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What a journey we’ve had… so early it began.  Well of course!  You are my Mother. My creation ~ the first beginnings of me began in your body.  The alchemical process of Life… the seed and the ignitor.

My body formed ~ from a tiny cell.  It grew and grew and grew.  The shell for my soul and spirit… so beautifully formed, held and nurtured in you.

We only know our time.  This place our body stand in time and space.  We can remember things ~ brief impressions ~ thoughts, feelings of before.  But here we stand.

I felt your pain… how early I don’t know.  Maybe as soon as my cells began to feel.

The horrors of war ~ such damage is caused.  The ghosts of former selves returned to haunt.  No escape from their nightmares.  The horrors with them forever.

How far we get off course.  How lost we become.  How fragmented and tortured… our body forever weeping.  For a self that will never be again.

The madness we store within… the atrocities only humans can cause.  And yet there’s the Heart ~ still full, connected to the source of everything.  That spark of eternal ~ divine they call it.  An apt description.

The vibrations of war continue down the line till someone stands and says ‘No More’.  ‘I need myself ~ I can’t live without me anymore.  I can’t live in this place of fragmented frozen haunted nothingness’.

I need to be whole again.

So beautiful your essence ~ your big warm Heart 💜  Your beautiful face… the care and kindness you radiate.  You did what you could.  You suffered like so many ~ in silence.  There was no help… no understanding or solutions.

I know you see me ~ up there wherever you reside… with our family of generations. I feel your support ~ I hear your applause ~ your cheer, your gratitude.  We’re burying the past.

A whole new beginning is shining over the horizon.  I love you so much.

❤️🌺🎂🌺❤️ marilyn

 

S u c h a beautiful morning 😊 Sun’s shining his radiant brilliance.  After weeks of wet it feels so… rebirthing. Sometimes we gotta go really deep to reach who we are.

Covered over ~ layered; deep dark muddy brown.  Self hidden under layers of protection ~ so deep it’s hard to find my self.  I’m so grateful for the training I was guided to.

Often curious ~ I’d murmur to myself ~ ‘there’s gotta be something more’. Relationships haven’t been super abundant in my life but they have formed significant and memorable chapters. Who doesn’t desire closeness and connection?  A dear friend in a storm.  Someone who feels safe and familiar ~ good to be with.  It’s a human basic need.

‘There’s gotta be something more’ I’d ponder. But too embarrassed and shy to raise the topic.  I mean who talks openly about sex?  Definitely not good, respectable girls. Yes there’s the physical ~ the natural pleasure sensations built into the body.  It’s not that though ~ is it?  It’s this hunger for something deeper.  How to connect  at that deep level ~ experience the healing power of intimacy.

Feeling tender this morning.  It was a big coaching session yesterday.  I went down another layer into the depths of me… revisiting times when major decisions were made. That became concreted into my core… influencing and directing every decision I made.

Who I am is what I do.  How I vibrate is what I attract.  How deep can I go if not first within myself?  The sacred chambers of my Heart.

The most expansive ~ the most influential ~ the most central ~ the most all encompassing.  The most intelligent.  My Heart… the centre of my Universe.  It holds, it contains, it witnesses, it guides.  It shines, it glows… it warms.  It sits quietly.

How one moment in time can influence a life.  That a pain, a shock can go so deep it changes my anatomy and redirects my course.  The hardest though ~ the most heartbreaking is it separates me from my self.

It’s tender yes.  It’s soft and vulnerable.  And it’s deep…. so deep.  This Heart of mine has a depth I feel will take my remaining days to mine. I’m super grateful for my trust… that I trust to follow the voice.

The desire for more real, more true, more close, more absorbing.  Uniting with all that is ~ all that’s been so magnificently provided.

❤️❤️❤️ marilyn

Ohhhh… dear Snowie (my long time Feline Companion) I miss her so much.  Here she is at Mahalia ~ the Sacred Healing Space we lived for bit over six years.  I left her with a friend (who loved her)… ’cause I had no idea where I was heading.

