some days are difficult . . .

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in my front garden . . . .

 

I believe in Healing . . . I do . . . it’s not just trying to convince myself . . . I ‘know’ it’s a reality.  But boy . . .  is it a journey!  And no telling how long it’s going to take . . . it takes the time, that’s needed.  I’m learning so much . . . my biggest lessons, and there are many, ‘letting go’, ‘trusting’ . . . having patience . . . and living in the moment.  Well, the last one’s not that difficult even for one with an over-active, over-stimulated brain like mine . . . ’cause I’m also very sensitive to Energy . . . to all the Beauty and Love . . . that surrounds me . . . constantly.

I mentioned on the last blog that I’d undertaken a Healing Intensive mid-way thru (I like to write it this way) last December.  Well, it wasn’t a new concept as I’d already been on one for nearly two years by then.  Somethings just take the time they do . . . and there’s no rushing them.  I also mentioned that I’m now in . . . well actually just past . . . the second month.  I set the time, this three-month thing . . . who knows, it may need longer.  But as far as the three-month thing goes . . . I’m on the home stretch.  Well. . . there are days where I feel I’m deeper into . ..  whatever this is . . . than ever before.

You see . . . I contracted the Polio virus when I was a wee young girl . .  three, to be exact.  Now, it’s not something I ever spoke of . . or gave any attention to.  Yes, my physical Body showed the effects . .  but I became very good at hiding those.  Now, as I’ve said many times before . . . I’m not fond of labels . . . and even less fond of the modern medical system.  I’m not putting them down here . . . I’m not . . . they just don’t work for me . . . and never have.  I can’t ignore that.  So my search for answers always came down to me . . . my discovery, my understanding.  I know more about my Body than anyone else . . . as do we all.

Over the last years I’ve often referred to ‘my Body and me’ . . . it’s been a long journey . . . full of discovery.

The last few years have been particularly interesting.  They have been focused, entirely, on Healing.  Now . . . I ‘use to be’ a very active girl . .  hey, I’m a double Rat (Chinese Astrology) . . . and a Virgo, Capricorn Moon . . . and a very busy Gemini rising.  Not one for sitting on the sidelines waiting for things to happen.

Three years ago . .  my focus, aim and wholesome wish . . . was to create a Sacred Healing Environment . . . I felt it was ‘time’ and it was ‘needed’.  Well, yes it was . . . but by me.  I’ve never done so little . . . ever!!  Hours upon hours I’ve laid horizontal on my sun-bed, on my beautiful verandah.  This incredibly special, Sacred place . . . I called Mahalia . . . was given to me . . . for my Healing . . . and it continues.

It’s just some days are more difficult than others.

Some days I feel I’m improving . . . then there are others where, well, it’s really a struggle.  I’m not so affected anymore (well . . . as much!!!) by watching the grass grow, the garden go wild . . . ’cause there’s nothing I can really do.  Letting go  . . . has been such a big one.  especially for a little fussy Virgo like me.

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my dear friend Snowie

 

Yesterday I went on the bus to Kyogle . . . first time I’ve been on the bus for ages.  I knew I could no longer do the longer trip to Lismore, I just couldn’t.  But I wanted to get some supplies, especially some vegie and flower seeds . . . I wanted to do some planting . .  it’s a supportive Moon cycle.  Catching the bus means you’re in Kyogle for 6 hours . . . later bus arrives around 9am . .  and leaves just before 3pm.  It’s a long day . . . especially when you’re not used to it.

Since the 3 months ‘Intensive’ began I’ve done even less than before . . . no bus trips.  It was a long day and I had to carry groceries, even thou I took my trolley.  By the end of the day I was really struggling.  Last night I lay flat in front of the TV . . . I don’t watch much TV these days, I find it too grosse  . . . I was just too tired to move.  . . or attempt to read.  Yes, I know. . . it would have been more supportive if I’d showered and gone straight to bed.  But I needed to prepare some dinner, eat . . . and allow some time after before sleeping.

This morning. . . I feel terrible.  My whole system is jarred, out of rhythm, harmony and any natural order.  Doesn’t look likely there’ll be any planting on this wonderful Moon day . . . and well, it hasn’t stopped raining for ages!!  It’s at these times I feel disheartened . . . when will it ever get better . . . my faith falters, my ‘knowing’ covered by pain and discomfort.  Why am I writing this and not in bed . . . I will be back in bed soon . . I just felt it might be clearer to me, if I wrote it.  Especially publicly.

Yes . .  I do believe in Healing. . . with all my Heart and Soul.  I know it intuitively, I understand the process.  Surrendering my Body to the process, I was going to say ‘takes courage’ . .  but it doesn’t really . . . it’s not really courageous . . . it’s simply knowing.

As is the case in these strange and nebulous Body issues . . . ‘labels’ are difficult to formulate . . . which I guess is positive, not being a fan of labels.  The Doctors (which I very rarely ever see) label it Post Polio.  I guess this can be helpful, it connects me to the local Community Nursing, which can offer reduced rates for cleaning etc.

Now that’s a major adjustment . . . having someone clean my house . . . I never thought I’d live to see it.  But I am living to a ripe old age . .  by the Grace of the Creator, that is.  Really I’m grateful for whatever I get . . . but I do get the sense there are many years ahead of me yet.  And . .  the only way that can be . . . is if I Heal myself . . . which is exactly what I’ve undertaken.

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I give volumes of thanks to my Ancestors . . . for fine tuning their skills.  So many, have been passed on to me.  For this I am eternally grateful.  Without these ‘gifts’ my self Healing would be that much more difficult.  There are ‘things’ I ‘know’, memories I have . . such beautiful skills I’ve inherited . . . their wisdom I carry . . . I’m forever grateful.  As it’s with these skills. . . that my Healing will be possible.

I am Healing. . . I am Healing . . . I am Healing.  I trust the natural flow . .  I accept the time my Body needs . .  I support her in every moment . . I Love her unconditionally . . . I give her what she needs . . . I whisper wonderful words into her ears . . . I feel her Energy . . . I understand her nature . . . I love her unconditionally.

Healing is happening . . . it’s just some days are more difficult than others.

It’s been a very long . . . Mercury Retrograde . . . more on that later.

lotsa luv . . . and never forget . . just how much you are forever loved

marilynxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

 

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