Author: marilyn

thank you to Artist (unknown) for this beautiful painting 

Everything is energy…  vibrating at different frequencies.  Everything has presence… everything has a ‘meaning’… it just needs to be decoded.

Pluto… ‘stationary’ for a few days now… turned to his retrograde cycle early this morning.

The ‘Shadow’ has been very present of late… that part that usually stays hidden… but always making its presence felt… usually in someone or something… outside of us.  We all have one… a shadow that is… the part of our psyche we normally don’t put on display.  We’re conditioned from birth… to be good and play the game… do as we’re told… don’t make waves… be a civilized person… in a civilized world.

There’s  part of us… well… really doesn’t give a shit… but we normally keep her well and truly hidden… after all, what would people say!!  I can still hear my dear Mother saying those words… ‘what will people think’… what a god awful way to live.

Having been a student of Astrology for nearly as long as I’ve been on this Earth… I turn to it at times… to give me a clearer ‘picture’ of what’s going on.  Usually the energy is already very present.  Actually I already ‘know’ what’s going on… I just get kinda excited when I see the Astrology chart saying the same thing… very neat!

The Shadow’s that part of us hidden from view… active in the unconscious… pressing to be made conscious… that’s why it pops up right in front of you.

Living in this time of a New Age birthing… witnessing the old decaying and dying… we are also a part of this transformation.  We’re not linear beings… we’re a massive complexity of connections, dimensions, vibrations… past, present and future.  We’re amazing creations.  And most often we’re only aware of very few parts of our nature.

So why is it important to incorporate the Shadow… that part so often denied and hidden.  Because it’s part of you… part of your history… part of your purpose… and part of your vision.  And with Pluto’s energy so strong at present… the Shadow is  more readily available to our vision.  But we need to let go of what we’ve been taught… to be a good girl or a good boy.  To sit and be still, don’t make any noise… do as you’re told… be a respectable part of this society created for you.  Well… the cracks are now too deep to ignore.

The Shadow is the other side of yourself… like a coin… heads and tails… one doesn’t exist without the other.  What is unconscious needs expression, if we deny it… it finds other ways of its own, often not pleasant.  It can show up in others, often things we don’t like… or sudden situations, seemingly ‘out of the blue’.  Or the most devastating way it decides to get our attention is in our body… usually as illness.

The Shadow is wild… free and uncivilized… it answers to no-one… it knows its own power.

As men and women we have our different manifestations… but after thousands of years of the Patriarchy… the rule of the masculine… the Feminine has been deeply wounded.  As the Feminine wounds, so does the masculine… the Yin and Yang… the two sides of the circle.

So during this rebirth of the Feminine many things may arise… for you personally… listen carefully to what is trying to find its voice… you never know, your very life could depend on it.

So if you hear her rage… as I did recently… listen to what’s she saying… she clearly wants expression.  She needs to be heard and she’ll insist on it!  Yes, it’s not what we’ve been taught… it takes faith and courage… or simply just had enough of being sick and tired… literally for some of us.

There’s only one way for health… and that’s being Whole… the Yin and the Yang together, complete.

I give thanks to Pluto… for the gifts he brings… Life is very kind… I see that constantly.  We’re always being helped… we’re Loved beyond reason.

So if your Shadow turns up… invite her/him in… sit down, have a cuppa… get to know each other.  The power of the Shadow can be a little daunting…  being held down for so long now… but you know you’re brave… you have heaps of courage… and you’re bloody determined… to be whole again.

Pluto time… time for the Shadow to come out and play….  be brave… let him do his thing… to help you.

much love… marilynxxx

in my front garden . . . .

I believe in Healing . . . I do . . . it’s not just trying to convince myself . . . I ‘know’ it’s a reality.  But boy . . .  is it a journey!  And no telling how long it’s going to take . . . it takes the time, that’s needed.  I’m learning so much . . . my biggest lessons, and there are many, ‘letting go’, ‘trusting’ . . . having patience . . . and living in the moment.  Well, the last one’s not that difficult even for one with an over-active, over-stimulated brain like mine . . . ’cause I’m also very sensitive to Energy . . . to all the Beauty and Love . . . that surrounds me . . . constantly.

I mentioned on the last blog that I’d undertaken a Healing Intensive mid-way thru (I like to write it this way) last December.  Well, it wasn’t a new concept as I’d already been on one for nearly two years by then.  Somethings just take the time they do . . . and there’s no rushing them.  I also mentioned that I’m now in . . . well actually just past . . . the second month.  I set the time, this three-month thing . . . who knows, it may need longer.  But as far as the three-month thing goes . . . I’m on the home stretch.  Well. . . there are days where I feel I’m deeper into . ..  whatever this is . . . than ever before.

You see . . . I contracted the Polio virus when I was a wee young girl . .  three, to be exact.  Now, it’s not something I ever spoke of . . or gave any attention to.  Yes, my physical Body showed the effects . .  but I became very good at hiding those.  Now, as I’ve said many times before . . . I’m not fond of labels . . . and even less fond of the modern medical system.  I’m not putting them down here . . . I’m not . . . they just don’t work for me . . . and never have.  I can’t ignore that.  So my search for answers always came down to me . . . my discovery, my understanding.  I know more about my Body than anyone else . . . as do we all.

