . ..  doing what she came to do . . . leaving us with, what we’ve learnt . . . experienced . . . and from what point we will now walk forward.

This Structure and Discipline thing, I know, hasn’t finished for me yet . . .  a lot there still to be uncovered . . . and to learn.  Thank you dearest Mother Moon . . . thank you Pluto . . . thank you Uranus . . . thank you Venus and Mars . . . and the contribution of the Nodes.

Astrology’s a fascinating Science . . . it has its place . . .  and can be helpful.

Oodles of Love . . . . Full Moon Blessings . . .  and don’t forget . . . you get to choose . . . your direction.

Lotsa luv. . . .  marilynxxxxx

Step by step

Well . . . a lot’s happened since the last post . . . . been away, refreshed . . . . and you could say ‘reborn’.  My Life is clearer, fresher and more ‘here’. . . .my heart sings with fullness . . . . and, as always, I feel incredibly grateful!

It’s Full Moon day. . . . a big one too . . . . lots of transformational and NEW energy . . . . bursting from the seams.  It’s Harvest Moon in the Northern Hemisphere . . .down here in the South . . . it follows the Spring Equinox . . . so illuminating the newness, the renewal . . . and the flowering.

Now sometimes Pluto attracts a bit of flack . . .  he’s a very big boy . . . and he can throw his weight around . . .when it’s needed.  You see, this Full Moon is heavily influenced by Pluto. . . .Uranus too . . . the big players of our time.  How I see it is. . . that everything in Life is focused on Life. . . may not appear that way sometimes . . . but Life only knows Life . . like Light only knows Light.  But there are times when destruction is required . . .  to rid ourselves of cancerous cells.

Humans are amazing . . they are . . .they can be really clever . . . and gobsmackingly stupid!  It’s like we have this very fine barometer. . . the needle swaying with every movement.  We’re influenced by a lot. . . .’cause our focus wanders . . . like a jack-in-the-box . . . . we jump around everywhere.  And when we lose our focus . . . we lose our ‘knowing’.

So in the world of Astrology . . . Pluto’s known as the ‘destroyer’ . . . but he has a purpose in all he’s doing.  He’s a natural Life Form . . . a planetary body in our Solar System . . . so his focus is on Life . . . and hence on Living.  But us Humans we get a little lost . . . as we pursue our fantasies . . .caught up in one illusion . . . after another.  So the time come when ‘trimming’ is required . . . got’a get rid of all the dead wood . . . time for pruning . . .  to foster new growth. . . . Pluto excels at this.

The we have Uranus . . . travelling at lightning speed . . . . such brilliance and innovation . . .he’s only interested in where we’re heading.  He’s full of clear intelligence . . . . a focus on humanity . . . . he holds the seeds . . . of our brilliant future.

So you see . . .they’re not bad guys . . . . where would we be without them . . . .Yes, it’s a powerful Full Moon . . . . but full of so much Magick!

When I stop . . . and be still . . . and breathe in this precious air . . . I witness the ‘being-ness’ of everything . . . the compassion and the care.  The beauty and the serenity . . . . the giving . . . and the protection . . . . Life is surely the greatest miracle . . . that any of us . . . . will ever experience.

Bathe in the Beauty. . . .breathe in the brilliance. . . .another day . . . another gift . . . . boy are we lucky . . . .

lotsa luv

marilynxxxx

                    this morning’s new Sun . . .

In slow mode today. . .after a ‘treatment’ yesterday. . . .always forget. . .how sensitive my body is.  I’m not a big Massage girl. . .prefer other modalities. . .but my Body needed something. . . .it was making that obvious.  So knew a bit about this fellow. . .reputed to have a natural gift. . .I like those kinds. . .. goes deeper into the core, can access more ‘things’.    And with Chiron and Mars in Scorpio. . .and an 8th house Moon. . . .I really like to go deep; not physically. . . . .energetically.

