saying yes …🌸

It’s possible I overdosed.  I had three coaching sessions in a week.  That’s a lot for me.  I’m super sensitive ~ and I respond to psyche inquiry very readily.  My psychologist/counsellor friend use to say to me ‘you travel easily’.  Meaning my psychic sense is strong.  And of course it works in its own unique way.  I also coached one session.  (And one of the three sessions was a counselling session… coaching and counselling do differ).

That’s a lot of inviting to the surface ~ no surprise Pluto’s presence is strong; during his retrograde movement he dives even deeper.  As if he wasn’t deep enough😊

Post an avalanche of depth diving, travelling into different times, seeing things. Experiencing them physically in my body.  I got the ‘flu’.    What fascinated me about the symptoms of my ‘flu’… was how they correlated so succinctly with the body/mind experience I had in the counselling  session in particular.

The first day of these ‘flu’ symptoms I was feeling pretty spaced out.  Hardly earthed at all.  I had chills and felt weak and my left kidney (or at least the place is sits at the back of my body) really hurt.  I had my hand on it all the time… I could feel how much nourishment and nurturing it needed.  I don’t remember getting pains in my kidney area before.

Yes ~ I did have three in a row early morning swims… which was glorious and so look forward to doing again.  But the westerly wind was quite chilly.  The ocean was mild but the wind got you when you came out of the water.  Short story ~ I think I got a chill.

But of course what is really happening is that I walk on the path of healing… which has been a life long one for me.  I’ve been digging deeper ~ not satisfied with just enough… but aiming to thrive.  When you dig deep things come up.  We can give it space to stand up, express if it needs and be ready to release.

The experience I had during one session which connected so strongly with my kidney pain… I was prompted to go back to a traumatic event long ago, and I did it purely in my body.  My focus stayed with the sensations and feelings in my body.  I experienced it briefly ~ the absolute terror and shock.  Of course it stored in my kidney ~ my weakened left kidney (from the virus that attacked at the time.

Having the Centaur Chiron ~ Magickal Healer ~ in my house of health and the body.  Like I said my life’s been one long healing journey.  But I’m seriously grateful for all my gifts.  Everything I’ve been given.

Nothing is by accident.

Healing is a powerful thing.  It’s such a natural thing.  Such a sign of the Love filled universe we reside in.

In some ways as I move through time I see that one constant amazing beautiful thing… life in its zillions of forms.  And yet I also feel an expansion.  I feel an opening.  A new world is birthing my friends.  Our focus is powerful.  Vision and create the world you truly Love.

lotsa love ~ marilyn❤️❤️❤️

 

 

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stepping out 🦄

image from BuddhaDoodles.com

Stepping out again.  I asked myself ‘what are the first steps?’  I then realised I’m always doing them.  They may be baby steps, or even invisible at times.  It’s easy to overlook what we do.

I cemented my intention a long time ago.  Maybe during my journey through the canal…  my first encounter of a deeply threatening kind.  The walls were so close (or so they seemed)… so unbending I thought.  There was a split second when I considered aborting the mission.  Just for a second… then I said to myself ‘if I can get through this, I can get through anything’.

Our mental state, our sense of safety and trust… support and holding is so enormously important; critical you could say. Especially when involved with the massively transformational journey of birth.

I ‘went back’… to my passage through the birth canal.  It was the day or day after I had my first big ‘crash’ (what I call them)… this one diagnosed as an adjustment disorder. More commonly know as a nervous breakdown.  That sensitive gene obviously inhabiting my family DNA.

It manifested in my Mother’s sister… after the breakdown of her marriage to her philandering red headed extroverted husband.  Resulting in her hitting the booze… replacing food with that frothy amber ale. My Mother’s side is of Irish descent.

It was around 1960.  The process during these times meant anyone who experienced a ‘nervous breakdown’ was put into an asylum ~ a mental hospital. Especially if they were a woman.

She was 42yrs old.  She was fully conscious of where she was and what was going on.  She surmised (trusting the establishment🙁) that as she’d been placed in a psyche hospital she must be ‘mad’.