Over the last years I’ve often referred to ‘my Body and me’ . . . it’s been a long journey . . . full of discovery.

The last few years have been particularly interesting.  They have been focused, entirely, on Healing.  Now . . . I ‘use to be’ a very active girl . .  hey, I’m a double Rat (Chinese Astrology) . . . and a Virgo, Capricorn Moon . . . and a very busy Gemini rising.  Not one for sitting on the sidelines waiting for things to happen.

Three years ago . .  my focus, aim and wholesome wish . . . was to create a Sacred Healing Environment . . . I felt it was ‘time’ and it was ‘needed’.  Well, yes it was . . . but by me.  I’ve never done so little . . . ever!!  Hours upon hours I’ve laid horizontal on my sun-bed, on my beautiful verandah.  This incredibly special, Sacred place . . . I called Mahalia . . . was given to me . . . for my Healing . . . and it continues.

It’s just some days are more difficult than others.

Some days I feel I’m improving . . . then there are others where, well, it’s really a struggle.  I’m not so affected anymore (well . . . as much!!!) by watching the grass grow, the garden go wild . . . ’cause there’s nothing I can really do.  Letting go  . . . has been such a big one.  especially for a little fussy Virgo like me.

my dear friend Snowie

Yesterday I went on the bus to Kyogle . . . first time I’ve been on the bus for ages.  I knew I could no longer do the longer trip to Lismore, I just couldn’t.  But I wanted to get some supplies, especially some vegie and flower seeds . . . I wanted to do some planting . .  it’s a supportive Moon cycle.  Catching the bus means you’re in Kyogle for 6 hours . . . later bus arrives around 9am . .  and leaves just before 3pm.  It’s a long day . . . especially when you’re not used to it.

Since the 3 months ‘Intensive’ began I’ve done even less than before . . . no bus trips.  It was a long day and I had to carry groceries, even thou I took my trolley.  By the end of the day I was really struggling.  Last night I lay flat in front of the TV . . . I don’t watch much TV these days, I find it too grosse  . . . I was just too tired to move.  . . or attempt to read.  Yes, I know. . . it would have been more supportive if I’d showered and gone straight to bed.  But I needed to prepare some dinner, eat . . . and allow some time after before sleeping.

This morning. . . I feel terrible.  My whole system is jarred, out of rhythm, harmony and any natural order.  Doesn’t look likely there’ll be any planting on this wonderful Moon day . . . and well, it hasn’t stopped raining for ages!!  It’s at these times I feel disheartened . . . when will it ever get better . . . my faith falters, my ‘knowing’ covered by pain and discomfort.  Why am I writing this and not in bed . . . I will be back in bed soon . . I just felt it might be clearer to me, if I wrote it.  Especially publicly.

Yes . .  I do believe in Healing. . . with all my Heart and Soul.  I know it intuitively, I understand the process.  Surrendering my Body to the process, I was going to say ‘takes courage’ . .  but it doesn’t really . . . it’s not really courageous . . . it’s simply knowing.

As is the case in these strange and nebulous Body issues . . . ‘labels’ are difficult to formulate . . . which I guess is positive, not being a fan of labels.  The Doctors (which I very rarely ever see) label it Post Polio.  I guess this can be helpful, it connects me to the local Community Nursing, which can offer reduced rates for cleaning etc.

Now that’s a major adjustment . . . having someone clean my house . . . I never thought I’d live to see it.  But I am living to a ripe old age . .  by the Grace of the Creator, that is.  Really I’m grateful for whatever I get . . . but I do get the sense there are many years ahead of me yet.  And . .  the only way that can be . . . is if I Heal myself . . . which is exactly what I’ve undertaken.

I give volumes of thanks to my Ancestors . . . for fine tuning their skills.  So many, have been passed on to me.  For this I am eternally grateful.  Without these ‘gifts’ my self Healing would be that much more difficult.  There are ‘things’ I ‘know’, memories I have . . such beautiful skills I’ve inherited . . . their wisdom I carry . . . I’m forever grateful.  As it’s with these skills. . . that my Healing will be possible.

I am Healing. . . I am Healing . . . I am Healing.  I trust the natural flow . .  I accept the time my Body needs . .  I support her in every moment . . I Love her unconditionally . . . I give her what she needs . . . I whisper wonderful words into her ears . . . I feel her Energy . . . I understand her nature . . . I love her unconditionally.

Healing is happening . . . it’s just some days are more difficult than others.

It’s been a very long . . . Mercury Retrograde . . . more on that later.

lotsa luv . . . and never forget . . just how much you are forever loved

marilynxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It’s the second month of my ‘Healing Intensive’.  It’s a, quite, ‘in-the-moment’ Intensive . . .  allowing the natural flow of energy and events voice and discussion.  ‘Healing’ is a fascinating, multi-dimensional activity.

We carry within us the remnants . . . usually in stored emotions and energetic blockages . . . of all we’ve experienced.  Particularly highly charged events . . . such as traumatic experiences . . . result in physical, energetic blockages within the Body.  Some of these may have been established many years before, some in early childhood . . . and some may be carried on from our parents, grandparents . . . and even further.

