loving myself ❤️

The two foundational ‘Integrative Powers’ in the coaching journey are ~ clarity and acceptance.

First we must become clear on what it is we desire. What it is we want to achieve. What our being most longs for.

Becoming clear on our objective ~ we then consider ~ can I accept this desire, this wish, this longing?  Can I accept the feelings, emotions and bodily sensations that arise with this desire?  The most affective transformation sits on acceptance.  Its finding a true place of acceptance somewhere in your body/mind.

I guess we could ask ~ do I accept myself?  Do I accept my desires and wishes?  Do I accept my right to choose?  Do I accept the deep core of my being?

I did a luscious Rest Retreat with Kylian Martin at the beginning of the year.  I know some deep part of me needs deep rest so badly.  It sometimes feels as if I’ve been wound up so tight for so long… my body’s frozen in this position and unable to release.

So much trying, so much achieving, so much compromise, so much shutting off and out.  So much trying to squeeze into a shape you never were made to fit.

During the Deep Rest Retreat Kylian invited us to create an intention.  The words popped into my head straight away… ‘I honour the beauty of my being’.  I said it over and over.

Last year deeply immersed in the intensive coaching training I was involved in… I became aware of how much my experience of self-love was growing, in a way I’d not experienced before.  I really was putting myself first, taking special care of myself.

Life happens ~ and many things can pop up onto your path, diverting the direction and scenery for a while.  I’m not quite sure what sparked it off… this intense focus on my family/ancestral healing.

I suspect it was due to the deep dives into my body and psyche… our trauma training took me.  Being a Virgo I have a particularly active body/mind connection going on.  Anything comes up ~ I feel it straight away someplace in my body.

Being seventy I’ve had lotsa time to get stuck in some habitual grooves… I’m ever grateful for my passion for healing.  Who knows how far we’ll get along this golden path.  But while there’s breath, there’s hope (that was a marilyn quote).

So these last six months… since just before my birthday in September, the gates opened and in flowed the tsunami.  And I’ve been feeling every bit of it in my body.  And somehow amid it all I’ve forgotten all about loving me.

Sometimes it’s hard if your body hurts, your head feels weird, or you’re feeling isolated and cut off… drowning in a sea of people.  But we are the only one who is always here.  Always available (whether we’re conscious of it or not).  Always on your side, always knows the whole story, always knows your incredible worth, always loves you more than anyone could possible hope to.

So clawing my way back onto the path of self love.  Not sure how I slipped off it.  And yes of course I resist, I procrastinate, I hesitate, I doubt, I wallow in my pain.  But yes… maybe, just maybe I do everything I do,  because … I know best.

much love to you ~ marilyn ❤️💋❤️

(tried typing these words directly on the keyboard… I normally write by hand directly into my journal.  Then sometimes also type them into the computer.  Means doing it twice.  So trying different ways to see if there’s a notable difference in the transmission.  As I’ve always been a hand writer)

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my hunger for life💚

It’s St Patrick’s Day 💚  Celebrating my ancestral roots… those rich green magickal lands of Ireland.

I celebrated with a sunny spot at my favourite corner coffee shop… just across from where I live. Haven’t been there much in a while… as I’ve wiped coffee from my life.  I never have drank much, and when I do its half strength and milky.  It’s just my dose of social interaction.  ‘Cause I spend a lot of time alone.

Went for an early swim before… the water was warm, the tide was in.  I only go out the back (of my cabin) when the tide is high… as I need to float or swim through the mangroves to get to the open space of the river.  Well it’s actually called a creek.  But it’s not like any creek I’ve known before. It’s long and it’s wide… and deep. Yep looks more like a river than a creek.

It branches off from the Brunswick river not far from my cabin.  And that part of the river is close to the river’s mouth at the ocean.  So you could say on each high tide the river/creek is filled with ocean water.  It’s mostly clear and clean.  Only after heavy rain and storms does it show some debris floating by.

