Breathing in the stillness…

Today’s my beautiful boy’s birthday. Yesterday I ‘went back’ to that evening… I’d invited all my girlfriends around for dinner. They’d all come together to scrub and shine the new flat I’d just moved into. I was ready to pop… delivery day was imminent. It appeared… baby was a bit hesitant in coming out… I was presumably overdue.

I was having a home birth… I was so happy about that. I was thirty six and back in 1984 that was considered old to be giving birth for the first time. Jeez… at 36 I was pretty fit.

What I was remembering was my giggles as the first contractions appeared… all my girlfriends still there, chatting after dinner. I was going into labour. The midwife was called.

The giggles of course morph into things way bigger… as the time progresses. But I’ll always remember that morning… sun was rising… some brave girlfriends still there… as I began to push. My friend who was supposed to be taking pics… fainted. I’ll always hear my dear French friend’s lovely voice repeating ‘maraleen… eh’s talking, eh’s talking.’

I was writing pages in my journal this morning… remembering that time back then and the journey of my life these last 38yrs.

Now bravely conjuring another adventure… everything changes all the time. We learn new ways. This major epoch we’re wizzing through together… is demanding this.

I learn new ways of being me… I’m always in the here and now. What an outstanding adventure life is. I’m soooo glad I have a glimmer of the enthusiasm I used to see so clearly when my son was a child. I need that flame… to keep my flame going. It gets dim at times… I get a bit world weary… I’m always active in one way or another.

Even if it’s consciously resting.

Self Love will be our saviour… and we continue learning. Love and nurturing are so so important.

Much Love… 🌺🐸🌺

the floods… 🐳

days after the flood… on the beach🐠
there was a lot of wood on the beach🪵
and lots of froth☁️

It’s Saturday March 12th.

We’re 12 days past the visit of the ‘historical’ flood. Amid all the rest of things happening on our planet… it’s been hard and difficult for many.

This is the 6th time I’ve tried to write here… this morning I said to myself… ‘I hope I get to write again’… of late it seems to have disappeared.

Except in my journal’s private pages… where my anger rages.

My nervous system has needed me… focused on settling it as lovingly as I can manage. It’s been a lot… many times I’ve been floundering… lost from myself. Lost out beyond… in distant oceans. Been a monster Neptune time. The heaviness out doing itself… I do what I can with what I know to break the cycles ages old that continue to play on repeat. Most times I resort to snuggling with a novel. Removing myself for a while… from this reality of our making.

It’s a fucker of a time for sure. When oh when will the dark lords be taken down? I refer to them as that… the miserable, conniving, heartless beasts… what human would create a system like ours if they hadn’t sold out to Satan.

The anger seeps out from its hiding place. We all have our story… the personal ones that come close. Then there’s the gagging… if not from the lords, from our own fearful self… of upsetting those close to us. So we keep quiet.

The anger builds. I’ve wondered… the morning here still young, the wet still around, I am safe… thousand aren’t. I ponder… how would it be if women stood up on mass and displayed their rage… for what’s been done to their family, their children, themselves. Would that collective rage blow the bastards off their self created thrones.

The anger is deep… ages old it is. Sometimes I ‘go back’… I’ve always done that. Take a little visit to times before. Revisit the scene of the crime. Mostly bloody and terrifying.

I’ve witnessed my body spasm hard… shaking itself free from the iron bars… ejecting the monsters hiding away in places unseen. When something touches them… a skilled hand, a focused intention, a healing presence. Then out they come… body jerks and jerks, sometimes violently… high off the table… my poor spine hurts.

The anger simmers… how dare they touch the children. What will it take, how much will we endure… till we stand and say… it all stops here.

But anger is a foreign bed fellow… we’ve hidden for so long. Forbidden it was… god we did it to our own children. Fearful of its rage… the danger it presented. We’d seen its manifestation. So all anger was outlawed.

Now it stirs… and when not addressed… the shock, the depression descends. This is even more insidious… as it creates a form incapable of movement. Incapable of moving forward.

The anger stirs… we’ll find a way. We’ll find a way to let it speak. The fierceness of the mother… we’ve yet to touch on its power.

Wet, cold, hungry… in despair. Locked up inside… eating us alive. Transformed into a world of robotons… I saw that when I first arrived.