She quickly began fretting…  expressing out loud her shame and fear and concern that these ‘mad’ genes would be passed on to her children.  She was deeply despondent. Not long after being admitted to the hospital she fell prey to pneumonia and died shortly after.

I clearly remember the night we visited her… just after she’d been admitted.  The scene of that night is painted clearly in my memory store.  It was night time and it was a Full Moon.  We needed to walk through these dark shadowy gardens to get to the main building.  I remember everything  being so dark.  And piercing the air around us were patients howls and screams.  Truly!  Just like a scene from a scary movie.

I was only young.  Maybe twelve or thirteen.  And as we walked into the ward and approached Eileen’s bed… I quickly absorbed the scene.  I could see what was going on.

In my head I said to myself… ‘she’s not mad, she just needs some good nutritional food.’  It was super clear to me.

She died two weeks later believing she was mad.

Somethings have changed since 1960, but no where near enough.

 

Much love ~ marilyn💚🧚‍♂️💚 (Healing Happens❤️)

 

the passion to heal 🧚‍♂️

Have I been in the birthing chrysalis? The string of the binding pulled so tight. Yes to keep me safely held (which I couldn’t see) but to increase the pressure… on those remaining globs of energy, stuck on ancient walls.  Dark, steaming mounds… old composted experience, emotions and lifetimes. Generations the parade has continued. Passing from one to another… the baton for liberation and peace.

Healing that swamps generations. Begins as a trickle, then a flow.  Then the dam is burst.  Everything is cleansed in its path.

We begin ~ ’cause we want to feel better, we want to feel good, Love our life… enjoy the precious moments we have here, in this paradise Earth.

We seek healing ~ we look for answers, ones that are congruent with our internal wiring… ones we know are true.

It is possible to know.  Not just believe. We are knowing sentient beings.

Made in the image of the Great Life Force itself… the one masterful Creator of all beginnings, all endings and all inbetweens.

Of course our clever mind can never truly understand.  But we can know it, we can feel it.  And how wonderful to move with it.  Flow with it.  Dance with it.  Share joy with it.

We seek healing ~ along the way we discover we’re not just healing our self. But our entire Ancestral line.   All who’ve come before me and all who’ll follow.

And as we heal our self, we heal our world.  Everything heals.  Life is truely magickal.

❤️🧚‍♂️❤️

 

 

 

Telling your story🌟

Camperdown Children’s Hospital  (image from i.pinimg.com)

‘It is a strange thing that all the memories have these two qualities.  They are always full of quietness, that is the most striking thing about them; and even when things weren’t like that in reality, they still seem to have that quality.  They are soundless apparitions, which speak to me by looks and gestures, wordless and silent – and their silence is precisely what disturbs me.’   Enrich Maria Remarque, All quiet on the Western Front

Looks like a haunted house!   Like something out of the Adam’s Family.  At least that was my first impression.  And the one after that… and after that.  It still looks haunted to me.  It quite possible is.

I resided in that ‘house of horrors’ for a while… long time ago now.  But the resonance of that time continues to unravel.

You hear the word trauma… I certainly had.  But never connected it to me.  Oh yes I figured there must’ve been a scar.  That it must of changed me in some way.  But really I had no idea of the magnitude.  And the resulting patterns and grooves that continued to unfold my life.

‘The “night sea journey” is the journey into the parts of ourselves that are split off, disavowed, unknown, unwanted, cast out, and exiled to the various subterranean worlds of consciousness. . . . The goal of this journey is to reunite us with ourselves.  Such a homecoming can be surprisingly painful, even brutal.  In order to undertake it, we must first agree to exile nothing.’   Stephen Cope

What those early years did ignite in me was a serious and long term passion for healing.  And an also long term curiousness about the psyche; what influences us to act and think the way we do.

                                                            ♥♥♥

Last birthday I turned seventy.  Yeah that sounds significant.  I’d never been particularly age concerned before.   Yes as we age we experience changes, in particular the different responses we elicit from the world around us.

