Camperdown Children’s Hospital (image from i.pinimg.com)
‘It is a strange thing that all the memories have these two qualities. They are always full of quietness, that is the most striking thing about them; and even when things weren’t like that in reality, they still see to have that quality. They are soundless apparitions, which speak to me by looks and gestures, wordless and silent – and their silence is precisely what disturbs me.’ Enrich Maria Remarque, All quiet on the Western Front
Looks like a haunted house! Like something out of the Adam’s Family. At least that was my first impression. And the one after that… and after that. It still looks haunted to me. It quite possible is.
I resided in that ‘house of horrors’ for a while… long time ago now. But the resonance of that time continues to unravel.
You hear the word trauma… I certainly had. But never connected it to me. Oh yes I figured there must’ve been a scar. That it must of changed me in some way. But really I had no idea of the magnitude. And the resulting patterns and grooves that continued to unfold my life.
‘The “night sea journey” is the journey into the parts of ourselves that are split off, disavowed, unknown, unwanted, cast out, and exiled to the various subterranean worlds of consciousness. . . . The goal of this journey is to reunite us with ourselves. Such a homecoming can be surprisingly painful, even brutal. In order to undertake it, we must first agree to exile nothing.’ Stephen Cope
What those early years did ignite in me was a serious and long term passion for healing. And an also long term curiousness about the psyche; what influences us to act and think the way we do.
Last birthday I turned seventy. Yeah that sounds significant. I’d never been particularly age concerned before. Yes as we age we experience changes, in particular the different responses we elicit from the world around us.
But it’s certainly venturing into a whole new chapter of life… the closing decades of a life cycle. Of course our departure from Earth can happen at any age and is not dependent on ‘growing old’.
I’ve reached elder years… but am yet (at least publicly) to declare myself that. In some ways I’m back still at different ages trying to find myself. ‘Cause all of me exists inside me. Everything I’ve done, everywhere I’ve been, all I’ve ‘achieved’, all I’ve ‘lost’, everything that I’ve ever experienced is safely filed inside me.
And each one of us is entirely unique. Meaning never has there been or never will there be another one of you. It’s hard to truly get the mind blowing significance of that… and the OPPORTUNITY.
The thing about life is that it keeps on keeping on until it doesn’t anymore. We get a chance to ‘perfect’ this amazing creation called ME.. until the last breath leaves. Of course everything is ALREADY PERFECT… we just keep getting opportunities to know and accept this more and more.
I love living. I do. And my focus is to be here as long as I can. It feels like such an amazing opportunity… to be here on Earth and be exposed to so much experience and involvement. So much potential to grow, evolve, understand, know, experience, enjoy, love, rest, acknowledge, honour, play, accept, surrender, flow, study, learn. And the list goes on.
What prompted me to write today was the courage needed to tell your story. To be truly authentic, open and honest. An author friend of mine shared a quote I’ve always remembered… forget the exact quote but it was basically to become a writer/author you need to be BRUTALLY HONEST. That’s a journey in itself.
You could think this was easier now than it’s ever been. With the distribution and exposure available now on the big wide web. But does it make it any easier to be truly authentic, open and true to your core?
I don’t think so. ‘Cause that seems to be the result of a deep internal navigation of your being. It doesn’t happen overnight. Yeah doesn’t mean we all go at the same speed. We have our own unique timing. We have our own way of approach, resistance and procrastination. We have our own fears. We have our own wounds, our own trauma… whether big or small. But I don’t think you can measure them.
I’ve always been motivated and inspired to participate, to create, to share. To be a part of our collective community. To play my part in making a wonderful world. And I’m a writer… I write. Started and continued for many years with poetry… until it changed form.
I don’t know why… but it feels like I get impulses and messages in my head, that travel down my arms and need to flow out of my fingers. I read once that marilyn meant ‘story teller’. Well I have this crazy desire to tell my story. I luv stories and I think everyone has a fascinating one.
So the big thing is the HONESTY. The open authenticity… of not hiding anything. I’ve always leaned on the PRIVATE side. Remember my first impression of Facebook (back when it started)… couldn’t imagine ever participating. Sharing your personal details publicly for all to see…. I was aghast!! Took me a while before my desire to write and share broke through that one.
But it’s still not easy for me… I’m still learning. And during my recent training in Sex, Love and Relationship Coaching I stumbled across a heap of old hidden stuff. Deeply tucked away in my psyche. I was drawn to this training for what I’m sure appears like a very strange reason. The reason ~ to HEAL THE OCEANS. I’ll share that story another time. But there is a connection. A connection between woman’s WOMB and the deep mysterious oceans on Earth.
So I wanna tell my story… not because I’m anything other than myself. We all have talents and skills for a reason… and that is to share. To contribute to the healing and restructuring of our wonderful community on Earth.
So wish me courage… and love.
‘Acting is not about putting on a character but discovering the character within you: you are the character, you just have to find it within yourself – albeit a very expanded version of yourself.’ Tina Packer
much love ~ marilyn❤️🌸❤️