The power of Woman we’ve not touched on it yet… of course it’s shown its face… and we’ve seen the results it’s achieved.

Yet we haven’t touched its capacity. The fierceness of a Woman protecting her child, protecting life.

The anger seeps out from the skin… what a powerful brew. We could make a potent medicine with it. We’re good with making medicines. We’re good with loving and nurturing.

We’re tired and exhausted… it’s been a long road. We’re still here… fighting for our right to speak… often from ourselves.

The air is filled with so much grief… so much anger, so much shock.

Within it all a new time stirs.

Maybe I’ll find my new voice… up ahead somewhere. My fingers itch to move… the pen, the keys. Yet inside is a whirl… a whirl of things beyond my control… I can’t make sense.

I’m lucky… I’m safe. I have a home. Dangers missed me this time. But this is not the end of it. There is so much more ahead.

The anger oozes… will it join and change the world.

Much Love🌺🌺

Living… 🥰🥰

flowers from the markets🌺

Firstly it’s 22/02/2022 (22022022) … which looks pretty magickal😃 Two is a Yin number… an explosion of Sacred Feminine Energy. It’s worth to cast a wish on this day.

It’s Tuesday (here in Oz)… Tuesday is governed by Mars. Mars is raw passionate powerful desire… bit like his mate Eros. They’re intimately connected and wired… to the pure Power of Desire. Mars is pumping his muscles… eager to get moving.

It’s also market day around here… the farmers markets with all their luscious goodness. My kitchen is awash with fresh from the ground sparkling greens… they fill my bench space. And that’s just for me😃

It’s hard sometimes. ‘Tuesday again’ I murmur, heading straight for the chai… to bring me back to functioning. Out of the house by 7am… which isn’t really that early, but having to be somewhere… the crowds of people, the never ending lines… the sweet smiles, the familiar faces, the relaxed northern rivers chill. It’s changing, like everything. It’s not what it was 30yrs ago. Yes, yes… I know… so much has changed since then.

I remember those times so fondly… the famous Mullumbimby… with its strong hippy vibe. I use to go to town in my sarong… fresh out of the sparkling water holes… up on the side of the mountain. It was such a gorgeous era. The local school was fabulous. My son loved it. Those hippies had some things going for sure. Well they’re still around… just older. Might look a bit different. People probably don’t even notice us much anymore. You know what happens when you grow ‘old’.

You never consider you’ll get there, it’s never a thought in your mind that you will change. There’s no guide book. Then who’d want one!

These hippies… created a base, a foundation… it’s solid now and growing more and more green shoots. It’s the foundation. It’s the Earth based approach. The only one.

How we could forget that… that Life must be the priority. An environment that we can thrive… not just in our bloody minds… but most importantly in our body.

Without a body we’re not here.

Sure there’s a lot to contend with… god. Talk about the mad machines on RNA speed. God only knows what’s being concocted.

We wander too far from what is real and true. We forget our vulnerability. We forget our place. We forget what a miracle must have made us… and gave us the gift of being here.

We get so arrogant… that we believe we know more than ‘God’ (whatever you name that presence and power). We reckon we can do better than what’s already been provided for us… we think we can do better. Improve it… make it work better. Or more likely… make it work for us… so we can make tons of cash.

We’ve lost our heads… let alone our common sense.

Took me back… those last words… to a time way back in years, I was on a plane to the States for a special event. Back in the day when I travelled overseas. I was sitting next to this distinguished older businessman, I remember him as being both intelligent and wise… we were chatting. He said to me ‘common sense is uncommon’. I must’ve heard it before of course… but him saying it that day, sitting high above the clouds, speeding through the sky… it really stuck with me and I’ve always remembered our meeting.

It’s all around… ‘this is the wrong way’. Personally for me it’s getting harder to live with. But live I will and find a way.

There’s one thing more current… my heart sunk when I heard the news. This morning on the way back to the cabin I decided to see if they’d finished. If it was operating.

And yes. They had and it was… standing grotesquely within the Bowling Club fence… ‘the new 5D tower’.

I don’t understand people’s thinking. Don’t they have adequate brain power? At least some curiosity… hesitation, doubts, considerations?