But it’s certainly venturing into a whole new chapter of life… the closing decades of a life cycle.  Of course our departure from Earth can happen at any age and is not dependent on ‘growing old’.

I’ve reached elder years… but am yet (at least publicly) to declare myself that.  In some ways I’m back still at different ages trying to find myself.  ‘Cause all of me exists inside me.  Everything I’ve done, everywhere I’ve been, all I’ve ‘achieved’, all I’ve ‘lost’, everything that I’ve ever experienced is safely filed inside me.

And each one of us is entirely unique.  Meaning never has there been or never will there be another one of you.  It’s hard to truly get the mind blowing significance of that… and the OPPORTUNITY.

The thing about life is that it keeps on keeping on until it doesn’t anymore.  We get a chance to ‘perfect’ this amazing creation called ME.. until the last breath leaves.  Of course everything is ALREADY PERFECT… we just keep getting opportunities to know and accept this more and more.

I love living.  I do.  And my focus is to be here as long as I can.  It feels like such an amazing opportunity… to be here on Earth and be exposed to so much experience and involvement.  So much potential to grow, evolve, understand, know, experience, enjoy, love, rest, acknowledge, honour, play, accept, surrender, flow, study, learn.  And the list goes on.

What prompted me to write today was the courage needed to tell your story.  To be truly authentic, open and honest.  An author friend of mine shared a quote I’ve always remembered… forget the exact quote but it was basically to become a writer/author you need to be BRUTALLY HONEST.  That’s a journey in itself.

You could think this was easier now than it’s ever been.  With the distribution and exposure available now on the big wide web.  But does it make it any easier to be truly authentic, open and true to your core?

I don’t think so.  ‘Cause that seems to be the result of a deep internal navigation of your being.  It doesn’t happen overnight.  Yeah doesn’t mean we all go at the same speed.  We have our own unique timing.  We have our own way of approach, resistance and procrastination.  We have our own fears.  We have our own wounds, our own trauma… whether big or small.  But I don’t think you can measure them.

I’ve always been motivated and inspired to participate, to create, to share.  To be a part of our collective community.  To play my part in making a wonderful world.  And I’m a writer… I write.  Started and continued for many years with poetry… until it changed form.

I don’t know why… but it feels like I get impulses and messages in my head, that travel down my arms and need to flow out of my fingers.  I read once that marilyn meant ‘story teller’.   Well I have this crazy desire to tell my story.  I luv stories and I think everyone has a fascinating one.

So the big thing is the HONESTY.  The open authenticity… of not hiding anything.  I’ve always leaned on the PRIVATE side.  Remember my first impression of Facebook (back when it started)… couldn’t imagine ever participating.  Sharing your personal details publicly for all to see…. I was aghast!!  Took me a while before my desire to write and share broke through that one.

But it’s still not easy for me… I’m still learning.  And during my recent training in Sex, Love and Relationship Coaching I stumbled across a heap of old hidden stuff.  Deeply tucked away in my psyche.  I was drawn to this training for what I’m sure appears like a very strange reason.  The reason ~  to HEAL THE OCEANS.  I’ll share that story another time.  But there is a connection.  A connection between woman’s WOMB and the deep mysterious oceans on Earth.

So I wanna tell my story… not because I’m anything other than myself.  We all have talents and skills for a reason… and that is to share.   To contribute to the healing and restructuring of our wonderful community on Earth.

So wish me courage… and love.

Acting is not about putting on a character but discovering the character within you: you are the character, you just have to find it within yourself – albeit a very expanded version of yourself.’  Tina Packer

much love ~ marilyn❤️🌸❤️

 

loving myself ❤️

The two foundational ‘Integrative Powers’ in the coaching journey are ~ clarity and acceptance.

First we must become clear on what it is we desire. What it is we want to achieve. What our being most longs for.

Becoming clear on our objective ~ we then consider ~ can I accept this desire, this wish, this longing?  Can I accept the feelings, emotions and bodily sensations that arise with this desire?  The most affective transformation sits on acceptance.  Its finding a true place of acceptance somewhere in your body/mind.