So this morning. . .hard to move. . .as I said, I always forget. . .such a finely tuned instrument. . .is my body.  Energy has always interested me. . .and I’m trained in Energy modalities. . .I tune into it naturally. . .I find it tells a more complete story.  So living in times of massive transformation. . .to make changes. . .somethings need abandoning.  Now not the horrible feeling of abandonment. . .that some of us may have carried.. .but the good sort. . .getting rid of old, heavy baggage. . . .now that’s exciting.

We all need to travel so much lighter. . . on all levels, really. ..  .carrying ‘stuff’ around. . .only consumes precious energy.  And we need that energy for ourself. . .to feed our wholeness. . .Life is for celebrating. . .and experiencing the Magick!  The winds are blowing. . .the Earth is shifting. . .everything on Earth. . is undergoing this re-adjusting.  But as humans we have a very special gift. . .that is to Know our Divinity. . .to consciously know it. . .and let it saturate our living.  Everything on Earth was given with such Love and Kindness. . .to comfort and feed us. . .to accompany us on our journey.  We are loved. . .beyond, beyond. . .beyond comprehension. . .by our mind that is. . .only our Heart can understand this.

So in a process of ‘off-loading’ old knots and blockages. . . old things stored for many an eon.  So much is happening. . .so much is being given. . .letting go of the past. . . .welcoming the future. . .and in this very moment. . .experiencing the Magick. . . .leaves you a bit awestruck really. . . . .

Tune into the magick. . .let go of what’s no longer needed. . .it will be obvious. . .and welcome, with open arms. . .your magnificent future. . . .

THANK YOU’s don’t cover it.

much love

marilynxxxx

Energy for growth is powerful and strong. . .a corner has been turned. . .we’re heading a new way.  Check your compass. . . make sure  you know where you’re heading.  We are now in the last quarter of 2012. . . down here in Oz land it’s Springtime and Summer.  The winter has been long, cold and frosty. . . but Spring has arrived. .  Life cannot be contained any longer.  It’s literally bursting it’s containers. . . everything is alive. . .singing and dancing. . .blossoming colours. . .rejoicing in the Sun’s rays.  What a magickal time. . .Life is so vibrant. . you can feel it. . . under your skin. . . drawing you outwards and onwards.

It’s been a big year. . .or really a few years now. . .but particularly concentrated this 2012.  The last few months have been rich in transformation. . .but I can feel now, something else is happening.  The physical often takes a while to catch up with the energy. . .so looking around much may not have altered. . .but I can feel it. . .it’s definitely heading in a new direction.  We can never lose hope, faith and trust. . .look we’re alive, what kind of miracle is that.  So these last few months of 2012. . .I believe great things can happen in all our lives.  Watch, look and listen. . .follow your inner promptings. . .. sense the magick. . .’cause it’s really happening.

Take full advantage of this time. . .to Birth. . .to Renew. . .to Thrive. . .to Flower. . . .your own unique colours. . . .a lot is happening. . . Magick is unfolding.

lots and lots of love

marilynxxxx

A Blue Moon. . .A Full Moon. . .saturated with Chiron. . . .yes we’re living in 2012. . .. the times they are concentrated indeed!  But they bring many opportunities.  The energy of this Full Moon has been building all week. . . literally of course, the Moon waxes to her fullness. . . .but also in our bodies.  The Moon has a strong connection to our body. . .she rules over all our fluids. . .she influences the ‘tides’ within us. . . our emotions and our feelings.  In Astrology she’s connected to our past, our Mother, our home, our Ancestors. . . .she imprints the flesh we’re made from. . .she gives us access to our memories.

Within our body we store our memories. . .those that are conscious and unconscious. . . .we also store all ‘happenings’ that we’ve encountered on our journey.  Some of these we’re not aware of. . .in our day-to-day living. . .but they contribute to the very flesh. . .our bodies are made from.  Nothing disappears. . . .all is stored away neatly and securely in the cells of our body.