Regardless of your view on 5D technology… its indisputable they emit electromagnetic waves of energy. And it’s constant… it’s always on. So anything that is close by… gets a constant dose.

This particular one is just as you drive into Brunswick Heads (there goes the house prices I thought…). But seriously…

Just metres across the small side road is a kids skating park… and oval where local football is played and schools use for their sports days.

And it’s a regularly used place for walking the dog.

It was one of my favourite bike rides… down to the sanctuary.

Such sadness.

The sadness weighs heavy. I wish we were all so much smarter than we are.

There’s plenty on the effects of these towers if you wish to investigate… get curious. There’s no need to make yourself a tin hat.

As humans we can emit such ignorance. Yet we have such enormous potential.

The years ahead could get rocky… I’ve heard from many a trusted source.

For me… I’ve known for years that it would all come to a head. That the powers that be would not even consider handing over their crown.

That it could get dirty.

But heh… evolution always wins.

Whatever’s going on we have life… while we do. Magick exists… I know that for fact. We live amongst it.

The contrasts are bound to become even more polarised. It’s easy to judge… we all do it. At least to some degree.

Where will we find our heaven? Our peace… our magick world. Amid all the turmoil. As one massive Age fights to hang on… yet Love and Light will always win.

Love and Light are real things… not a new age chant. That’s what life is made of… Love and Light and Sound.

Finding our safe space…. I wish you lots of goodness.

Much love ~ marilyn🥰🥰

Making my way thru life… 🌼🌼

My body (my self) has been in a funny place this year… not peals of laughter… although that happens at times. It’s more the depth, a new level of conscious awareness… of being, of experience… deep ripples and emotions making their way to the surface. Some Ages old I’m sure. Some deep dark spells from the past come to show their face.

The waters are deep here in 2022.

That last full moon was a wowzer… the current first rolled over me on Valentines morning… soon as I woke I felt it. God it was heavy. Heaviness I’d not encountered before… at least that I remembered. It was big and dark and black… a monster… I felt I had no strength against it. This was another level uncovering.

It never stops. Just because you’re a teacher, a coach… with some kind of expertise. I don’t believe we’re ever expert at anything. How can we be? When everything constantly shifts and changes… there’s only one expert and that’s Life.

We hold the flame of Life within us… it’s what allows us to be here. To do and be and dream and pray… Life gives us permission to do so many things.

And each day when Sun shines his brilliance… another brand new day surrounds us. It looks familiar, things around look the same… but really it isn’t… it’s completely brand new. Can we say the same?

So many things weigh us down… all our beliefs, all our ideas. All our possessions, all our dreams… all our everything digging a great big hole… to bury us in.

It goes fast… Life that is. Gone in a breath. Breath no more.

2022 sure has been strange. We thought we had a taste of it the last two years. They seem to be getting more and more creative. Bigger and bolder. Maybe it’s the time we currently find ourselves in… as residents on planet earth within the surrounding massive cosmic play.

When a long and arduous (seemingly never ending🥺) Dark Age crumbles to the ground. The Golden Age on its way. It’s said that it’s the darkest before the dawn. Many could see there was a battle ahead… the signs have been there for a long time. But of course we never know just how it will present… until its here.

The contrasts are enormous. As I sit on my back deck snuggled into the mangroves surrounding me, supported, loved and wooed by the Mother… I watch a pelican glide through the mangroves on the other side of the river creek. Sun light sparkles on the water’s surface… wind’s breeze ripples the water into baby waves. I want to be there… doing that very thing… gliding through the mangroves. Tide’s coming in… it’ll soon be full, then I can slip out the back… float through the mangroves and immerse in the wonder. Go visit my beloveds on the other side of the creek.

I trust Life… I do. She’s got me through. Every time. She never abandons me… even though at times I feel alone, isolated and forgotten… I know I never am. Light and Love illuminate my insides. I feel blessed… amid all my judgements. And that’s fine… I’m human.

I’m learning to love my self more and more… fully, unconditionally, whole heartedly. It’s taken a lifetime. The learning, the growth, the joy keeps on keeping on till our last breath departs… and we fly off somewhere else. Who knows where.