I guess we could ask ~ do I accept myself?  Do I accept my desires and wishes?  Do I accept my right to choose?  Do I accept the deep core of my being?

I did a luscious Rest Retreat with Kylian Martin at the beginning of the year.  I know some deep part of me needs deep rest so badly.  It sometimes feels as if I’ve been wound up so tight for so long… my body’s frozen in this position and unable to release.

So much trying, so much achieving, so much compromise, so much shutting off and out.  So much trying to squeeze into a shape you never were made to fit.

During the Deep Rest Retreat Kylian invited us to create an intention.  The words popped into my head straight away… ‘I honour the beauty of my being’.  I said it over and over.

Last year deeply immersed in the intensive coaching training I was involved in… I became aware of how much my experience of self-love was growing, in a way I’d not experienced before.  I really was putting myself first, taking special care of myself.

Life happens ~ and many things can pop up onto your path, diverting the direction and scenery for a while.  I’m not quite sure what sparked it off… this intense focus on my family/ancestral healing.

I suspect it was due to the deep dives into my body and psyche… our trauma training took me.  Being a Virgo I have a particularly active body/mind connection going on.  Anything comes up ~ I feel it straight away someplace in my body.

Being seventy I’ve had lotsa time to get stuck in some habitual grooves… I’m ever grateful for my passion for healing.  Who knows how far we’ll get along this golden path.  But while there’s breath, there’s hope (that was a marilyn quote).

So these last six months… since just before my birthday in September, the gates opened and in flowed the tsunami.  And I’ve been feeling every bit of it in my body.  And somehow amid it all I’ve forgotten all about loving me.

Sometimes it’s hard if your body hurts, your head feels weird, or you’re feeling isolated and cut off… drowning in a sea of people.  But we are the only one who is always here.  Always available (whether we’re conscious of it or not).  Always on your side, always knows the whole story, always knows your incredible worth, always loves you more than anyone could possible hope to.

So clawing my way back onto the path of self love.  Not sure how I slipped off it.  And yes of course I resist, I procrastinate, I hesitate, I doubt, I wallow in my pain.  But yes… maybe, just maybe I do everything I do,  because … I know best.

much love to you ~ marilyn ❤️💋❤️

(tried typing these words directly on the keyboard… I normally write by hand directly into my journal.  Then sometimes also type them into the computer.  Means doing it twice.  So trying different ways to see if there’s a notable difference in the transmission.  As I’ve always been a hand writer)

my hunger for life💚

It’s St Patrick’s Day 💚  Celebrating my ancestral roots… those rich green magickal lands of Ireland.

I celebrated with a sunny spot at my favourite corner coffee shop… just across from where I live. Haven’t been there much in a while… as I’ve wiped coffee from my life.  I never have drank much, and when I do its half strength and milky.  It’s just my dose of social interaction.  ‘Cause I spend a lot of time alone.

Went for an early swim before… the water was warm, the tide was in.  I only go out the back (of my cabin) when the tide is high… as I need to float or swim through the mangroves to get to the open space of the river.  Well it’s actually called a creek.  But it’s not like any creek I’ve known before. It’s long and it’s wide… and deep. Yep looks more like a river than a creek.

It branches off from the Brunswick river not far from my cabin.  And that part of the river is close to the river’s mouth at the ocean.  So you could say on each high tide the river/creek is filled with ocean water.  It’s mostly clear and clean.  Only after heavy rain and storms does it show some debris floating by.

My hunger for life.  I think it’s always been that way.  I fought for my life all those years ago.  I stepped up to the plate, stretched out, felt the pull to express.  I was passionate about life.  Passionate about growth, wellbeing and health.  You could say I was a passionate girl.

I got off pretty scot free… or so it seemed.  Having been hit from that super virile virus so young… I appeared to fully recover.  And so set off to climb my mountains.  I was enthusiastic and willing. Something kept pulling me on.

