dust . . Mars . . . pissed

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another sensational sunset at Mahalia

“Pay attention right now to what is calling for your attention.  As our intentions come from a higher place, all that is not in alignment will feel louder, heavier and harder to bear . .  until confronted.  You can be sure that whatever is feeling loud and heavy to you now . . . is the dust you need to see. . . the dust is in direct response to the intentions you have put out.”  Dana Mrkich

OK. . . so I’ve been feeling anger again  . . . resentment and anger . . . and there’s often a convenient target!

Anger . . . well, first there’s the stored/unexpressed stuff from years before. . . . the times when you were cut-off, cut short . . . and had no say.  And then there’s the current ‘things’ that somehow conveniently spark it off!

Well the early stuff . . . like getting Polio…  I remember a session I had with my Healer/Therapist at the time . . . my Reiki teacher.  We ‘went back’ as I’m sometimes apt to do in those situations, Regression, I think it’s called . . . revisiting old places and situations.  She was trying to connect with me, speak to me . . . I was about 3yrs old, but I was totally pissed off and I didn’t want to know her . . . I wasn’t engaging.  Now this woman was no light weight when it came to these things . . . but no way was I going to let her near me.  I remember she felt quite surprised by the interaction.  Obviously my Mars in Scorpio was in full expression.

Yes, I was totally pissed off getting Polio . . . gone was my fun and games . . . exchanged for the dreaded life surrounded by ghastly hospital walls . . dreadfully harsh sounds, disconnected people, busy, busy, busy . . . emotional starvation. . . . and fear and overwhelm,  there was plenty of that.  And it wasn’t the kids . . . the confusion reigned supreme in the folk who were attending us.  Overwhelm, fear and frustration . . . what a download to begin life with.  But I’m sure there’s a purpose . . . .

They were overwhelmed and fearful ’cause they didn’t really know how to handle the situation . . .  this epidemic . . . that was clear to me . ..  the energy spoke volumes . . . we had to live in it.  Why such early schooling. . . I guess there’s always a reason.

So first I lose my fun and games . . . and then have to contend with this inhospitable place.  Being experimented on . . . isn’t that what they do?  They don’t really know . . . so they keep trying all these things . . . with little regard as to how they may feel.

Yes I felt pissed . . . really pissed.  I was only trying to help. . . and look what happened!  Now self-judgement . . . a world of new learning.

All alone inside myself . . . observing, seeing, feeling helpless.  They know so little, experiments we’ve become. . . I’m little, my voice doesn’t carry any command.  It frustrates me . . . I feel angry.

So yes, up it comes in the present . . .  it’s my anger rising . . . causing all kind of mayhem in my liver.  Yes it’s ignited. .  but  I have no power over anyone else . . . I only have power over myself.  Well . . . there is other stuff/power, but we’ll leave it at that . . . . .

But something has changed since I was 3yrs old marilyn . . . I’m now a grown, mature (???) woman . .  and I do have a voice that can be heard.

My honouring needs to begin with myself . . . my kindness and care . . . my wisdom and knowing.  It’s not what we’re taught, this self-love and respect . . . but something we learn as we walk along the path.  Without ourself . . . nothing, no-one exists.

We’ve come a long way. . . in our understanding of things . . .  these last few years . . . but these need to be experienced as real. . . not just quotes with a nice picture . . . on your FB page.

Let go of the fear . . .it has no place . . . people either accept you as you are . . . or they don’t . . . we don’t win anything  . . . with deceit.

‘Melting the wall of fear’. . . suggested to me from a friend . . . well, fear is only part of it . . . the other . . . a mighty pissed-off-ness.

Angry at them. . . ‘why are they as they are’ . . .why can’t things be different . .  kinder, warmer. . . more love around.  My dear Mum had a Leo Moon, so deliciously warm and gorgeously generous.  She understood me well, I was her first child . . . we shared many traits . . . we came from the same line.  Yes, home wasn’t ideal . .  there were problems there . . . all hidden behind closed doors . . . but people did see.

I went from her warmth and knowing . . . her protection, her love and caring . . . into a very strange world . .  of fear and tension, emotional starvation, coldness, harsh sounds . . . scary experiments…  Yes, I was pissed.

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Little gorgeous marilyn . . . amongst the many gifts she had . . . she had her Mars in Scorpio.  They don’t come much stronger than this . . . Mars, that is.  Both Gandhi and Martin Luther King, both had their Mars in Scorpio . . . among other notable luminaries.

Mars in Scorpio fights to the death . . . a strength of will, not many would dare to approach.  A depth of feeling that feeds powerful desires . . . a dedication to the cause . . . that would keep many breathless.  It’s a powerful Mars, its roots are deep . . . it’s not interested in trivialities, it wants the truth.  It’s power of focus is intense indeed . . . once ignited. . . it sets off energy . . . directly to the target.  It’s very desires begin to create changes in the ethers.  It’s a powerful Mars . . . it works from the deepest primal energy.

The thing with Mars . . . ’cause it’s energy is action and movement. . . whether physical, mental, emotional or metaphysical. . . is when movement is thwarted, stopped in stream. . . it begins to build . . . until it needs some release . . . built up energy releases with a bang!  Yes, Mars is energy . . .raw, undiluted . .  the traditional ruler of Scorpio, the modern ruler of Aries.

We’re all created so beautifully unique . . . and only I . . . like you and you and you . . .can be who I am.

Energy needs to flow . . . . .

lotsa luv

marilynxxx

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