My hunger for life.  I think it’s always been that way.  I fought for my life all those years ago.  I stepped up to the plate, stretched out, felt the pull to express.  I was passionate about life.  Passionate about growth, wellbeing and health.  You could say I was a passionate girl.

I got off pretty scot free… or so it seemed.  Having been hit from that super virile virus so young… I appeared to fully recover.  And so set off to climb my mountains.  I was enthusiastic and willing. Something kept pulling me on.

Then slowly things began to appear.  Around fifty was the start of it… the Chiron Return?  It’s also a time for woman when her hormonal fluctuations begin to manifest.  I never experienced the classic signs of menopause… then I never experience the classic signs of anything.  That’s the problem.  As most solutions are for classic signs.  Those other ones are a mystery to everyone.

But I’ve always loved a mystery.  I certainly don’t lack in the curiosity department.  I’m an eternal student… always curious, always learning.  I’m highly sensitive… so I see, hear and experience things above and beyond.  It gets lonely sometimes (often🙁) ’cause there don’t appear to be herds of people aligned with my vibration. Let’s just say there’s not a lot. Sometimes I feel like a galactic import… from another dimension in time and space.   Yet I love Earth… and I love being here.

I don’t give up.  I can have a dog with a bone thing happening sometimes.  It works both ways.  I could let go more.  But I live in me.  I live in my body, I know what goes on and how it feels.  I’m pretty smart.  I perceive things at their core at times.  And yes like any other human… I can be blind, make mistakes and move into denial.  So where does that leave us?  Which side of the line do you stand?  With what others think? Or what you know?

It’s a lonely path at times.

I’m sooooo grateful for my hunger for Life.

lotsa love ~ marilyn🧚‍♂️💋🧚‍♂️

a mighty new astrological year approaches…

Ahhhh Snowie ~ I miss you heaps.  My longtime feline friend❤️❤️

We’re a week away from the Equinox/Full Moon in Libra…  a special beginning to the 2019 Astrological Year.   March 21st (here in Oz/) right off the mark is the Equinox, exact 8.58am.  Full Moon follows at 1.45pm.

Adding to this super benevolent blessing from Venus is the special zodiacal degree of this Full Moon in Libra… 0 degrees.  A significant placement in astrology.  0 degrees of the Cardinal Signs (Aries, Cancer, Libra, Capricorn) is referred to as the ‘Aries Point’, the AP.

The AP represents a movement (cardinal) from an inner quality to an outer manifestation.  It orients us towards the world at large ~ society, public events and all relationships propelled from the individual to the collective.  Sometimes it represents a ‘spectacular out rush of energies… and involvement with the world at large.’  Celest Teal

O degrees of Cardinal Signs are the Equinox and Solstice points. The changing of the seasons… the apparent change of direction of the sun.   They are significant activation points… propelling inner qualities to manifest outwardly.

Libra represents relationship. This coming turning point is shining a light on relationship. Venus reminds us that relationship holds the key to our new cycle ahead. It’s time for us to unite ~ neighbourhoods, communities, cities, towns countries.  And the first step to this apparent massive intention… is loving me.  Falling deeply in love with myself.

What small changes, new movements or habits could you welcome  into your life?   To honour and love your unique and wondrous self… like never before.   You are totally unique and created from Love.

There’s heaps of cosmic support at present helping us create a more caring, loving  and peace filled world.  As dear Louise Hay so often reminded… it all begins with loving you.

How can you ride the wave of this special, magickal Equinox time…  not one to let slip by. What new direction can you allow to unfold… welcome in? Remembering your power to manifest your most treasure desires is now heightened.  Could say… propelled with Venus rocket fuel.

I’m celebrating this gifted new beginning ~ with stepping out another step.   A big one for my Sun who likes to snuggle away in my cave.  There’s been lots of energy focusing on my ‘public face’ of late, the MC in my natal chart.  Been heaps of activation.  And we know ~ it’s best to go with the flow.  So much easier.

