in my front garden . . . .
I believe in Healing . . . I do . . . it’s not just trying to convince myself . . . I ‘know’ it’s a reality. But boy . . . is it a journey! And no telling how long it’s going to take . . . it takes the time, that’s needed. I’m learning so much . . . my biggest lessons, and there are many, ‘letting go’, ‘trusting’ . . . having patience . . . and living in the moment. Well, the last one’s not that difficult even for one with an over-active, over-stimulated brain like mine . . . ’cause I’m also very sensitive to Energy . . . to all the Beauty and Love . . . that surrounds me . . . constantly.
I mentioned on the last blog that I’d undertaken a Healing Intensive mid-way thru (I like to write it this way) last December. Well, it wasn’t a new concept as I’d already been on one for nearly two years by then. Somethings just take the time they do . . . and there’s no rushing them. I also mentioned that I’m now in . . . well actually just past . . . the second month. I set the time, this three-month thing . . . who knows, it may need longer. But as far as the three-month thing goes . . . I’m on the home stretch. Well. . . there are days where I feel I’m deeper into . .. whatever this is . . . than ever before.
You see . . . I contracted the Polio virus when I was a wee young girl . . three, to be exact. Now, it’s not something I ever spoke of . . or gave any attention to. Yes, my physical Body showed the effects . . but I became very good at hiding those. Now, as I’ve said many times before . . . I’m not fond of labels . . . and even less fond of the modern medical system. I’m not putting them down here . . . I’m not . . . they just don’t work for me . . . and never have. I can’t ignore that. So my search for answers always came down to me . . . my discovery, my understanding. I know more about my Body than anyone else . . . as do we all.
Over the last years I’ve often referred to ‘my Body and me’ . . . it’s been a long journey . . . full of discovery.
The last few years have been particularly interesting. They have been focused, entirely, on Healing. Now . . . I ‘use to be’ a very active girl . . hey, I’m a double Rat (Chinese Astrology) . . . and a Virgo, Capricorn Moon . . . and a very busy Gemini rising. Not one for sitting on the sidelines waiting for things to happen.
Three years ago . . my focus, aim and wholesome wish . . . was to create a Sacred Healing Environment . . . I felt it was ‘time’ and it was ‘needed’. Well, yes it was . . . but by me. I’ve never done so little . . . ever!! Hours upon hours I’ve laid horizontal on my sun-bed, on my beautiful verandah. This incredibly special, Sacred place . . . I called Mahalia . . . was given to me . . . for my Healing . . . and it continues.
It’s just some days are more difficult than others.
Some days I feel I’m improving . . . then there are others where, well, it’s really a struggle. I’m not so affected anymore (well . . . as much!!!) by watching the grass grow, the garden go wild . . . ’cause there’s nothing I can really do. Letting go . . . has been such a big one. especially for a little fussy Virgo like me.
my dear friend Snowie
Yesterday I went on the bus to Kyogle . . . first time I’ve been on the bus for ages. I knew I could no longer do the longer trip to Lismore, I just couldn’t. But I wanted to get some supplies, especially some vegie and flower seeds . . . I wanted to do some planting . . it’s a supportive Moon cycle. Catching the bus means you’re in Kyogle for 6 hours . . . later bus arrives around 9am . . and leaves just before 3pm. It’s a long day . . . especially when you’re not used to it.
Since the 3 months ‘Intensive’ began I’ve done even less than before . . . no bus trips. It was a long day and I had to carry groceries, even thou I took my trolley. By the end of the day I was really struggling. Last night I lay flat in front of the TV . . . I don’t watch much TV these days, I find it too grosse . . . I was just too tired to move. . . or attempt to read. Yes, I know. . . it would have been more supportive if I’d showered and gone straight to bed. But I needed to prepare some dinner, eat . . . and allow some time after before sleeping.
This morning. . . I feel terrible. My whole system is jarred, out of rhythm, harmony and any natural order. Doesn’t look likely there’ll be any planting on this wonderful Moon day . . . and well, it hasn’t stopped raining for ages!! It’s at these times I feel disheartened . . . when will it ever get better . . . my faith falters, my ‘knowing’ covered by pain and discomfort. Why am I writing this and not in bed . . . I will be back in bed soon . . I just felt it might be clearer to me, if I wrote it. Especially publicly.
Yes . . I do believe in Healing. . . with all my Heart and Soul. I know it intuitively, I understand the process. Surrendering my Body to the process, I was going to say ‘takes courage’ . . but it doesn’t really . . . it’s not really courageous . . . it’s simply knowing.
As is the case in these strange and nebulous Body issues . . . ‘labels’ are difficult to formulate . . . which I guess is positive, not being a fan of labels. The Doctors (which I very rarely ever see) label it Post Polio. I guess this can be helpful, it connects me to the local Community Nursing, which can offer reduced rates for cleaning etc.
Now that’s a major adjustment . . . having someone clean my house . . . I never thought I’d live to see it. But I am living to a ripe old age . . by the Grace of the Creator, that is. Really I’m grateful for whatever I get . . . but I do get the sense there are many years ahead of me yet. And . . the only way that can be . . . is if I Heal myself . . . which is exactly what I’ve undertaken.
I give volumes of thanks to my Ancestors . . . for fine tuning their skills. So many, have been passed on to me. For this I am eternally grateful. Without these ‘gifts’ my self Healing would be that much more difficult. There are ‘things’ I ‘know’, memories I have . . such beautiful skills I’ve inherited . . . their wisdom I carry . . . I’m forever grateful. As it’s with these skills. . . that my Healing will be possible.
I am Healing. . . I am Healing . . . I am Healing. I trust the natural flow . . I accept the time my Body needs . . I support her in every moment . . I Love her unconditionally . . . I give her what she needs . . . I whisper wonderful words into her ears . . . I feel her Energy . . . I understand her nature . . . I love her unconditionally.
Healing is happening . . . it’s just some days are more difficult than others.
It’s been a very long . . . Mercury Retrograde . . . more on that later.
lotsa luv . . . and never forget . . just how much you are forever loved