During this current journey I’ve undertaken . . . I’ve experienced the massive wound to the Feminine.  Without having to rehash all the ‘stuff’ that’s happened to the Feminine . . . over many centuries . . . what I can say, from personal experience . . . is that we carry those wounds within our Body.  These Emotional  memories create physical blockages . . . stopping the natural flow of Energy thru the Body.  Body parts, ie tissues, organs etc begin to die, without fresh Energy flow . . . . what follows is acute and chronic disease.

I’ve never taken on the label of a staunch Feminist . . . Life took me in another direction.  The first real indication I had, was at the stunning Venus Eclipse, mid last year.  That was a very powerful event for me.  I saw Venus rays descend to the Earth, I felt Venus rays on my skin . . . I experienced Venus rays enter my Body . . . this was real and physical.  I’m particularly happy about my strong ‘sense’ during times like these.

As I experienced Venus rays pass thru my skin and enter the internal sphere of my Body . . . I realized something significant.  I knew, without doubt, that I’d lived my life without her, she didn’t reside within my internal world . . . I’d lost the supreme icon of the Divine Feminine.  That was a startling realization.

I traced back to the time that Venus ‘left’ . . . I was very young.  A Girl, a Woman . . . living without Venus . . . seems an oxymoron . . . but alas, I feel it’s more than common.  Venus has been missing from our lives . . .  possibly for ages.  Could it be that she was ousted . . . during the early days of the patriarchy . . . far too much of a threat to remain in the Woman.

Recently . . . well since the last Full Moon . . . my stomach/intestines etc have been in revolt . . . most uncomfortable.  Fortunately, I understand and believe what I do . . . I knew there were deeper issues.  It’s not always so easy to find ‘therapists’ that can actually work harmoniously with what you know and understand.

My mind was trying to scare me . . . marilyn, I’d say . . . remember, you don’t believe in that!!  I had a pretty good idea what was going on . . . but physically nothing was moving on very fast.  It became difficult to eat . . . I needed some help.  But who to go to . . . always a quandary for me.

Finally yesterday I went to my Naturopath . . . well, she’s not your ‘normal’ naturopath . . . she’s trained and skilled, yes . . . but she’s an old Lemurian like me . . . with old Celtic roots . . . she understands about energy . . . and ‘things’ that can’t be ‘seen’.  She’s a gem.

Yes . . . it was what I thought it was . . .  energetically based.  Now, this does affect the physical . . . my symptoms were incredibly physical.  This issue of the severe wounding to the Feminine runs deep . . . and, I believe, is the basis for a lot of physical issues, especially for women.

With her help, I was able to ‘see’ a deeper issue, I’d not been aware of.  Yes, I knew I had authority, male and power issues . . . my Solar Plexus reminded me of that constantly.  My previous partner often commenting, when he saw me rubbing my tummy . . . . o-oh, something’s happening!

But what I hadn’t ‘seen’ before . . . was myself imprisoned, caged, restricted . . . but what I’d really forgotten was the ultimate power of the Feminine.

Living in the age of the Patriarchy . . . it’s been easier to see the power of the Masculine . . . but more difficult, if at all possible, to see the true power of the Feminine.  I’m grateful for yesterday, for the help I received . . . that there are people around . . who know more that the usual rhetoric.  There is deeper understanding about Life and the Body.  Being aware is the first step . . . trusting ourself is not always easy, sometimes we need the harmonious support of others.

The wound to the Feminine is physical  . . . . and it shows up in the usual places.  We are Women, we need to be aware and be proud . . . of the Power given to us . . . for Life, for Loving . . . for nurturing.  I believe this is what’s happening at present . . . the balancing that’s needed . .  the Healing of the Divine Feminine.  She is the missing piece.  We are all moving toward the Age of the Heart . . . . having been steeply embedded in the Age of Power (Solar Plexus).  This Age was necessary for our evolution as a species . . . but its run it’s course and has peaked!  As we’re well aware.  We’ve all learned about Power manifestation . . . we needed to learn it . . . it’s use and abuse.  We’re currently in the last days of this Age . . . well, may be years . . . it’s as if we had to see the destructive use of Power as well . . . which at present, is happening all around us.

Evolution is movement . . . and we are moving from the Solar Plexus Energy Centre (chakra) to the Heart Energy Centre (chakra) . . . . everything is Energy and is governed by these laws.

We’ve entered the outer circle of the Heart Energy Centre . . .  here the Divine Feminine resides . . . we are coming into an Age of the Feminine . .  where things will change dramatically.  We’re not quite there yet . . . the crossing over of Ages takes the time it does . . . so we learn the lessons we need to learn.  But if we  keep our focus on that tiny light . . . emanating from the new world awaiting us . . . it will inspire us to continue to Love and Trust . . . to share the Beauty and the nurturing . . . to allow the Divine Feminine . . . to Birth in our very Body . . . . she’s been waiting patiently.   We each need to do this . . . individually.

Lotsa luv

marilynxxxx

Faerie Gully in the flood …

Being in the Moment

Over the New Year period I spent many days down in Faerie Gully … a very special spot, here at Magickal Mahalia … where I live.