She knew ~ I knew she knew.  Through the whole moving process ~ over many months, her calm acceptance was at first surprising.  Cats can be easily disturbed by any change in their environment.  Yet through all the upheaval she remained relaxed, calm and accepting.  I knew she knew… that I couldn’t take her with me; even though it broke my heart… I sensed she understood.  Tears still.  Oh Snowie ~ how I’d love to see you again.

Sooooo much has changed since that day I handed her over to my friend ~ day before leaving our sacred space for the last time.   I feel the changes have rippled powerfully through every level of my being.  The first year away was hard… my body really struggled. Moving twelve times in one year!  For someone with Sun snuggled at the very bottom of her birth chart… my own private sacred space has always been crucial for me.  I was doing something I’d never done… stepping out into the complete unknown.

Would I recommend it ~ I don’t know.   Was it necessary for me ~ I guess it was ’cause I chose it and it happened.  I’m kinda strongly guided by my own inner vision and knowing.  I hear and see things sometimes ~ meaning visionary things, voices/messages.  I’m at a stage in my life where I’ve accepted it.  Took a while.  I understood the trait ran in my family… I grew up with it.   It still took a long time to trust and acknowledge it.   Somethings are just impossible to analyse or prove.  Specially for an analytical Virgo😊

I guess this post is a bit for me ~ a kind of acknowledgement and letting go… a kind of chord cutting.  So I can truly step into my next chapter.  I’ve been working hard this year.  Going deep into myself, depth diving into my body and psyche… in the coaching training I’ve been involved with.  So much has changed, so much has re-arranged.  So much has been released.  So much has been accepted.  So much has been healed.  It’s been an enormous year.

Change is hard.  Lets face it.  It is.  We get used to things, we get attached to things.  We identify with things.  And when they’re gone… we can feel lost, wonder who on earth we are.  Big change is huge.  But even though it’s taken me to the edge at times during these last two years… I know it was the only way (for me) to truly discover the depth of myself.  Minus all the baggage, the residues of trauma.  All the dysfunction, missing pieces and cut off bits of myself.  I needed to find them all.  I needed to be whole again.

I’m still finishing my training… and still integrating everything into myself.  Into my body and psyche.  It’s been a really big couple of years.  And knowing things as I do I figure it’s been that way for many people.  We’re living in major times of break down and renewal.  And as everything is one…  we’re all going through it.

What I most love and appreciate about myself is that I luv to grow and evolve… to become more and more and more of who I really am.  And even though I can get paralysed with fear… I’m also super brave and courageous.  I’m really beginning to love and honour myself.  It feels really good.

Much love ~ and thanks for letting me share some of my journey ❤️❤️

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stormy weather continues ~ ocean sounds wild.  Mother Earth going through changes… reacting, responding to the collective vibrations.

We hold no power over her.  At times she makes it clear who’s in control.  Most times we feel her love… bathed in her kindness, care and nurturing.  But when there’s something she needs to release… like skittles we get dropped off the board.

The power we hold is within our core.  We know right from wrong… we know love, care and kindness.  Those deals with the devil ~ so many piled on his desk.  Lured, seduced… burning for things beyond our reach.  We sign the dotted line handing over our soul.

Everything is one ~ in this great universe of light and sound.  Time and space play out… we’re here for a while… minuscule in the frame of it all.

Will we ever understand what our true nature is… as we stumble and fall, drunk with the desire of lusted power.  How small we are… how tiny our understanding.  How humble our comprehension of the great wonder of it all.

Can we stop and feel… what is calling us.  Can we bend and bow to a greatness beyond our reasoning.  Mother Earth is disturbed… and she’ll react and respond in the ways she does.  She’ll restore the balance on Earth.  Can we do the same?

❤️❤️❤️ marilyn

Surrounded ~ but alone. How familiar it is. Where is my place… where do I belong.

I’ve been here before ~ body low, nervous system on alert. System needs rest… pull back give it your attention.

It’s been worse… much worse. I’ve visited the edge. It’s familiar… but each time is new.

Is it ’cause I’m not listening… intent on doing and achieving?

Living others ways… not my own. How, why do I get lost when I need to be found.

Is everyone the same? Or are we unique in every way. Unique creations ~ never repeated. Where is our place, where is our home.