We’ll never be perfect… but we are who we are… and that is something very special. As the great masters proclaim… there never was and never will be… in the great expanse of everything… another you. So you and I better make use of it while we’re here. You are, I am… a one-off original. An absolutely uniquely amazing one-off model of a human being.

No one else can do things just like you… no one can do things just like me. In that we can help and support.

Much love… marilyn🌺🥰🌺

Brunswick Heads Nature Reserve… one of my favourites🥰🥰

I’ve sat on that log a number of times… there’s a lot more moss at present with La Niña about. It’s a bit like faerie land… faerie land Oz style. I remember the time on my ‘silent walk’… I sat on that trunk for a while… feeling and listening to the silence. Of course it’s never silent. Silence has a sound.

The extraordinary adventures we did back in 2020… the early beginnings of ‘it’ all. Guided into deeper realms of seeing and hearing… all that surrounds us. Immersing more fully in nature… the vision quests we did. The magick… the challenges. The ‘sit spots’. Blessed opportunities to commune with this wonder of wonders, our most sensational Mother Earth.

And this morning a swim. A luxuriate in the river creek… tide heading back home, high tide past… sure has some strength. I swam and paddled and walked a long way… open river all around as far as I can see. Being immersed in ocean feels so good… I feel strong with her support. Her strength. The most sensational mangroves bordering either side.

The billions of life forms we never see. All radiating presence… all contributing… harmony, growth… in flow with the whole. Us humans the only ones not. We can… we will.

Remembering where we are… as we stand in within ourself in now.

With Love 💚🥰💚

Holding it all… 🌼

Holding it all sometimes feels hard… the contrasts, the kaleidoscopic angles, perceptions and views. So much contained within the whole.

The world we’ve known… for so long… decaying, falling, rotten from within. Our saintly minds refuse to see the darkness that exists in our world. Is there hope? I believe there is.

The views… the opinions, all shapes and sizes… but mostly fit into two camps. Those that walk to the familiar drum beat… and those who cannot abandon themselves… no matter what.

I’ve been alive for a while… I’m grateful too, I’ve had this chance. I’ve seen a lot, I’ve done a lot… my passions spread throughout my time. I’ve felt graced, held, kept safe… while walking though the wilds. The wilds we’ve made, I’m saying here… not the ones bequeathed by Gaia… a gift from the Great Spirit himself.

We all desire to belong… it’s built in to our security system. Alone we won’t survive… we’re made to be a part of something bigger. And of course that happens in many ways. On multiple levels.

But we can’t abandon our self.

We can never pretend or hide… not from us.

From others… yes we do. We can never hide from our self.

What’s the price of being a part? Brought home to the fold… shielded from harm. From where I stand… the price is way too high. In fact, not one to ever be considered. So why do we do what we do?

Where do we stand within ourself? Is our integrity merged with our flesh? Do we know no other way to be?

That desire seems like worlds away… yet I long for its embrace.

To live in integrity? What does that take? I feel I’m so far away… it’s a bit like a dream. Yet it’s been visiting me for a while… since this year began… and it’s offering to get close.

‘While there’s breath there’s hope’… that’s a quote of mine.

I’m living proof of that… a lifetime’s journey… seeking, searching, adventuring… finding our power.

What a journey life is.

I was thinking about that ‘10%’… the one’s that appear to live in another universe. The weirdos, the hippies, the beatniks, the witches, even our established ‘Natural Therapy’ world.

The majority, by nature… fills up the space… the others left to find their way. And man… that’s a powerful way… ’cause you gotta find it for yourself. You create you. Your creation is in your hands.

And I tell you… that feels so comforting to me. Entered my 74th birthday year… what grace. My life has been amazing… so divinely blessed and graced. Seriously. I’ve certainly been looked after.

And I’m still here. Still creating, still investigating, still adventuring, still pioneering… at a different speed, yes. But I like this one the best. Slow is good. Bring yourself down down below the noise we make (we’re the noisiest species)…

Slowing down more and more… slowing to the speed of nature. Man… what surprises lay there. This creation is the miracle of all miracles. I mean… the creativity has no bounds.

Anyways… holding it all can be a lot. I’m my unique kind of creation. My sensitivity keeps shocking me with how crazy receiving she is.