Memories that have a ‘charge’. . .of sadness, grief or trauma. . . .lodge themselves in a way that creates a blockage in our body.  Just as it does when we experience it. . . it ‘shocks’ us.  When the tissues are shocked they also create a wall around them. . .to keep out any perceived invaders.  These blockages stop the natural flow of Life. . .so necessary to keep our bodies working. . .the blood, the muscles, the nervous system all become affected.  The body’s an incredible creation. . .such superior intelligence. . .but it’s also very sensitive. . .it’s made from Life energy. . .which is pure. . .full of Love and Beauty.  It needs this energy to function properly.

So none of us escape the challenges in life. . .we all carry around our internal scars. . . .but there comes a time when they begin to interfere with our actual body functions. . .in a way that threaten our life.  Our internal scars. . . .need love and healing. . .to sooth their ragged edges.

So tomorrow the Full Moon’s at her peak. . .just a minute or two before mid-night (east coast Oz time). . . .but the energies have been building strongly all week. . .bringing our attention. . .to what needs our focus.

So if you get a chance to go outside. . . .bathe in the Moon’s luscious rays. . .let her Moonbeams shower over your head. . .feel in your body what’s calling for your attention. . .then ask for all these to be bathed and healing. . . .letting go of all no longer needed.  You are safe, you are protected. . .your are nurtured and loved. . . .you have the gift of Life. . . .you’re doing well.

May all the Angels bring you even more blessings. . . .on this special weekend . . .and remember sometimes you just need to acknowledge the pain. . .before you can let it go. . . .

lotsa luv

marilynxxxx

“Nothing is a coincidence. . . .” (my Dad’s favourite saying). . . .everything has a reason (mine).  This morning I’m comfy and warm in my bed. . .looking out to the beautiful day. . .on the other side of my bedroom windows.  I’m not feeling very good.  Where this came from. . .is anyone’s guess.  The headache started overnight, it woke me many times. . .late yesterday felt achy and sore and very tired.  My guess?  The Chiron Full Moon approaching.

Everything is energy. . .everything can be felt. . . .and within us we carry all we’ve experienced.  If we want to move forward. . .into brand new lands. . . somethings need to be left behind. . .their purpose complete.  I’ve mentioned before, being a wee sensitive soul. . .certainly has its gifts and ‘other’ things at times.  It sometimes feels like there aren’t any walls between me and everything else. .  . .the boundary walls of my castle. . .are very permeable indeed!

But what I’ve learnt is there’s a message, in everything that comes forth. . .everything tells a story. . .I just need to listen to what’s being said.  Now sometimes the language is different. . .may need a little translating. . .and messages come in feelings. . .and also body symptoms.  I’ve often experienced that during times of illness. . .major messages are being channeled.

What it feels like. . .is there’s toxicity. . .in my body that needs releasing. . . .now this is not just physical. . .nothing ever is.  We’re composed of many elements. . .the physical is only one. . .we’re a kaleidoscope of events and happenings. . .feelings, thoughts and emotions.  So when the body turns up the volume. . .it’s trying to get my attention. . .stop, look and listen. . .I have something important to tell you.

Full Moon times are peak times of the cycle. . . .illuminating all that’s present. . .she doesn’t just light up the sky with her brilliance. . . she also illuminates our internal environment.  2012 has been a big year. . .well, it’s actually been building for a few years now. . . .but such a massive time of cleansing. . . .we live in times unprecedented.

So when we go down with a headache, a flu. . .or some other malady. . .listen very carefully. . . .something important is being conveyed. . .to you personally.  The Body’s very good at getting you to stop. . .when it needs your attention. . .personally, I’ve found these to be significant times. . . .elevated times of awareness and learning.

So will snuggle down. . . .sleep and rest. . .and a good book if needed.  Everything else will have to wait. . .important business is happening.

lotsa luv

marilynxxx

            little marilyn looking a bit ‘out-of-it’!

