A fragile morning. . .

                          Sunset last night

The last few days I’ve been feeling so tired. . .so exhausted.  Now these events are familiar. . .they’ve been part of my journey.  My reactions are also quite familiar. . .frustration, resistance and sometimes so tired that just plain teary.  I hate being vulnerable!  I know, that’s a strong word.. . .and I probably don’t hate it. . .it just confuses me.

You see. . . I just don’t know when it’s going to happen. . .or what I’ve done to bring it on.  Call me thick, I am at times. . .I’ve been told for years. . to not overdo it.  But what is overdoing. . .need to be a genius to work that one out. . .it’s so individual.  Well, the people on the Post Polio site say ‘don’t do anything if you are tired’. . .well, I say. . .I would never have done much!

Yes, I know. . . .I need to be more in tune with my body. . .it’s been a long journey with this learning.  What I can do and what I can’t. . .usually don’t know till I’m struggling to keep body operating. . . .that’s why I get frustrated!!  At times, over the years. . .I’d also get angry with myself. . .I’m supposed to be bright. . . .so how come so stupid.  Ok, Ok. . .I’m not being down on myself here. . . I’m not. . .I’m just observing. . . there’s a difference.

I think back. . .what did I do yesterday. . .’cause this morning having difficulty breathing. . .I’m a mess. . .and I so wanted to plant those Agapanthas today. . .they’ve been sitting in buckets of water for a couple of days. . . .AND. .it’s a great Moon day for planting.  Well it could have been all the digging I did. . .removing them from their stubborn roots.   And that other digging you did a few days ago. . .pulling with every fibre of muscle power you had. . .and from what ‘they’ say. . . those muscles of yours ain’t ‘normal’ (nerve damage from Polio).  And then cleaning the house yesterday. . .it’s a very big house. . .and the fire each night. . .so warm and gorgeous. . .does make the house more dusty. . .and yes I am a Virgo, I like things to ‘feel’ clean.  And the strange thing. . .whenever I feel tired or out of sorts. . I’ll often want to clean.  I’m sure it’s an ‘energy’ thing for me. . . need to clean up the energy around me. . . it does work. . .but sometimes I overdo it. . .and . . . . . .

Yes, I know I do it to myself. . .but it always takes me by surprise. . .each time. . .am I thick or what?

Anyway. . .last night after I’d lit the fire and before I turned on my ‘Soap’ addiction (it’s been a bit heavy lately, don’t like it). . .I went for a walk outside.  Now I live in this magickal place. . .Ancestors, Faeries, Light Spirits everywhere. . .I’m very lucky.  It’s a big place, a property and I can’t really take care of it myself. . .but somehow we’ve managed so far, not sure what the future holds. . .but for now it’s magickal and I’m very, very fortunate to be here.  It’s a real genuine Healing Environment. . .true blue!  And boy have I needed it these last 2 years.  Back to outside last night. . .the sky, again, pure magick. . . .my eyes went straight to the Moon. . .she was glowing, golden. . .and she sat above that gorgeous triangle. . .that’s been in the western sky for a while. . . Mars, Saturn and Spica. . .sensational.  She was snuggling up to Mars. . .with Saturn not too far away.  It got me thinking!

Moon with Mars. . .Moon with Saturn. . .over these last few days. . .the days when I’ve been out to the count. . .totally exhausted and body struggling.  I said to myself . . . ‘.we are fluid, we are emotional beings. . ..  .our emotions create an energetic state. . .which effects our physical and mental’.  That’s what the ‘Attraction’ principle is based on.  It was a light bulb moment. . .and it happened by going outside and looking up at the sky.  Yes my Astrological knowledge helps me understand the personal affects of planetary energies.

I thought. . .is that what’s been happening these last few days. . .yes there’s the physical things we do. . .but as I’ve mentioned before, I’m extremely energetically sensitive. . .born that way I reckon. . . so energies affect me strongly.  Now, mentally I wasn’t aware of the Moon aspecting Saturn and Mars. . .my head’s just not had the space for all that lately. . .but looking up at the sky last night. . .I understood something.

I also may have mentioned before. . that my natal Moon is in Capricorn. . . .and I have a Virgo Sun. . .so vulnerability ain’t high on the list for either of these folk.  Add to that the very early years I spent enclosed in hospital walls for a very long time. . . vulnerability was not an option. . .it just wasn’t!!  So it’s not something that’s been easy for me to feel. . .yet when I do. . .amazing things happen.  I feel I am more in touch with ‘me’ and moments of creative brilliance occur.  I’ve begun many a creative project. . .or ‘received’ brilliantly creative inspiration. . .when I’ve been vulnerable. . .usually preceded by my body collapsing.  Now is that necessary. . . .or is there another way.  Maybe that’s the lesson of the moment.

With a Gemini Ascendant. . .I can live in my head. . .well Virgo’s can drift that way as well. . . .the head and the body were different planets for me. . .often. . . now that ain’t healthy.  I’ve learnt, mostly the hard way, to listen to my body. . . I’m still in kindergarten.  I just hope I get it before I push my body over the edge. . .now that would be a real pity; ’cause this little Virgo Gypsy girl came with many gifts and talents. . .and being a little private girl. . and leaning to solitude. . .many of her gifts and talents remain buried deep in her caverns.

2012 is a big year. .. in more ways than we understand. . . but the lessons being made available. . .are superior in their content. . .we are very lucky people. . .to be here. . . here and now.

Happy hours of in-depth discovery

muchest love

marilynxxxx

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