It appears to be getting more and more. Maybe it’s always been there… but all the defences I’d built to protect me… built some pretty sturdy stone walls all round. (I have a Capricorn Moon🌺).

I did a lot of trauma work (on myself) during my training as a ‘Sex Love and Relationship Coach’. It’s a somatic style of relationship focused coaching. We’re in relationship with everything.

My sensitivity can be tender… I need lotsa sacred space around me. I need sacred space to be my world. Yes a challenge…

Holding it all can feel hard. Feeling the energy of it all. Glimpses of the future and past. Some of us just naturally fit in the 10%… like we really have no choice. Not that we’re complaining… we’re pretty cool😻

Slowing down more and more… resisting the need to make you a machine.

Feeling the sensuality in the slow… your world expands… there’s so much there. And communing with the Mother… nature… that’s a necessity. All the answers lie there.

February’s a big one… Valentine’s in a couple of days. Love is definitely something to celebrate.

With Love…🥰🥰

A new space… 🌬💨

Flooding waters (we’ve had heaps of rain)

I woke… opened my eyes. I was lying on my back. I stayed there for a while looking out the window at the rain.

Unusual for me… to linger in bed.

These words were pushing on my lips… stamped in my mind

‘Another complex level of existence on Earth’.

I’d been in a dream… but it disappeared very quickly.

I was left with this residue… of restriction, being bound, caged, held,

everything else had disappeared.

I eventually arose… it was 8am!!! Unheard of for me.

Something weird was going on… I felt its resonance through my body.

It felt like another dimension… a new space I wasn’t familiar with. Where was it and why did it arise? Those things I’ll likely never understand… at least with my mind.

It hasn’t left me… this alternate space. No use trying to decipher… how can I know? Is it me, or is it all around me. That one’s a tricky one.

But definitely the space has shifted… I’ve felt it approaching these last few days. I’ve even given up the practice of going straight to the planets… what’s happening in the wider space around us… I did that for many years. Astrology and I met when I was just a young girl.

These days… even that doesn’t seem large enough to contain it all. But I have my body… and she lets me know when something’s going on.

Even though I can’t explain it… tell you why. It’s enough to know… there’s movement. We’re moving into new territory.

‘Another complex level of existence on Earth’… that’s all the dream left me with. Where did I go in my sleep? I don’t know. What’s the message… I’m sure it will become clear. When it’s ready.

For now… I just get to feel it. My body feels a little tense, agitated, and alert. It’s like there’s this big mass of air swirling around us… blowing and shifting things at great speed.

While life on Earth for many… continue in the dream.

Being a sensitive is challenging at times.

‘Challenge’ ~ was one of the streams. The two distinct streams I felt over the crossing of years.

As December finished and January began… I felt it strongly… the two distinct streams. As if they were surging through our energetic space. The sign of our times.

‘The Magick’ and ‘The Challenge’. Both of these would accompany us. Each at the extreme end of the polarity… each at their maximum… each taking turns. They’d be walking alongside us.

And they have… at least in my world.

Our body is the barometer… she’s our guide. Yeah… often it makes no sense… but then lots don’t anyway.

We need to listen to her… step outside of the dream for a while… this sleep walking we do down here.

Believing in the false magic… not the real deal.

The winds will continue to blow… the waters will rise. Other dimensions will reveal… we’ll get spun around a bit… we’ll scramble to find our feet.

One thing’s for certain… we gotta change our ways.

🥰💨🥰

Ready to let some things go…🌊🌊

It’s been that kinda time. It is that kinda time.

There are many… that weary me. I realise I’ve allowed… I’ve compromised, accepted… given permission to occupy my space.

The weariness is growing.

Looking like… sometime soon, something’s gotta give.

Do we keep on the same ole same ole… as while we do the standard of everything slides at greater speed. The downhill slope.

It’s… ‘that’s just how it is…’ ~ ‘I can’t have it all… ‘ (yikes🥸) ~ ‘it’s the way the ‘world’ runs…’ ~ ‘compromise is necessary… ‘ (double, triple yikes🤓🤓🤓)

Something’s on its last legs… can’t you feel it? You must do… something’s breaking away at an ever increasing momentum.

Bit like the tide.

I went in early this morning… to beat the increasing heat from our glorious burning ball of fire. High tide wasn’t for another hour and a half… but it was high enough for me to float out through the mangroves.