The bottom boundary fence had not long been completed … a wish I’d harboured since I’d been here, over 2 years.  I visualised it often!  This boundary fence was incredibly important … on many levels. Having the history … and Astrological signature I do, boundaries have been an ‘issue’ for me.  This fence was important … it secured my space … I gave thanks again and again.

Faerie Gully is pure magick!  There’s even a Faerie Tree … she speaks to me.  I felt like I’d found my place, I felt so at home … I fit right in.  I sat down there every day for two weeks … here was where I welcomed 2013.

Just across from the Faerie Tree is the Dam … the most amazing dam … with water I’ve not seen anywhere.  Most days the black, green water shimmers in the sun, reflects everything around, like a clear sheet of reflective glass… it radiates and sparkles with Life giving Prana … the water, most obviously healing.  The residents of the dam … the Dragonflies … blue striped, brown striped and a fawny tan; the Willy Wagtail, brown and blue … and the slender, red billed black ducks feasting in the rushes … plus all the other daily visitors.  Oh, and the gorgeous turtles. I felt like I was the luckiest girl on Earth … to be given such a place to be, feasting on the most exquisite magickal moments.

One evening I decided to go for a sunset swim … I’d become pretty addicted to swimming in the dam … morning, noon and night!  As I left the house block, unlatched the gate, I turned to watch the Sun begin to set.  I stood there for a while, soaking it in … and of course, capturing the moment on my faithful camera … then turned to walk down the hill to the dam.  This was my first sunset swim … I slid into the water … ahhh, feels so good.  I began my gentle breaststroke along the length of the dam … the dam’s pretty big … my body loves it.  And then it started … the most magickal experience I think I’ve ever had!  First it was the Dragonflies … they began their dance; this way, that way, round and round.  Zooming right over my head, inches away … as I continued to swim slowly along. I felt ecstatic … they were playing with me.  This went on for quite a while, their joy was palpable … they were including me in their play.  I was overcome with joy.

Then there was more … the Willy Wagtails began, it was now dusk but I could see them all clearly.  There must have been dozens of them … they started doing the same thing, only their dancing circles covered a greater space.  They too, flew close, over my head … crisscrossed the dam, flew high flew low.  So many different patterns they created … back and forth, high and low, left to right … round and round, and then down over my head once again.  By this stage I was treading water, my mouth agape, just watching … feeling the most incredible elation … and not quite believing what I was seeing.  They were playing with me … they were welcoming me to their home … they were including me in their play … they were dancing with me.  I will never forget that evening as long as I live.

On New Year’s Day … I tried to do the New Year thing … letting go of the past … planning the future … with pen in hand, journal on my lap … you know how it goes.  But it just wasn’t happening.  At that moment, I realized quite clearly . . . that I just wanted to experience the moment.  ‘Cause, gee … it can be just so super amazing … Dreamtime stuff … really.

We have courage … we have focus … we have Love … we have Beauty … we can do it.

Lotsa luv to you all … and enjoy the year of the Water Snake . . . marilyn xxxx

another sensational sunset at Mahalia

“Pay attention right now to what is calling for your attention.  As our intentions come from a higher place, all that is not in alignment will feel louder, heavier and harder to bear . .  until confronted.  You can be sure that whatever is feeling loud and heavy to you now . . . is the dust you need to see. . . the dust is in direct response to the intentions you have put out.”  Dana Mrkich

OK. . . so I’ve been feeling anger again  . . . resentment and anger . . . and there’s often a convenient target!

Anger . . . well, first there’s the stored/unexpressed stuff from years before. . . . the times when you were cut-off, cut short . . . and had no say.  And then there’s the current ‘things’ that somehow conveniently spark it off!

Well the early stuff . . . like getting Polio…  I remember a session I had with my Healer/Therapist at the time . . . my Reiki teacher.  We ‘went back’ as I’m sometimes apt to do in those situations, Regression, I think it’s called . . . revisiting old places and situations.  She was trying to connect with me, speak to me . . . I was about 3yrs old, but I was totally pissed off and I didn’t want to know her . . . I wasn’t engaging.  Now this woman was no light weight when it came to these things . . . but no way was I going to let her near me.  I remember she felt quite surprised by the interaction.  Obviously my Mars in Scorpio was in full expression.

Yes, I was totally pissed off getting Polio . . . gone was my fun and games . . . exchanged for the dreaded life surrounded by ghastly hospital walls . . dreadfully harsh sounds, disconnected people, busy, busy, busy . . . emotional starvation. . . . and fear and overwhelm,  there was plenty of that.  And it wasn’t the kids . . . the confusion reigned supreme in the folk who were attending us.  Overwhelm, fear and frustration . . . what a download to begin life with.  But I’m sure there’s a purpose . . . .

They were overwhelmed and fearful ’cause they didn’t really know how to handle the situation . . .  this epidemic . . . that was clear to me . ..  the energy spoke volumes . . . we had to live in it.  Why such early schooling. . . I guess there’s always a reason.

So first I lose my fun and games . . . and then have to contend with this inhospitable place.  Being experimented on . . . isn’t that what they do?  They don’t really know . . . so they keep trying all these things . . . with little regard as to how they may feel.