Writing those words. . .’out-of-it’. . . .realised that’s a phrase that’s familiar. . .been expressed often. . .over the years.  Now. . .. this is a first. . .a big day. . . .the first time EVER. . .I’ve written about ‘Disability’.  Well first. . .the version in the dictionary. . .’inability to do something e g pursue an occupation because of physical or mental impairment, handicap, legal disqualification’. . . .’Disable’ – to deprive of, to cripple.

And the Thesaurus (one of my favourite books!) Disability is . . .handicap, affliction, disorder, defect, impairment, disablement, infirmity.  And if you are ‘disabled’ you are differently-abled (I like that one), physically challenged, weakened (know about that one), crippled, paralysed, lame, mutilated, incapacitated (yes, that’s a good one. . .”I’m currently incapacitated”. . .will try that), inform and bedridden.  Written in brackets below these definitions was “referring to people with disabilities as the disabled can cause offence and should be avoided.  Instead refer to them as people with disabilities, or, possibly, disabled people or differently-abled people.”. . . .enough from the dictionaries.

Well. . .I’ve never used that word toward myself. . . .EVER.  I never even considered I had a disability. . . .nor did my family. . .or at least it was never said verbally.  I guess when I had a leg iron strapped to my little leg. . .it must have been more obvious. . . .but mentally. . .it was no part of my reality. . ..   .or was it!

The haircut. . .a leftover from hospital. . .I swear ‘they’ tried to  make us as unattractive as humanly possible!!!  Gone was my long wavy hair. . . and in its place a basin cut. . . .and a leg iron.

This back to the past stuff started a couple of days ago.  Ending up in one of those ‘out-of-it’ spaces. . .I was looking through some old journals. . .actually sparked off by Jupiter. . . .!!! you say. . .well, was curious (Gemini Ascendant) as to what was happening in my life. . .when Jupiter (the planet) was in the same spot as he is now. . . .around 12 yrs ago.  Fortunately I record a lot of stuff. . .so my journals are always enlightening!  And there I was. . .struggling.  I forget. . . .often. . .which is certainly not a bad thing. . . I get caught up with all the Beauty and Magick around me. . . it’s very real for me.  But I’d have to be thicker than thick. . .to not know I have issues with my Body. . .from time to time. . .and last few years. . .more regularly.

I’m the eternal optimist. . .and I understand and have training in ‘Energy’.  I’ve always been curious. . . and I always go searching for ‘answers’. . . .or at least a way that ‘feels’ good to me.  Having Polio as a toddler exposed me to many different things. . .so in essence my life was different. . .but it brought out my innate gifts and talents. . .. I figure they go back in my family line. . . .the Earth and her Healing Magick.  Life is always giving. . .I see that constantly. . .everything we need has been provided. . . .we don’t have to manufacture or ‘discover’ it. . . .if we open our eyes and our mind. . .we’ll see it before us.  It blows me away. . .the awesome intelligence. . . .like, certain foods grow at certain times of the year. . . because that’s when we need them. . . how incredible is that!  Also, if you look around your garden. . . .hopefully it’s not been doused in chemicals. . . you’ll find nature’s medicine magickally appearing. . . .yes. . .the weeds!!

Back to the trips to the past. . .and me talking about ‘disability’.  You see there’s been a lot of hiding. . .a lot of pretence. . .of lot of denial and a lot of ‘doing what you’re told’.  You see the last Polio epidemic happened in the ’50’s. . .for those who aren’t familiar. . .creating illusions. . .was what was happening. . . .perfect pictures of perfect families. . .. usually coming our of America.  Neptune in Libra. . . .the illusion of beauty, peace and harmony. . .coming after the second world war and the depression. . .people wanted to believe things were now perfect.  Now disability is not part of the perfect picture.  I watched a documentary on the Polio Epidemics in the US back then. . .. the greatest FEAR at that time. . .was not death (’cause Polio did kill people). . . .but disability. . . .it shocked me!