So I thought I’d give it a go. My septuagenarian skin isn’t as bouncy as it once was. So I take more care… yeah, bit late maybe. But never too late for anything. While you’re breathing… everything is possible.

The tide seems to come in… or at least its more noticeable… in a particular spot in the river creek. There’s a stream of it… just in front of the mangroves on the other side.

I slipped out the back… down the lovely shaped rocks… gently stepped to the old dying tree… she offers her roots for me to launch off in my swim. It was pretty deep already… and still ninety minutes till she’d be at her fullest.

The first part of the journey… swimming to the other side… the tidal surge was reasonable, gentle even… it wasn’t dragging me down with it.

But as I got closer to that particular spot… where the incoming tide seems to surge… I started to feel it. Man… she has some power.

So I was swimming diagonally… on the surface of the water that is. The water looked like shining glass… what a wonder is this Mother Earth.

The tide was high enough… to slip into the mangroves, just a bit. Get a close up of all those baby trees. Her precious regeneration cycle. What a grace to witness.

I floated… communing, loving, adoring… why is it, it feels so much like home. I wondered, not for the first time… if I have some Mer in me.

I remember my first encounter with the mangroves… this was years back. The tide wasn’t high, so I was standing near the edge of them… looking in. My immediate sense was of the powerful Devic presence. It was as if there were water Fae everywhere.

That’s an energy I’m familiar with. Very familiar. Not just that I’m a Vibrational Essence Co-Creator… the Flower/Gem essences I’ve co-created for years. But sometimes I see them.

Visiting the mangroves across the river creek… which I do pretty much every day… it sometimes reminds me, takes me back to another time when I had that interaction with the Faerie kingdom.

It’s kinda strange… and unusual… as I don’t recall ever being read Faerie stories as a child. My life was a lot more serious. Being hit by that virus as a tiny one… spending all that time in hospitals, with doctors… the modern medical system etc… well I think I missed out on certain things. Not that I’m complaining. When one door closes another opens.

My experiences as a very young child opened other special doors for me. Ones that’ve continued to open and develop till today.

So… what is it that’s ready to leave? What’s pulling away with a mighty strength? But you can’t see it… so what you can’t see isn’t there?

We’re not taught… not conditioned to tune into our feelings. Nah… we’re forever encouraged to go directly to our head. Think, think, think… work it out. Well… there’s heaps of things that can’t be worked out with our head… but heh… that doesn’t discourage us… we just keep on keeping on.

No wonder the world (one we’ve created) is in the mess it is.

And there’s no denying that. It’s plain and apparent for the most unconscious… to at least get a glimpse.

But we don’t like losing things. I’m included in this… I’m a human too.

We hold on… for life, most of the times.

We don’t like uncertainty… we want to know what’s going on. Well good luck with that.


So… what’s about to leave our world?

Well taking a guess… I’d say a lot.

Maybe it’ll be piece by piece… maybe a whole lot will disappear all at once. It could happen in a myriad of ways. But one thing’s for sure… it will happen (remember that ad).

If you’re a star gazer, a sky watcher… a friend of our galactic neighbours… you’ll see directly that what’s above is reflected below… and visa versa.

The galactic skies… especially during this particular week… are full of portend. Removing, destroying… taking away. Dead wood burnt. And it’s all happening fast.

The momentum of ‘getting rid of’ is with us my friends.

What will be left?

What’s the most important thing for you?

If you had to choose… what would it be… if you can’t have it all.

So as the great gods above… orchestrate the cosmic tides of movement… move and shift the pieces. Take some things away… replace them with new things. How will we react?

We will know we’re not in charge.

The tide comes in… the tide goes out.

But as she does… she nurtures, she feeds, she refreshes, she brings new life, she encourages growth, she showers her love.

Do our comings and going do the same?

We have so much to learn… we’re still in kindergarten… or maybe nursery school.

Our world is shifting beyond our perception… will we be ready, will we accept?

Do we have the resources… to continue with the life we have… the breath we’re being given… for however long.

Will we renew… will we start again? Will we create new things? Will we nurture life? Will we be kind and giving? Will we be aware?

We need to be aware.