Yes I felt pissed . . . really pissed.  I was only trying to help. . . and look what happened!  Now self-judgement . . . a world of new learning.

All alone inside myself . . . observing, seeing, feeling helpless.  They know so little, experiments we’ve become. . . I’m little, my voice doesn’t carry any command.  It frustrates me . . . I feel angry.

So yes, up it comes in the present . . .  it’s my anger rising . . . causing all kind of mayhem in my liver.  Yes it’s ignited. .  but  I have no power over anyone else . . . I only have power over myself.  Well . . . there is other stuff/power, but we’ll leave it at that . . . . .

But something has changed since I was 3yrs old marilyn . . . I’m now a grown, mature (???) woman . .  and I do have a voice that can be heard.

My honouring needs to begin with myself . . . my kindness and care . . . my wisdom and knowing.  It’s not what we’re taught, this self-love and respect . . . but something we learn as we walk along the path.  Without ourself . . . nothing, no-one exists.

We’ve come a long way. . . in our understanding of things . . .  these last few years . . . but these need to be experienced as real. . . not just quotes with a nice picture . . . on your FB page.

Let go of the fear . . .it has no place . . . people either accept you as you are . . . or they don’t . . . we don’t win anything  . . . with deceit.

‘Melting the wall of fear’. . . suggested to me from a friend . . . well, fear is only part of it . . . the other . . . a mighty pissed-off-ness.

Angry at them. . . ‘why are they as they are’ . . .why can’t things be different . .  kinder, warmer. . . more love around.  My dear Mum had a Leo Moon, so deliciously warm and gorgeously generous.  She understood me well, I was her first child . . . we shared many traits . . . we came from the same line.  Yes, home wasn’t ideal . .  there were problems there . . . all hidden behind closed doors . . . but people did see.

I went from her warmth and knowing . . . her protection, her love and caring . . . into a very strange world . .  of fear and tension, emotional starvation, coldness, harsh sounds . . . scary experiments…  Yes, I was pissed.

Little gorgeous marilyn . . . amongst the many gifts she had . . . she had her Mars in Scorpio.  They don’t come much stronger than this . . . Mars, that is.  Both Gandhi and Martin Luther King, both had their Mars in Scorpio . . . among other notable luminaries.

Mars in Scorpio fights to the death . . . a strength of will, not many would dare to approach.  A depth of feeling that feeds powerful desires . . . a dedication to the cause . . . that would keep many breathless.  It’s a powerful Mars, its roots are deep . . . it’s not interested in trivialities, it wants the truth.  It’s power of focus is intense indeed . . . once ignited. . . it sets off energy . . . directly to the target.  It’s very desires begin to create changes in the ethers.  It’s a powerful Mars . . . it works from the deepest primal energy.

The thing with Mars . . . ’cause it’s energy is action and movement. . . whether physical, mental, emotional or metaphysical. . . is when movement is thwarted, stopped in stream. . . it begins to build . . . until it needs some release . . . built up energy releases with a bang!  Yes, Mars is energy . . .raw, undiluted . .  the traditional ruler of Scorpio, the modern ruler of Aries.

We’re all created so beautifully unique . . . and only I . . . like you and you and you . . .can be who I am.

Energy needs to flow . . . . .

lotsa luv

marilynxxx

I don’t know much . . . except what I hear. . . in the moment…  My knowing comes only in the present.

Like a tightly bound bud. . .  loosening its hold . . .  letting go, surrendering . . . to the next stage of growth.

We’re created to know . . . it’s instinctive, it’s natural . . . like a fog in the valley. . . it rises . . .  all things then are clearer.

We’re so much more than we know . . . understand. . .  or could . . . even imagine…  We’re both Earth and Star matter. . .  with a seed of conscious Divinity.

I’ve seen this seed. . .  it was more like a flame. . .  I saw it inside them. . .  when I first came.

My memory of ‘before’ still present but fading . . . into another world . . . so strange and foreign.

But there was a purpose . . .  a significant focus.

It was all about Love . . .  it always has been…   There is no purpose. . .  higher or greater.

We travelled thru time . . . thru space . . . to be together…  Wherever Love goes . . . we have no choice . . . but to follow.

You see . . . we’re bound in unity . . . in a Love that’s Eternal . . . time and space . . . . is only an illusion.

A Longing so deep . . . so full . . . so complete . . . to be with the Love . . . that created my existence…  An eternal longing lives inside me.

marilynxxxx

Sent off my article for the January 2013 edition of The Nimbin Good Times yesterday. . .  titled  ‘2013… coming from my strength’ . . . you can read their great paper on their website. . .www.thenimbingoodtimes.com . .. .  takes a few days till new edition is uploaded.  I’ve been thinking, as I’m apt to do, about ‘coming from my strength’ for some days now.  So being on the cusp of 2013 . . . a very strong Full Moon in Cancer today . . . which is bound to stir up some emotion . . . and ‘past’ memories . . . I’m focusing on my strength . . . . my feelings . . . my needs.  We’re not happy chappies when our needs are not being met!!