Well I lived here in Oz. . . not the US. . .but I’m sure somethings were similar.  As I grew up. . .no-one ever spoke the dreaded P word. . . all was diverted on to the path of ‘normality’.  As I got older I did ask Mum somethings and she told me. . .but most of the time it was completely ignored, the elephant in the room. . .must have been hard when I had this metal on my smaller leg.  So why I’m saying this. . .is this is what I learnt from those around me. . . .ignore it.  Well, some would say. . .that’s a good thing isn’t it. . . .don’t want you feeling sorry for yourself. . . .I don’t think I ever felt sorry for myself. . . .but looking back now. . .there’s been a lot of hiding. . . .of lot of pretending.  I became good at it.  So good that as I became older, I always wore trousers, no one even guessed I’d had Polio . . .and I didn’t volunteer the information.

Can’t remember now. . .how long ago I admitted it. . . .some people were really surprised. . . .I looked so normal. . . .I had succeeded!  Or had I?

That’s enough about the past. . .now is now. . . .and I love life. . .and feel so grateful for everything I have. . . .but this hiding and pretending has come at a price. . . .a price I’m now paying.  Don’t get me wrong. . .there’s no poor me here. . . .quite the opposite really. . .but what I’ve learnt. . . .if it can help anyone else. . . is not to pretend. . . or try to be what you’re not. . . .it gobbles up too much energy.

You see being an ‘individual’ and a tad ‘nonconformist’. . .I don’t like labels. . .and I’m not a great fan of the Modern Medical System. . .I’m just not. . .I’m sure they have their place. . . but  not in my life thank you.  It’s why I ventured into Natural Therapies. . .and how I came across this incredible bounty of Mother Nature.  So I try to stay away from the ‘diagnosis’ (Post Polio). . . .and ‘find’ myself everyday. . .honour my feelings and how I feel. . . .and don’t feel ashamed when I can’t ‘do’ what I used to do. . . I have to keep my focus strong there. And create a healing environment in my life. . .treat myself and my body with loving kindness. . . ..and all the Healing Magick that exists in dearest Mother Nature.

So the new chapter in my life is. . . ..what is comfortable, nurturing, supportive, enlivening, engaging (my heart). . . .and just plain beautiful and enjoyable.  I’m learningto listen to my own needs first. . . .I’m a beginner, I’ll admit it. . . .especially with the psyche of a ‘Healer’. . . but I love this life and I want to be here as long as possible. . . there’s still so much I haven’t expressed. . . .so many of my delicious gifts. . . .from my dear Ancestors. . . .so I’m determined. . .in the gentlest, gentlest way.  I guess I’ve always been determined. . .what with Mars in Scorpio. . . jeez.z.z. it’s almost killed me!!  But now the gently, loving, nurturing determination of my Heart. . . .and Venus. . . . .Love, love, love

lotsa luv

and take advantage of all the incredible energy available. . . .for healing

marilynxxxxxxxxxxxxx

                          Sunset last night

The last few days I’ve been feeling so tired. . .so exhausted.  Now these events are familiar. . .they’ve been part of my journey.  My reactions are also quite familiar. . .frustration, resistance and sometimes so tired that just plain teary.  I hate being vulnerable!  I know, that’s a strong word.. . .and I probably don’t hate it. . .it just confuses me.

You see. . . I just don’t know when it’s going to happen. . .or what I’ve done to bring it on.  Call me thick, I am at times. . .I’ve been told for years. . to not overdo it.  But what is overdoing. . .need to be a genius to work that one out. . .it’s so individual.  Well, the people on the Post Polio site say ‘don’t do anything if you are tired’. . .well, I say. . .I would never have done much!