Then slowly things began to appear.  Around fifty was the start of it… the Chiron Return?  It’s also a time for woman when her hormonal fluctuations begin to manifest.  I never experienced the classic signs of menopause… then I never experience the classic signs of anything.  That’s the problem.  As most solutions are for classic signs.  Those other ones are a mystery to everyone.

But I’ve always loved a mystery.  I certainly don’t lack in the curiosity department.  I’m an eternal student… always curious, always learning.  I’m highly sensitive… so I see, hear and experience things above and beyond.  It gets lonely sometimes (often🙁) ’cause there don’t appear to be herds of people aligned with my vibration. Let’s just say there’s not a lot. Sometimes I feel like a galactic import… from another dimension in time and space.   Yet I love Earth… and I love being here.

I don’t give up.  I can have a dog with a bone thing happening sometimes.  It works both ways.  I could let go more.  But I live in me.  I live in my body, I know what goes on and how it feels.  I’m pretty smart.  I perceive things at their core at times.  And yes like any other human… I can be blind, make mistakes and move into denial.  So where does that leave us?  Which side of the line do you stand?  With what others think? Or what you know?

It’s a lonely path at times.

I’m sooooo grateful for my hunger for Life.

lotsa love ~ marilyn🧚‍♂️💋🧚‍♂️

a mighty new astrological year approaches…

Ahhhh Snowie ~ I miss you heaps.  My longtime feline friend❤️❤️

We’re a week away from the Equinox/Full Moon in Libra…  a special beginning to the 2019 Astrological Year.   March 21st (here in Oz/) right off the mark is the Equinox, exact 8.58am.  Full Moon follows at 1.45pm.

Adding to this super benevolent blessing from Venus is the special zodiacal degree of this Full Moon in Libra… 0 degrees.  A significant placement in astrology.  0 degrees of the Cardinal Signs (Aries, Cancer, Libra, Capricorn) is referred to as the ‘Aries Point’, the AP.

The AP represents a movement (cardinal) from an inner quality to an outer manifestation.  It orients us towards the world at large ~ society, public events and all relationships propelled from the individual to the collective.  Sometimes it represents a ‘spectacular out rush of energies… and involvement with the world at large.’  Celest Teal

O degrees of Cardinal Signs are the Equinox and Solstice points. The changing of the seasons… the apparent change of direction of the sun.   They are significant activation points… propelling inner qualities to manifest outwardly.

Libra represents relationship. This coming turning point is shining a light on relationship. Venus reminds us that relationship holds the key to our new cycle ahead. It’s time for us to unite ~ neighbourhoods, communities, cities, towns countries.  And the first step to this apparent massive intention… is loving me.  Falling deeply in love with myself.

What small changes, new movements or habits could you welcome  into your life?   To honour and love your unique and wondrous self… like never before.   You are totally unique and created from Love.

There’s heaps of cosmic support at present helping us create a more caring, loving  and peace filled world.  As dear Louise Hay so often reminded… it all begins with loving you.

How can you ride the wave of this special, magickal Equinox time…  not one to let slip by. What new direction can you allow to unfold… welcome in? Remembering your power to manifest your most treasure desires is now heightened.  Could say… propelled with Venus rocket fuel.

I’m celebrating this gifted new beginning ~ with stepping out another step.   A big one for my Sun who likes to snuggle away in my cave.  There’s been lots of energy focusing on my ‘public face’ of late, the MC in my natal chart.  Been heaps of activation.  And we know ~ it’s best to go with the flow.  So much easier.

I will be offering Tarot readings, Astro updates, Flower Essence consultations, Chakra Balancing and Energy Clearings… which can all be done remotely (from a distance).  Flower Essence will be posted to you.

What things, events, emotions, areas in your life have been unfolding for you?  2019 is here to make an impression, stamp a big difference.  As always we need to slip into the stream and flow with the current.  Tune into the current vibration.  Trust what you know to be right for you.

2019 is a significant year to create the nurturing that supports and encourages thriving… that makes you happy.  What feels good for you?

lotsa love to you 💚🌈💚 marilyn