As humans we’re bound together in the one primordial energy . . . but with Bodies entombed in our own skin and flesh . . . our own memories, our own unique process. . .  and our own path to tread, our own lessons to learn.  Kindness, Love, Compassion and Caring. . .  go a long way in making our journeys a joy to experience, and for some. . . a reason for living.

I love warmth, kindness and caring . . . a warm welcoming spirit helps me feel appreciated.  Getting in touch with my needs . . . once again . . . oh, how easy to forget.  Of course my ‘feelings’ are always around . . . being Kinesthetic, Empathic, Intuitive. . . with a psychic inheritance . . . . etc etc etc . . . my body feels like one big Feeling Machine.   But then I jump to my familiar analytical process . . . to make sense of it all . . . not always a successful route, but it can be helpful if it leads me in the right direction . . . we have a mind/brain for a reason . . . it’s not always the boggy man!

So once again getting in touch with my Needs . . . they are after all . . . the basis of all operations here.  I’m sure this brilliant Full Moon in Cancer is helping heaps.  It’s not always easy for humans to identify their needs . . . we tend to focus more on behaviour, reacting to outcomes.  But there’s always a reason we feel as we do . . . . it’s been a life long lesson, that one, for me.  Our feelings are connected to our needs . . . they’re the messengers, like our emotions (and often they come tied together . . . ‘specially for us girls. . . .).  When our needs are not being met . . . we’re being told . . . we just  need to become more familiar with the language . . . .AND have the courage . . . . to speak UP!

We are worthy. . . to have our needs met . . . well, it’s not really an option . . . it’s a necessity . . . if we want to be healthy, wholesome, functional human beings.  ‘Cause when they’re not . . . all hell breaks loose . . . we definitely then don’t come from our strength.

On the Macro . . . . I see 2013 as the Year of Peace . . .  on the micro . . . I’ll be coming from my strength.  Oh oh . . . that means speaking up!  But. . . . and a big but . . . in the kindest, caring, loving, respecting way.  It’s an expression after all . . .  not a direction.  It’s building . . . not destroying.  It’s acknowledging . . . not denying . . ..  it’s caring . . . it’s coming from my strength.

So when those feelings come up. . .  which they’re bound to over the next couple of days . . . sit for a moment . . . zoom into your internal world go a little deeper . . . descend with loving kindness, gentleness and sacredness.  Ask to be taken to your Chamber of Needs . . . gently respect the environment you’re in . . . you’re the most amazing Being this world has known . . . you’re born from the Sacred . . . you’ve never left, it’s where you reside.  The door to the Chamber of Needs opens slowly . . . a shining, Golden Light immediately envelopes you.  And there you sit . . . in the centre of this brilliance . . . . yes Sacred One . . . your needs are the most natural part of you . . . they are a part of who you are . . . and they need to be fed . . . just as your Body needs this precious Breath.

May 2013 be a year of Strength for you. . . recognising yourself . . . and shining so brightly . . . that only the strong and loving, kind and gentle . . . are attracted to you.  We can only ‘attract’ . . . we cannot pursue . . . .

lots and lots and lots of gorgeous, brilliant Love, Love, Love . . . to you . . . remember, you are precious, precious, precious . . . beyond words.

lotsa luv

marilynxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I feel better than yesterday. . . Body has settled a bit more . . . lots of sleep last night (madam (fury white bundle) in the laundry) . . . it’s raining outside, it’s light . . . no sun yet . . . the birds are serenading . . . . a new day has begun.  The sweet sound of rain falling . . . caressing and nurturing all it touches. . .  the ground drinking and drinking.  Well, it seems to have cleared my Auric field as well . . .

Yesterday wasn’t an easy day . . . in many ways . . . we have those sometimes . . . being human and all.  But boy, am I ever grateful . . . to truly appreciate the fact . . . that I’m alive.  ‘Cause one day I will not be . . . thankfully we don’t know when . . . and I guess we all hope it will be some time long in the future . . . well, the future just becomes shorter and shorter.  But as the future gets shorter and shorter. . . the past becomes longer and longer . . . memories of all those so incredibly special moments . . . that we got to experience living. . . . we are so incredibly fortunate.

Like the sky .  . being more in touch with those ‘subtle impressions’ now . . .  I can feel some water needs releasing from me.  Interesting how these bodies work . . . fascinating really . . . such a miraculous creation.  Being a Miss Virgo with a Capricorn Moon . . .  and Gemini on the Ascendant . . . emotions don’t often get a look in . . . well at least not on the surface.  Far to busy creating magick . . . to allow interference from those pesky irritations.  But as I mentioned yesterday . . . emotions are messengers . . . and it seems us girls have a stronger connection to them too.  I’m really seeing how powerful they are.  And how they need to be listened to . . . and released.  Bottled emotions. . .  not good . . . we need to consider our Body.  Like I said . .  they’re powerful Energy charges . . . super charged at times . . .They are for a reason . .  ’cause they’re trying to get our attention . . . move, move, move . . . they say . . .we need to be familiar with their language.