Yes, I know. . . .I need to be more in tune with my body. . .it’s been a long journey with this learning.  What I can do and what I can’t. . .usually don’t know till I’m struggling to keep body operating. . . .that’s why I get frustrated!!  At times, over the years. . .I’d also get angry with myself. . .I’m supposed to be bright. . . .so how come so stupid.  Ok, Ok. . .I’m not being down on myself here. . . I’m not. . .I’m just observing. . . there’s a difference.

I think back. . .what did I do yesterday. . .’cause this morning having difficulty breathing. . .I’m a mess. . .and I so wanted to plant those Agapanthas today. . .they’ve been sitting in buckets of water for a couple of days. . . .AND. .it’s a great Moon day for planting.  Well it could have been all the digging I did. . .removing them from their stubborn roots.   And that other digging you did a few days ago. . .pulling with every fibre of muscle power you had. . .and from what ‘they’ say. . . those muscles of yours ain’t ‘normal’ (nerve damage from Polio).  And then cleaning the house yesterday. . .it’s a very big house. . .and the fire each night. . .so warm and gorgeous. . .does make the house more dusty. . .and yes I am a Virgo, I like things to ‘feel’ clean.  And the strange thing. . .whenever I feel tired or out of sorts. . I’ll often want to clean.  I’m sure it’s an ‘energy’ thing for me. . . need to clean up the energy around me. . . it does work. . .but sometimes I overdo it. . .and . . . . . .

Yes, I know I do it to myself. . .but it always takes me by surprise. . .each time. . .am I thick or what?

Anyway. . .last night after I’d lit the fire and before I turned on my ‘Soap’ addiction (it’s been a bit heavy lately, don’t like it). . .I went for a walk outside.  Now I live in this magickal place. . .Ancestors, Faeries, Light Spirits everywhere. . .I’m very lucky.  It’s a big place, a property and I can’t really take care of it myself. . .but somehow we’ve managed so far, not sure what the future holds. . .but for now it’s magickal and I’m very, very fortunate to be here.  It’s a real genuine Healing Environment. . .true blue!  And boy have I needed it these last 2 years.  Back to outside last night. . .the sky, again, pure magick. . . .my eyes went straight to the Moon. . .she was glowing, golden. . .and she sat above that gorgeous triangle. . .that’s been in the western sky for a while. . . Mars, Saturn and Spica. . .sensational.  She was snuggling up to Mars. . .with Saturn not too far away.  It got me thinking!

Moon with Mars. . .Moon with Saturn. . .over these last few days. . .the days when I’ve been out to the count. . .totally exhausted and body struggling.  I said to myself . . . ‘.we are fluid, we are emotional beings. . ..  .our emotions create an energetic state. . .which effects our physical and mental’.  That’s what the ‘Attraction’ principle is based on.  It was a light bulb moment. . .and it happened by going outside and looking up at the sky.  Yes my Astrological knowledge helps me understand the personal affects of planetary energies.

I thought. . .is that what’s been happening these last few days. . .yes there’s the physical things we do. . .but as I’ve mentioned before, I’m extremely energetically sensitive. . .born that way I reckon. . . so energies affect me strongly.  Now, mentally I wasn’t aware of the Moon aspecting Saturn and Mars. . .my head’s just not had the space for all that lately. . .but looking up at the sky last night. . .I understood something.

I also may have mentioned before. . that my natal Moon is in Capricorn. . . .and I have a Virgo Sun. . .so vulnerability ain’t high on the list for either of these folk.  Add to that the very early years I spent enclosed in hospital walls for a very long time. . . vulnerability was not an option. . .it just wasn’t!!  So it’s not something that’s been easy for me to feel. . .yet when I do. . .amazing things happen.  I feel I am more in touch with ‘me’ and moments of creative brilliance occur.  I’ve begun many a creative project. . .or ‘received’ brilliantly creative inspiration. . .when I’ve been vulnerable. . .usually preceded by my body collapsing.  Now is that necessary. . . .or is there another way.  Maybe that’s the lesson of the moment.