I will be offering Tarot readings, Astro updates, Flower Essence consultations, Chakra Balancing and Energy Clearings… which can all be done remotely (from a distance).  Flower Essence will be posted to you.

What things, events, emotions, areas in your life have been unfolding for you?  2019 is here to make an impression, stamp a big difference.  As always we need to slip into the stream and flow with the current.  Tune into the current vibration.  Trust what you know to be right for you.

2019 is a significant year to create the nurturing that supports and encourages thriving… that makes you happy.  What feels good for you?

lotsa love to you 💚🌈💚 marilyn

Let’s shift the focus to Gratitude

It’s easy to get caught up… in what’s not feeling good, or what is lacking.  Or so we perceive.

It’s important to remember to honour and love your self.   Yes we forget.  And when we remember, we get to experience that sweet feeling again.

Things happen in life.  But amongst it all is you, is me.  And that’s what’s important. How I’m feeling in any moment.  How I can give myself what I need.

‘Cause Life is good… very very good.   That Divine Breath honours you with its presence again and again and again.  We get to live a Life on this beautiful Earth.

Today I experienced a kind of rebirth.  It was an enlightening experience. After last years intensive coaching training and all the digging we did in our body and psyche. All the learning and new skills which I’m still completing and assimilating the process.  It’s been one of the most transformative chapters in my life.

What supported me to have this rebirth experience today after months of intensive experience… was coaching time with my beautiful sisters.  It’s such a powerful resource… to feel safe, held, heard and seen.  To be held in a container of such skill and presence… and love.

So much is possible…  I think I’ve known this all my life.  It’s what keeps me going, taking the steps.  Yes, a bit of Virgo’s impulse ‘to make better’…  Scorpio’s to evolve and transform.  ‘Cause we’re always in constant motion… we’re never standing still. Everything is evolving every single moment.  But we get a choice… as to which way we’re heading.  We do this with our focus.

After this morning’s transformational call…  I was reminded of my blessings as I slipped into the river… full tide flowing with strength and gentle ease.  I swam and swam and swam and swam… immersing myself in the great healing waters of Neptune.  And was reminded once again of the power of gratitude.

Gratitude for my Life, gratitude for me.  Gratitude for everything I have.

During these luscious moments of Dark of Moon ~ especially in the compassionate sign of Pisces… we get to experience the amplification of our feelings, we get to dive into the depths inside us and find that sweet place of just being.   A big and powerful yet gentle New Moon gets ready to birth.  Use these last hours before the birth to feel into the magickal depths of you.

Much love ~ and Special New Moon Blessings…. marilyn💎💎💎

Gentle Okayness 💚💚

I need to be ever present,  and aware of how I use my body.

The Ortho-Bionomy session was amazing.  So skilled and gifted the therapist.   We ‘pair’ really well.

A time of finding, creating a new foundation… on which to rest, live and be.  My foundation prior had been built on centuries of pain and heartbreak.

It morphed into my cells… settled and formed in my bones.  It became me, but wasn’t me.  Wasn’t even a tug of war… it became a stalemate; a paralysis of time and space.  Interwoven, intertwined into everything.  But underneath the original imprint remained.  It’s heartbeat faint,  existing in a suspended state.  Stiff, unbending… held in another time.  Like Sleeping Beauty encased in glass.

The Faerie Godmother then touched me with her magick wand… and broke the spell.

So much unfolded in this masterful session.  My left leg, paralysed so long ago… presented in such an exquisite way.   So pure, untouched and sacred.  Carrying the innocence of long ago.  The ‘opening’ of my left hip in the previous session created a visceral foundation of strength… a new possibility of being.  

The connection between my shoulder and neck with my hips and sacrum.  The pain was intense.  The body stores everything… on all levels of experience.   The deep, deep pain in my solar plexus…  so old, so ancient, so constricted, so buried; so painful.

The unravelling continues… impassioned by the desire to be who I am.

We are way more courageous than we understand.  To strive for more,  to turn around and face the ghosts; those shadows that’ve walked with us for so long… those things we’ve been running from.