What I’ve been experiencing. . . since beginning this recent journey . . . 13th day now . . . and I haven’t always been good; is that relationships are our major learning tool.  Now I’m not talking about just the one with the capital R . . . no . . . all connections . . . with everything, human and otherwise . . . is a relationship.  I know I often hesitate using the word. . . ’cause it’s often so loaded . . . often thought to mean . .  romantic relationships etc.  But no . . . it’s every single thing we’ve connected to . .  over our entire life. . . . and it’s these . . . that have shaped our psyche. . . .and our physical structure.

I like to look at cycles . . . the current influence of everything . . . especially the natural world.  It’s always been an interest of mine.  So as I began to focus on this current intention of mine. . . . Healing Myself . . . I looked back over the last few months . . . all the planetary cycles . . . the eclipses etc . . . as they often are . . . they were very revealing.  Yep, I was back on the operating table.  Maybe I haven’t left it these last couple of years . . . . but it became very clear to me . . . the powerful influence of ‘relationship’ . . .My internal structure had been formed by these . . . scary and fascinating at the same time.

I’m reading this good book at present . . . Rewire Your Brain for Love . . . by Marsha Lucas PhD . . . she’s easy to read, has a cute style . . . in amongst all the anatomical descriptions of the brain.  She’s a Neuropsychologist and Psychotherapist . . . with a geeky (her own description) fascination for neuroscience . . . the way the brain is moulded and shaped . .  by our experiences.  . .  our relationships with the world around us.

Well. . . as mentioned often . . .I’m more of an Energy girl . . . it’s pretty fascinating to read what actually happens in the physical/electrical structure . . . but I suppose . . . it’s energy that allows everything to exist . . . everything is energy after all.

So . . . all my bits and pieces inside . . . have been structured and formed by what’s happened in my life so far . . . I can accept that . . .but we’re creators . . . not victims . . . and we have choice . . . intention . . . focus . . . . and Grace.  We can ‘rewire our brains’ . . . as Martha says.

But I guess what I’m seeing. . . is that when there’s a real intention to heal . . . all the ‘underlying’ energy . . . often blocked . . . begins to loosen . . . and rise to the surface.  It needs to be released.  Our bodies have been doing a stirling job . . . restricted as they have been  . . . by all that blocked, diseased, built up energy. . .  my Pranic Healing training here . . .

Yes. . . . it may be all a bit serious . . . for Boxing Day . . . but to be honest, it doesn’t hold much meaning to me.  I’d be the first to celebrate real things . . . but not just ’cause someone tells me too . . . . the little rebel raising her head.

So hope your holiday time is super enjoyable. . . and you get to share real feeling with loved ones and family.  I had my wonderful family time a few weeks ago . . .  still savouring that.  Love really is  . . . .all that matters.

Enjoy every moment. . . you get. . . to breath . . . and appreciate . . . it’s more precious than we’ll ever really understand

lotsa luv. . . .  marilynxxxxxx

down in Faerie Gully

My journal entry for today (and my first book published next year . . .)

Well. . . . it’s Christmas morning . . . everything around me is the same . . . the ‘natural’ world operating as usual . . . .it’s not a day of significance in their diary.  There are those days thou . . .you can feel the shift . . . the movement of the natural world . . . when something significant occurs.  But man-made (‘scuse politically incorrect) dates just simply go by unnoticed . . .now the day of the Solstice . . . that was different.  I could feel the energy, it was pulsing . . . our great Fire ball in the sky. . . stopped for a moment . . . to change his focus.  Well in the ‘real’ world it’s the Earth that shifts . . . not the Sun . .  but whoever, which one . . . we get to feel it.

I’m incredibly tired today . . . did too much yesterday . .  and didn’t do enough of the things I’d promised.  Big times for me . . . like never before.  I’ve never had this degree of incapacitation before.  Obviously brought about by the fall . .  and then earlier the sprained ankle. . .’they’ say, these things happen.  And not much therapy to counteract the challenges.

Kooka’s think that’s funny . . . or they’re just confirming my awareness.

You see I have this habit. . . of wanting to do things.  It’s how I’ve always been. . . for as long as I remember.  I have a love of Life. . .  a love of creating . . . a love of immersing myself. . .  in the magick.

Went down to the Gully yesterday morning. . . to have a swim in the dam . . .but I see clearly now, that I was already aware of my fatigue.  ‘Cause I hesitated for a moment before going over to the dam, my body just wanting to sit under the tree.  I knew . . . but I overrode my more subtle impressions.  It seems I have to live there now . . . in those subtle impressions.  There will be gifts there of course . . . a new way of living.

Finer and finer and finer . . . it becomes . . . death to the old ways . . . birthing of the new.  Now I reckon we’re all going thru that right now . . . all in different ways . . .unique to us.  It’s like the old way doesn’t work anymore . . . it’s done and dusted.  But only each one of us . . . knows what new way we need to follow.

So into the dam . . . I know I was pushing . . .big, big, big mistake . . . no pushing allowed now.  But I did get to lie down under the Faerie Trees after my swim (8 laps . . . and it’s a big dam . . . am I silly or what!!!) . . protected by the numerous ants in the grass . . . by my beautiful mauve, rayon sarong.  I look up to the sky. . . thru the branches and leaves . . . it’s difficult to describe how magickal it is there, how it feels.  I am incredibly fortunate. . .to be able to experience what I do . . . during these critical times.