With a Gemini Ascendant. . .I can live in my head. . .well Virgo’s can drift that way as well. . . .the head and the body were different planets for me. . .often. . . now that ain’t healthy.  I’ve learnt, mostly the hard way, to listen to my body. . . I’m still in kindergarten.  I just hope I get it before I push my body over the edge. . .now that would be a real pity; ’cause this little Virgo Gypsy girl came with many gifts and talents. . .and being a little private girl. . and leaning to solitude. . .many of her gifts and talents remain buried deep in her caverns.

2012 is a big year. .. in more ways than we understand. . . but the lessons being made available. . .are superior in their content. . .we are very lucky people. . .to be here. . . here and now.

Happy hours of in-depth discovery

muchest love

marilynxxxx

                      Morning Sun rising

What a beautiful, glorious morning. . . a fresh new cycle. . .the energy of this new cycle is from Leo.  Leo is bold, daring, dramatic, gorgeously creative, full of sunshine, warmth and generous giving.  Leo stands tall. . .she has much to be proud of. .. . her Heart is a molten, golden mass of the purest sunshine.  You can’t help but notice her. . .’cause she shines so brightly. .. . and such a loving heart. . . .she shares so generously.  I love Leo!  My Mum had her Moon in Leo. . . as a child, I experienced first hand the incredible warmth and generosity. . . .Leo’s love giving.

Each time Mum returned home from shopping, and that was most days. . . .there was always a little surprise for me and my brother.   Christmas. . . the whole floor space in the lounge room was FULL of presents, half for me and half for my brother.  Birthdays were always grand affairs. ..  .Mum’s heart overflowed with giving.  Yes I have a big spot in my Heart for Leo energy.  My Venus is in Leo. . . Venus represents what we love, what we value. . .what we are attracted to.  I’m attracted to that warmth. . .that loving. . .that generous Heart and giving spirit.

Values come up again and again for me. . . what we Love we attract into our Life. . . .also what we focus on.  I find the same values keep coming up year after year after year.  Somethings are more important to us than others. . . .and we need to honour these.  We value them for a reason. . .’cause we want them and need them in our life.

Reading my Gratitude Challenge this morning. . .Nicole was talking about Wealth. . . .what is Wealth?  She said. . . . 

“When we fill our life with the things that make us happy. . . .we are wealthy beyond measure” 

Often times, especially in our Modern World. . .we think of Wealth as money. . . .  and yes money can buy us things that make us happy. . .. . but it’s the happiness that’s the Wealth. . . .not the money. . . .Nicole also said

“Wealth is having a richness that supports your value system”

It’s having things we value. . .that make us happy. .. . we then have the wealth of happiness.  In Astrology Venus is the planet of Values. . . and also the 2nd house in the chart. . . .the house of Taurus.  Taurus builds from the Earth up. . .. we build from our values.  Our values are the foundation of our life and our desires.  It’s just that sometimes we forget what we’re really wanting.  Money alone, will never bring happiness. . . I think we all know that.  It’s a neutral energy. . .just paper and metal. . .it’s the energy given to it. . .that has value.

Anyway we’re currently celebrating the New Moon in Leo. . . .Leo ‘s creations are bold and brilliant. . .she’s a master Creator!  So what materials do we use for our creations. . .. we use our values.  It’s easy to overlook them at times. . . .they’re just there. . .sitting deeply at our foundation. . . .they don’t make a lot of noise. . .they’re just a part of our unique essence.

So maybe today is a good day. . .to pay them more attention. . .knock on their door. . .you’ll be welcomed  in with the warmest smile. . .and the most slendiferous spread.  Have a good chat. . .get to know them. . .more intimately. . .’cause they’re directing your attention.. . . all of the time.

What are your most precious values. . . .get to know them. . . .they’re always guiding you.

Grand Leonian blessings. . . .for a super wonderfully creative New Moon Cycle. . . .full of all your most precious values.

Lotsa luv

marilynxxx