The changes are moving swiftly… they’ll be here before we know it. They may take us by surprise.

Humans have the potential for being the most amazing life forms. We do… a capacity that rarely if ever many get to encounter.

Will we go for gold?

Will we let go of compromise?

The broken?

The decayed?

The Dead and dying?

Will we strictly adhere to our one and only most potent “YES”?

This second, third, fourth best… will never do. Has never done.

We’re all tired… our spirit’s languishing… our soul squashed. Our head on speed.

We want to come home…

enough is enough

A new day dawns… where there’s breath there’s hope (an old quote of mine😌)

Much Love🥰🥰

A Love Affair 💞💞

I’m still in stop mode. Well, also deepening… at least in certain things.

The virulent invisible contagion thing swirls around me… hitting out front and side. I increase my vitamin C… as much as I can, till my body says stop.

I swim… I increase my laps. It’s not just laps… I cruise and enjoy. My body feels stronger.

I do daily yoga.

My path is glorious.

Across and back, over the river/creek… the mangroves on either side.

My most favourite (shhhh… can I say without offending) is the wonderland across the other side. The love I feel for them often brings tears. It’s a Love Affair that deepens every day.

Only in full tide… I slip out the back. Down the sturdy rock steps to the mangroves below. From there to the roots of the big old dying tree (now under water)… from there I can float/swim across the mangrove floor, manoeuvre through the mature and baby trees… to the full tide streaming down the estuary… known as Simpson’s Creek.

I’m fortunate… I know that. It also holds a deep pain… to witness and observe… so regularly, the lack of care and concern we give to the natural world.

I feel that pain in my heart.

So it’s a bittersweet Love.

I want to help so much… then I look at the enormity of it all… it can so easily overwhelm.

But just baby steps are needed… we’re always in the perfect place.

I was called here… I know that might sound odd. For some it won’t. Life is much more than we take in.

And all the synchronicity… for bringing me to this very spot.

My ego didn’t want it… neither my personality. I fought it. This was ‘not my thing’ I repeated… the surrounds, the people… the way of operating.

But amidst it all was this silent miracle… yes the beauty’s visible. But it’s more than physical beauty… it’s the soul, the essence… the very being of this miracle that sits on the outskirts of all our doing.

We pay homage now and again… go off on our holidays. Still often totally unaware of what is happening around us. The incredible miracle that exists.

The Love… the Relationship… unlike any other.

The relationship that asks nothing of you… sees you, hears you… knows your soul. Recognises you immediately. Longs to have you around. While being complete within itself.

Responds with such generosity

And gives you so much space… never crowds you in. It’s like it’s enormous… the size of the universe… the space you can feel.

You can breathe freely. Your chest feels light and expansive. It’s like the universe recognising you. This big empty space… full of love. It’s extraordinary.

It often overwhelms me… with the love I feel.

I hope that it helps… ’cause I don’t seem to do much else. Sometimes it’s hard to imagine it does… but I’m sure it must.

It’s real, it’s true…. it’s more true than most things I know.

When people say things like god is in nature… I understand that… it’s like the Great Power itself infuses this space.

It never interferes… coerces, expects. Allows the most extraordinary freedom. You feel it respond to love. It’s like it moves closer… it’s the ultimate lover.

It truly is a Love Affair… of an extraordinary kind.

So I swim… visit the mangroves… walk in the sanctuary… sit and be. I allow it all to be… I absorb it in. I do yoga, I take my vitamin C… ‘holidays’ still happen around me. The world (our world) seems kinda crazy.

2022 is creeping in.

Some days I feel the movement of ‘doing’ unfolding… new movement… I sense it’s a time of noticing. Being aware… letting things be.

You can’t rush things… make things happen. We’ve tried that… look where that’s got us.

The old ways still struggle on… we hold on. Can we see another way?

‘Cause there is one. But it’ll take a lot of letting go. Are we preparing our self? To be something, someone else. In a something new world.

Of course the old will still hang about a bit… but things won’t work so well within in.

It’s that kinda time… an Age finishing… a new one unfolding.

Our life running on… we only have it for a short time.

What will we do… with this extraordinary opportunity we have… to be, to witness. To open all our senses to another level… to live at another level. We’re missing so much.

