before all my wishes for next year . . . first things first

IMG_9461

down in Faerie Gully

 

My journal entry for today (and my first book published next year . . .)

Well. . . . it’s Christmas morning . . . everything around me is the same . . . the ‘natural’ world operating as usual . . . .it’s not a day of significance in their diary.  There are those days thou . . .you can feel the shift . . . the movement of the natural world . . . when something significant occurs.  But man-made (‘scuse politically incorrect) dates just simply go by unnoticed . . .now the day of the Solstice . . . that was different.  I could feel the energy, it was pulsing . . . our great Fire ball in the sky. . . stopped for a moment . . . to change his focus.  Well in the ‘real’ world it’s the Earth that shifts . . . not the Sun . .  but whoever, which one . . . we get to feel it.

I’m incredibly tired today . . . did too much yesterday . .  and didn’t do enough of the things I’d promised.  Big times for me . . . like never before.  I’ve never had this degree of incapacitation before.  Obviously brought about by the fall . .  and then earlier the sprained ankle. . .’they’ say, these things happen.  And not much therapy to counteract the challenges.

Kooka’s think that’s funny . . . or they’re just confirming my awareness.

You see I have this habit. . . of wanting to do things.  It’s how I’ve always been. . . for as long as I remember.  I have a love of Life. . .  a love of creating . . . a love of immersing myself. . .  in the magick.

Went down to the Gully yesterday morning. . . to have a swim in the dam . . .but I see clearly now, that I was already aware of my fatigue.  ‘Cause I hesitated for a moment before going over to the dam, my body just wanting to sit under the tree.  I knew . . . but I overrode my more subtle impressions.  It seems I have to live there now . . . in those subtle impressions.  There will be gifts there of course . . . a new way of living.

Finer and finer and finer . . . it becomes . . . death to the old ways . . . birthing of the new.  Now I reckon we’re all going thru that right now . . . all in different ways . . .unique to us.  It’s like the old way doesn’t work anymore . . . it’s done and dusted.  But only each one of us . . . knows what new way we need to follow.

So into the dam . . . I know I was pushing . . .big, big, big mistake . . . no pushing allowed now.  But I did get to lie down under the Faerie Trees after my swim (8 laps . . . and it’s a big dam . . . am I silly or what!!!) . . protected by the numerous ants in the grass . . . by my beautiful mauve, rayon sarong.  I look up to the sky. . . thru the branches and leaves . . . it’s difficult to describe how magickal it is there, how it feels.  I am incredibly fortunate. . .to be able to experience what I do . . . during these critical times.

‘Cause it seems lots are in crisis . . . including my body. . . the vision of ‘wellness’ so important to hold steady.

‘Leave no room for doubt in your mind’. . .  my dearest, dearest friend reminds me often.  I have been a Doubting Thomas. . .  in fact I gave myself that name.  Amazing things would happen to me . . . and I would start off by saying . . ‘I don’t know whether its my mind or not’.  I’ve travelled many miles since then . . . thank god.  But there’s still areas when this insidious Doubt raises its most unattractive face . . . sometimes I get hoodwinked . . . then I have to untangle myself . . . to get out of its web . . . so sticky it’s tentacles.

Anyway. . . vegie garden in need of attention . . .  didn’t do much . . . but a lot more walking than obviously allocated.  So on my back last night, just into bed . . . my body not happy . . .I’m sorry, I say . . .I’ll take better care of you tomorrow. . . I promise.

You see . . . what I’ve intended . . . I’ve never done before . . .  never, ever . . . in my entire life. . . ‘3 month intensive of resting, healing, nutrition and regenerating’.  Allowing nothing in my life that doesn’t uplift me.  I’ve never been ruthless before . . .but we’re talking about my life now . . . the rules have changed. These times come when we have very few choices.

I decided after a few weeks of quite concerning body symptoms . . . that I was going to heal myself of Post Polio.  Well   . . . as I’ve mentioned before. . . I’m not big on labels . . . and certainly not modern medicine’s analysis of the body.  But they were words that held some relevance . . . but then I added . . .’releasing the blockages . . . created by the energy . . . that birthed the environment . . . in which the ‘virus’ was attracted.

I’m an Energy focused girl . . . it’s always been my ‘thing’. . . much more interested in what lies behind the physical form.  I’ve been this way for as long as I remember . . . I started looking when I was only young . . . looking at symbols . . . and the meanings of certain behaviours.

So I’m Healing myself . . . I think it was the 14th of December I birthed my intention . . . it’s now the 25th . . .I’ve both moved forward and backward.  But I see ‘backward’ movement is just tied to old habits . . . repetitive thoughts . . . ways of doing.  I did say I was a doer . . . well Virgo and Capricorn . . . and both my parents rarely stopped . . . work, work, work . . . keep ourselves distracted from this precious moment called ‘Now’ . . . .god . . . who knows what might manifest!

I believe  . . .  well, I experience . . .that emotions are at the root of most diseases.  Emotions are powerful energy charges . . . they reverberate thru our bodies . . . possibly causing all kinds of carnage.  They’re messengers . . . created in this incredibly sophisticated, simple, intelligent Body . . . they translate our responses to the environment around us . . . . creating our very cellular structure.

They can become distorted . . . when certain emotions carry that extra charge . . . memories in the body . . . from times before.  But overall they’re not too far off the mark . . . they tell us how we’re feeling about what’s going on.  So we get to move our body away from harm.

So not much movement today for me . . . . I’m Healing . . . I’m Healing . . . I’m Healing myself.

marilynxxxxxxx

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