Do we wander ~ seeking looking, searching for redemption. Searching lost parts of our self we didn’t know were gone.

What’s here, what’s gone… what’s in transition in between?

Dark lanes, shady places, deep dark caves, hidden valleys, locked doors, forbidden pathways.

Burning fields filled with anguish… lost souls haunt the living. The search is never over… till we find our home.

marilyn 💖💖💖

Well there’s no denying these last weeks have been focused on ~ breaking through, apart or into something completely new.

These last dragging ‘minutes’ of Chiron’s journey through the last sign of Pisces… the ending, the completion… preparing for the new beginning.

Oh yes some folk may be more impacted than others… depending on the connection this last degree of the last sign makes to their unique energy matrix (i.e. astro chart).

It’s been gruelling for some… others may have had an easier time.  But Pisces and his ‘house’ ~ the 12th house/section of the zodiac wheel ~ represents the collective.   All of us.  It’s the container, the holding place of everything that’s ever been… where the Akashic Records are stored.  So it’s a major completion for us all ~ as a collective species, at least here on Earth.

What does that mean?  Well the answer to that lies within each one of us.  Only we know the destiny outlined for us and the steps we need to take.  Yes ~ at times (mostly) these hidden gems are well placed from our casual view.  And there’s no getting to them with our mind.  Considering we use our mind to get to near everything… where does that leave us?  A bit of deep diving I’d say.  Not something our current social system encourages.

I’ve been a deep diver for as long as I can remember… and I still find it challenging.   What is it I’m feeling?  What are the impressions, visions, flashes of insight?  What are those movements I feel in my body?  We’ve become so separate from ourselves.  When all our answers ~ at least the important ones, come from within.  From within our own body.

I’ll share a little exercise that I find helpful… especially during times when so much is arising inside and around you… thoughts, emotions, reactions, feelings, hurts and pains.

Sit or lay comfortably… close your eyes, slow your breath.  Feel the safety, comfort and security around you… the bed or the chair supporting your back, the safety of your space.  Breath deeply but gently into your belly, allow that breath to release.  Feel that precious air move through your body… bringing you life.

Take your focus inward… inside your body.  Yes you’ll be distracted, just bring it back gently.  Mind loves to think and distract.  As you focus inside your body… begin to notice the sensations.  Any sensations.  What do you feel and where do you feel it?  It can be any sensation ~ a tingle, something hurts, a numbness, a heaviness or lightness… or maybe something feels really deep.  Be curious ~ just observe.  Observe the activities, the feelings and sensations happening inside your body.

If one area draws your attention… give it your focus and love.  Give it space to express… does it have something to say to you?  Don’t judge or fear it… just allow it to be.  It’s feeling what it’s feeling for a reason… and it has a message for you.  These messages are often very enlightening… letting you know what’s happening here and now within your own galaxy… the community of life that lives in your body.

Keep it light.  Keep it curious.  Allow it space to express.  Your body holds your deepest wisdom.

Much love to  you all… marilyn ❤ ❤ ❤

 

 

 

It’s been a tender, rich and full morning… on this special Capricorn New Moon ~  the special portal opening to 2018.

Happy New Moon Celebrations ♥♥

After a deep dive into the current training I’m doing at the Tantric Institute of Integrated Sexuality… I feel tender, deep and in need of my own sacred healing love.

Our body stores the memories and impressions of our many experiences.  Some are buried deep ~ not wishing to surface for fear of resurfacing the pain.  The way to experience pleasure ~ ease and enjoyment in our sacred body is first through purification.  A detox of ancient stored blocked and repressed globs of energy (existing inside us) that interferes with the optimal functioning of our Life Force.

This year long training I’ve said ‘Yes’ to… intuitively ‘knowing’ it held the key to an even deeper level of healing, living and existing; particularly in a Woman’s body… conditioned by eons of patriarchal influence.  I sense it will totally transform me from the inside out. A both tenderly vulnerable and exciting prospect.

Our opportunity for growth and healing only ends when we do.

May your new year Intentions be both wild and unbounded… reaching out into the nether regions of our vast and wondrous Universal existence.

Lotsa love… marilyn  ♥♥