There’s so much more out there than we know.

We need to change our ways. And pronto.

Lotsa Love💜🌼💜

Into the cave🌼

It’s 6.40am… the 6th day of 2022

I feel lost and lonely and spent. I feel empty of myself. What’s happened to me since being here?

I feel stuck… empty… end of the road

I wrote…’I can do it… I just don’t know how yet’ (borrowed from ‘George’s Amazing Spaces’😃)

I’ve created all these amazing spaces…

Now during this time… it appears almost impossible. But somewhere inside… I know it never is.

But the doubts are floating to the surface… the flood ready to consume.

I’m lost… without hope… many moments I sleep walk… thru the day.

Each day on repeat… wandering in a dream. Wasting precious time. Not accomplishing anything.

How can I change it?

This Magick year of Bliss and Challenge… walking hand in hand.

I’m washed out… devoid of all I had. Neptune’s moving away from being close…

What’s left after these few years?

Sprouts of inspiration arise… I can see the path unfolding… then it closes over.

Depression… my old friend. Hiding from the hordes… wishing for what?

What is it I want?

What do I hunger for?

What’s brought me to this doorway?

There’s a shift… yes

I feel like a flattened dead fish

I’ve lost everything.

Oh my god… the triumph of Loss

has it taken it all… left me with nothing?

Except the despise… for myself

the self hatred festers… oh where did it come from?

This cruel and barren land.

Left cut open… bleeding dry. They take all they can.

Just leave a corpse… swelling, stinking

no good even for compost.

What happened… what did I do wrong?

The old holding on… ‘it’ll rise to the surface’ I wrote.

Self despair… self abomination

Where does it have its roots?

From what pile of shit did it fester?

My body heavy on the stool… my favourite orange stool

from which many words have been written.

It’s a crossroads… but what kind?

Where to from here?

To the rubbish tip?

My bottom feels squashed… between me and the orange vinyl.

Year after year after year

all the houses

all the homes

And look where I’ve ended up.

“They have to give you value for value’… the people on our side

Back into war

it’s been a time of it here

not long after I arrived… the bombs wizzing over our heads

the fighting… the greed… the jealousy… the hatred

This place called Paradise… has an underbelly

Guess it’s always the way… this civilisation we’ve built

The cracks keep appearing… getting deeper, wider

The little elves… with dead eyes… automated from that central place

scurry with speed

to fix the decay

But this battle can’t be won… by those who destroy.

Their maker is near… their end in sight

But at present we simmer in their poisonous brew

And it’s hard to take.

Feels like we’re dying… disappearing in the quick sand

The motors roar

the stink overwhelms

the robots march

implants everywhere

The darkest before the dawn.

They said it would be that way.

They said not to lose hope… don’t let go of the rope

You can see the Light (they remind)

it never disappears.

It’s just the clouds are thick… low and heavy

they block out the light

How did I get here… where everything is disappearing?

I remember the dream…

although that’s not what it was…

The visionary paths… created… opened, in that magick space

It was White Buffalo

sweat poured from his body

he moved at great speed

me on his back.

He had a purpose… that was clear

he had a destination to reach

As we rode across the land… tears ran down my cheeks

as they dropped to the ground…

they turned it green

I looked behind me… from where we’d come… the land turned green.

My tears were turning the land green.

We got to the base of the mountain

White Buffalo almost spent

he scaled the mountain with his eyes… breathed in deep

And took the final charge.

We made it to the summit… probably in the nick of time.

That radiant golden arch above… our heads

created by Sun… a shield for us.

Our bodies crumbled to the ground… my head resting on White Buffalo’s massive belly

We fell into the deepest sleep.

I still heard it all…

it all falling down.

The rumble… the silent noise…

the air filled with smoke

Piles of rubble strewn everywhere…

then we awoke…

found ourselves in a different space.

We stretched our limbs… breathed in the new air

everything had changed (that’s happened to me before… I’m strange like that)

I hopped back on his back

We slowly descended the mountain

we moved very slowly… taking in the new surrounds

We got to the base… continued over the land

Now very slowly

adjusting to everything

Tears tumbled again

slowly down my cheeks… as I took in the terrain.

I miss those Magick Baths… will I ever get down there again?

🧡🌑🧡