‘Cause it seems lots are in crisis . . . including my body. . . the vision of ‘wellness’ so important to hold steady.

‘Leave no room for doubt in your mind’. . .  my dearest, dearest friend reminds me often.  I have been a Doubting Thomas. . .  in fact I gave myself that name.  Amazing things would happen to me . . . and I would start off by saying . . ‘I don’t know whether its my mind or not’.  I’ve travelled many miles since then . . . thank god.  But there’s still areas when this insidious Doubt raises its most unattractive face . . . sometimes I get hoodwinked . . . then I have to untangle myself . . . to get out of its web . . . so sticky it’s tentacles.

Anyway. . . vegie garden in need of attention . . .  didn’t do much . . . but a lot more walking than obviously allocated.  So on my back last night, just into bed . . . my body not happy . . .I’m sorry, I say . . .I’ll take better care of you tomorrow. . . I promise.

You see . . . what I’ve intended . . . I’ve never done before . . .  never, ever . . . in my entire life. . . ‘3 month intensive of resting, healing, nutrition and regenerating’.  Allowing nothing in my life that doesn’t uplift me.  I’ve never been ruthless before . . .but we’re talking about my life now . . . the rules have changed. These times come when we have very few choices.

I decided after a few weeks of quite concerning body symptoms . . . that I was going to heal myself of Post Polio.  Well   . . . as I’ve mentioned before. . . I’m not big on labels . . . and certainly not modern medicine’s analysis of the body.  But they were words that held some relevance . . . but then I added . . .’releasing the blockages . . . created by the energy . . . that birthed the environment . . . in which the ‘virus’ was attracted.

I’m an Energy focused girl . . . it’s always been my ‘thing’. . . much more interested in what lies behind the physical form.  I’ve been this way for as long as I remember . . . I started looking when I was only young . . . looking at symbols . . . and the meanings of certain behaviours.

So I’m Healing myself . . . I think it was the 14th of December I birthed my intention . . . it’s now the 25th . . .I’ve both moved forward and backward.  But I see ‘backward’ movement is just tied to old habits . . . repetitive thoughts . . . ways of doing.  I did say I was a doer . . . well Virgo and Capricorn . . . and both my parents rarely stopped . . . work, work, work . . . keep ourselves distracted from this precious moment called ‘Now’ . . . .god . . . who knows what might manifest!

I believe  . . .  well, I experience . . .that emotions are at the root of most diseases.  Emotions are powerful energy charges . . . they reverberate thru our bodies . . . possibly causing all kinds of carnage.  They’re messengers . . . created in this incredibly sophisticated, simple, intelligent Body . . . they translate our responses to the environment around us . . . . creating our very cellular structure.

They can become distorted . . . when certain emotions carry that extra charge . . . memories in the body . . . from times before.  But overall they’re not too far off the mark . . . they tell us how we’re feeling about what’s going on.  So we get to move our body away from harm.

So not much movement today for me . . . . I’m Healing . . . I’m Healing . . . I’m Healing myself.

marilynxxxxxxx

Well it’s Christmas Day . . . feels like any other.  It’s 5.25am . . . I’m outside with the morning. . . drinking Chai.. . . . with Soy and honey of course.  I got to sleep in till 4.45am . . . well, her Highness didn’t get in last night till 1am . . . and of course, guess who had to get up and let her in!!

So instead of 3.45am . . .  my white fury, affectionate buddy nuzzling into my face . . . . it was an hour later. . . . that must have been her Christmas gift to me.  I’m thankful for small mercies . . . . .

It’s light. . . Sun not visible yet . . . it’s cool, deliciously cool.  So fresh and new . . . it’s a brand new day.

I’m celebrating being alive . . . having a body. . . that works, well, most of the time.  A mind that can create all sorts of wonderful things.  A Heart that beats . . . synchronized with The Love.  Ears that can hear . . . the magickal chirping of the birds.  Skin that can sense . . . the slightest change in the air . . . Emotions that alert me to where I’ve wandered.

A deep fascination . . . for everything living.

As I sit on my weathered grey, uncovered deck . . . I join with Life . . . our Energies mingle.  She moves into me .  . I go willingly to her . . . like a child, a fascination that never seems to dim.

The grass so green . . . after all the rain gifts.  Air sparkles with enthusiasm . . . and delightful vigour.  Manifest Life moves along so gently . . . following the script that they were given.

What is our Script?  Us human beings. . . . living in a world of multiple choices.

A Genie’s Lamp . . . we think we have . . . . rub, rub, rub . . . look, I’ve fulfilled my desire.  But what is the desire that tugs at our core . . . the longing, the attraction, the need . . .  for more.

It’s Christmas Day. . . . whatever that means.  Life seems beyond such petty labels.  But we humans love to believe . . . in something miraculous . . . Joy and Love . . . Giving and Receiving.

All is the same in my world today . . . . Life is celebrating . . . and I am alive to witness it . . . the greatest Gift . . . .THANK YOU!!

May your every moment be Joyous . . . filled to the brim . . . with the Divine Essence.

Last night here . . . . .

Lotsa Luv. . . .  marilynxxxxxxx