The Hero’s journey takes courage, yes… but what other option is there?

It’s innate in us to return home to our self.

 

marilyn 💖💖💖

Brewing in the cauldron

The pic above was not taken by me (author unknown) and I’m not sure how this image relates to this post ~ ‘Brewing in the cauldron’.  Maybe incidental… yet  I know there’s no such thing.

Many were super excited and thrilled to see these beautiful flags appear on the Brunswick Heads bridge; crossing the river to the beach.  I didn’t get to see them up front and personal…  they were only there for two days.  A neighbour alerted me to their sudden appearance… ‘have you seen the flags down on the car bridge?’ he said excitedly.   His emotions beaming off him.

Such beautiful flags… I was hoping they’d become a permanent fixture.  But alas, not yet.  Maybe this is something ‘brewing in the cauldron’.  Getting ready to birth.

I guess what’s ‘brewing’ is all around… taking the time needed to allow the magick to unfold.  The alchemical process of life.  The natural laws of Life always governing.  Moving with these forces, aligning our self with their rhythm and movement… creates a flowing existence for everything.

Seems such a fine line at times.  Allowing the gentle unfolding, the ‘brewing’ I feel stirring inside me.  And keeping an eye on resistance and procrastination.  ‘Cause really… I’m never going to be perfect enough, so may as well begin right now.  This moment of now will never repeat.  It’s a hard one to get my head around.

We’re perfectly imperfect.  And ain’t that grand.  Would be a real pain to have perfect people running around; eeek the thought… Stephford Wives on steroids.

No, imperfect we are.  But turning our gaze inside for a bit… feeling the movement and swirl of these creations getting ready to birth.  Inside our body.  Bit like the cosmos itself… birthing, creating, bringing to life.  In the magick way only it knows how.

Life is amazing, fascinating and awesome.  We are part of the cosmos… we’re created from Star matter.  We are one with everything… same Life Force running though our veins.  Same magick constantly happening… Creation constantly in motion.

Last year was big.  And yes, the year before that and the year before that.  Last year ~ inspired and guided by the great benevolent hand of Life, I turned and faced my demons.  Shadows that had long been hidden.   Everything seeks inclusion and wholeness.  Every part of us seeks love, acceptance and healing.

My motivation and ‘courage’ in choosing such a thing was healing the ocean.  I know that may sound super idealistic…  I am an ‘idealist’ (an INFJ in Myers Briggs).  But it wasn’t blind faith… I need to see and hear and feel.  My Earth Sun and Moon bestow that primary focus on me.

My heritage and  gifts blessed me with heightened sensory perception.  Meaning… at times I see and hear and feel ‘behind the veil’.  The non-material, the unmanifest.  I don’t think this is particularly peculiar for a human to experience… I’m sure animals and other forms of natural life experience this heightened perception.

‘I got the message’ so to speak…  it’s like an impulse that stirs deep inside and I know I need to respond.  I need to listen, to act, to ask, to proceed.

Yes ‘healing the oceans’ was my inspiration to saying yes to the intense coaching training programme offered.  The journey’s been deep.  Working with Tantric and Somatic techniques and principles… diving deep into my body and psyche.

I uncovered things I’d not known existed.  Shadow pieces operating in my unconscious… that never saw the light of day.  Except of course reflected in the things I attracted into my life.  As we are so we live, as we are aware we create.  As we do so we become.  As we feel so we manifest.

Was it brave… I’ve seen this quote often (author unknown):

‘Family dysfunction rolls down from generation to generation, like a fire in the woods, taking down everything in its path until one person in one generation has the courage to turn and face the flames.  That person brings peace to their ancestors and spares the children that follow.’ 

I understand that it happens that way… but is it courageous?  In a way yes.  But I don’t see it that way.  We are one part of a continuum…  a part of a tribe, family, community.  We are part of Earth’s community.  I didn’t set out to heal my family line.  I heard a call and I responded.

My sensitivity allows me to go deeper… a knowing and a sense arose showing me that this path was a great healing path.  The next step in my healing and thus the healing of the whole.  My love and deep sense of connection with the Earth is natural for me. To care, to love, to honour, to be a part of… is a natural response for a human being.

How can we feel disconnected with life if we are a part of it?

Anyways… it’s brewing.  All the deep diving last year, the deep, deep rest of January… the learning; a new pace to move and approach everything.  To trust myself.  To give myself time… to focus on my internal world and watch it manifest into the here and now.

I don’t think we ever stop learning and evolving… and thank god for that.

Donning my witches hat, stirring with my favourite giant wooden spoon; the bubbling, smoking, licentious, magickal steaming brew.  Manifestation in process.  All super exciting… when I remember.

Wishing you all you wish for your wondrous Self ❤️❤️❤️

I’m ready, I’m ok, I accept, I acknowledge

The appointment with the doctor, the nervous tension that’s been building… as the day approached.  No reminder text arrived, maybe they’ve forgotten me.  Has happened before.  Opening time not till later… decided to do fluid body activation practice to calm my nervous system.  Activating the fluid body stimulates the parasympathetic system.  I’m learning to move to this place more and more.  After years of heightened arousal.

It was a deep and potent experience.  Lots came up.  My Ortho-bionomy and Energy awareness enable me to observe and work with my spine in a more focused way.

It’s obvious the lack of response, the paralysis (past) of my left side.  And the contraction and tightness of my right side.

Doing this practice more regularly, as well as activating my fluid body/fascia and parasympathetic nervous system… I can work on my spine with Ortho-bionomy and energy work.

That ‘time’ came up.  My little girl.  My inner child that lives and exists within me. The one I often think of as ‘someone else’.  It’s hard to know her as me.  Yet she is.

I observed, I allowed, I accepted, I acknowledged, I Loved.  My intention in the Deep Rest work was – ‘I Love the Beauty of My Being’.

Everything I’ve done – all the training, learning, experience, trials and tribulations. All the suffering, all the loss, all the pain and anguish.  All the sacrifice, all the victimhood, all the anger, all the rage.  All the depression, all the loneliness, all the joy, all the happiness.  Everything is for my healing.

So I can be whole once again.

I have so much to be proud of, so much to be grateful for; so much to cherish, admire and adore.  I am a wonder, a miracle… a precious life in evolution.  I am blessed and loved beyond what I could ever imagine. I truly am a child of god… one lovingly and personally created by the Great Life Force itself.  That one beating Heart of Life… the Love from which everything originates.

I am mercy, I am compassion, I am unity and can never be divided.  I am whole, I am complete.  I am knowledge, I am wisdom.  I am everything and will be forever more. I am a speck, so tiny… and yet so powerful and great.  I am created to be everything.

That practice this morning uncovered so much… the separation between me and my little girl.  The distance that’s been created… the locked doors and impenetrable walls.  The hiding, so much hiding.  The fear that had frozen my blood creating cracks in my artery walls.  The stiffness, the immobility, the paralysis… the wish to die.  To end the suffering, to alleviate the pain.  To stop the harassment… to forget, to forget.

But we never forget, we never forget.  All that ever was exists in my body… calling out, crying out to be given a seat at the table in my heart.

I’ve taken off the shades, taken the cotton from my ears, opened my eyes, removed my arms from around my chest.  I’m ready, I’m ok, I accept, I acknowledge.  I know no fear… it’s only a shadow.  Look for the Light… welcome it in.

I feel the beat of the drums… so sacred, so healing.  Their beat and rhythm synchronising my heart waves.  My home, my life… been waiting for all along.  I sing, I rejoice.  I’m home once again.

I love myself truly… every cell, every atom.  Every molecule, every hair, every nail, bone and membrane.  I love it all.  It’s a miracle I exist.

Most importantly – I accept myself.  I invite my self to sit in the throne of my Heart.  I am me and I live on planet Earth.  I celebrate my existence.

much love to you 💚🧚‍♂️💚