Cosmic Updates/Blog

Day two of stopping… it takes some getting use to. So used we are of moving… from one spot to another. Gathering, building… arriving somewhere. Yet when we stop we’re still moving … sometimes over greater distances. We just can’t see it.

‘Integration’ the word we use in my coaching world… whatever gets stirred, uncovered, revealed, newly discovered… opened new spaces need time to be assimilated into the status quo.

Body moves slower than mind.

I know that from my years of Energy Medicine… Body moves at a slower pace, its vibration’s more dense. It’s heavier… it’s solid, it’s matter. Mind can travel at the speed of light… here there and everywhere in the blink of an eye. Well almost.

I’ve moved on. I get glimpses of it from time to time. New avenues, new spaces. They need time to get themselves all here.

Daily it seems…. what use to have significance, seems so old. Out of date…. Sooo yesterday.

Even my learning. I’ve taken in words, ideas and concepts of others, I’ve been taken into a world of their seeing. Captured some of their wisdom. And lots of their beliefs.

In a student state… you’re open. A relatively empty container to be filled. So you drink it all up.

Some things illuminate… others get stuck, they grate… their resonance out of kilter. They don’t flow in your stream. You stay open… you notice. You make note.

Days, weeks, years… you’ve taken in so much stuff… Becoming an ‘Expert’.

How important is that free space after it all?

That interlude of time where there’s only you. You and yours. Where you can sort the wheat from the shaft… very Virgo (my Sun).

All the learning needs to sit around you, not take you over… be an adjunct to who you already are… everything you’ve crafted on your life journey.

The new learning is not meant to wipe you out… create a carbon copy. There are way too many of those.

Boring, boring… all the Carbon Copies. Like a stuck record. Gets old quick. Sticking to the ‘tried and true’. Well if nothing else these last 18mths have shown us super clearly… that ‘TRUTH’ is an illusive concept.

Is there any such thing?

Maybe it’s buried so deep… we don’t see it.

Hidden within our flesh, blood and bones.

Comforted and coddled in our Sacred Spaces.

Illuminated by Breath itself.

Our saviour… our redemption.

I’m sitting by Simpson’s Creek… it’s gloriously warm in the Sun. It’s mid-winter here. Only 3 days to the Winter Solstice. My favourite💋💋

The naughty Turkeys race around the muddy mangroves…. tides moving out. Squabbling, having words.

Raven friends add their raspy gravelly words… add their two bobs worth*.

The mangroves are a constant source of companionship, activity and presence. Oh yes… and Magick.

I’ve done some washing, carried an overflowing recycle container to the bin (weeks worth😯)… clean sheets, airing all the added winter blankets. Sweeping and mopping. Cleaning’s good.

Creating space to find myself again.

The process and the choice… and the resulting form, is always mine to conjure.

Tides moving back to kiss the ocean. What an incredible process to witness each and every day.

Claim it all… it’s waiting for you … marilyn💋❤️💋

• ‘Adding their two bobs worth’ ~ an Aussie colloquialism meaning ‘ adding their opinion… for whatever it’s worth’

I’m just about functioning ~ promised myself a month off. Today’s the first day. I’m in a strange and new place. The exhaustion’s familiar… the come to a stop. But the place I’m in within and between… is new.

It’s kinda low… ’cause exhaustion is weighty, it pulls you down. Gravity force is strong.

At the same time… there’s this elevation, clear skies and more light. It’s clear up here.

Don’t think I’ve been here before.

Every day is new, every moment.. Life’s extraordinary like that. Her expansive creativity never needs to repeat. Every moment original. Just imagine the scope!!

The moment may be brand new, but the files and tapes we carry, broadcasting constantly… are old. Really old.

So we’re kinda here… but not. Living some time else.

This new space ~ feels elevated. Heavy and Light both at the same time.

It’s new.

It feels free… unchained.

I’ve arrived somewhere new.

Been travelling. Covering ground. Though you never really know where you’ll arrive at.

Life is fun and creative like that.

I sent off the last Major (yesterday)… last dragging bit of the Coaching training.

This was a BIG crossing… I could feel it.

The old Terror was activated.

I didn’t know if I could do it. This last bit seemed insurmountable.

It was full of so much… the ‘old stuff’. The old terror was being stirred.

Almost walked away. I’d completed and graduated from all the rest of the training… I didn’t need to do this.

Then old Warrior Marilyn surfaced (brings back many memories)… she’s been around for a long time. Since way back when. I remember. Some amazing scrapes she’s got me out of.

I forget her… caught up in the heavy weights. The wounds and bruises. The Loss… man can they weigh heavy. Then out of the blue she arrives… her will is forged in steel. She’s not letting go. You can’t budge her.

I’m so glad I have her. Man… have I needed her. I desire to remember her more.

With that will of steel… unfortunately, temperance can slip. Super focused on what needs to be done. Poor body gets dragged along.

It was more than the body this time… more than pushing her too hard. It was the territories I crossed… the lands I navigated. The invisible barriers I had to cross. Uncovering stuff buried super deep. Never meant to be uncovered. Hard territory.

‘I did it’… I wrote, accompanying my graduation material. I did it… but way more than was included in those words, pages and audio.

I’m in a new place.

My body, mind, emotional bodies are tired… very tired. I’m giving myself a month. I hope I can honour that. Not get tempted back into the fray.

Next is the moving… the offer on my cabin. Not even sure where to start with that.

Who do I need to help me with that?

We’re heading toward my favourite Ritualistic Celebration of the year… the Winter Solstice.

Have a happy life… seek love and peace and luscious nurturing.

marilyn💋🌷💋

Each step is a success. Each moment we caress our breath… we have achieved the ultimate gift. We’re alive.

Yeah… easy to become distracted from that miracle happening each and every moment. I know about distractions… me and them intimately entwined.

Moving away… creating some distance. Allowing, letting go… having patience with Telstra. Oops… did I say that? Frustrations reaching epic proportions… seeming like mountains… Everest couldn’t compare. Confusion, chaos… how can things possible be so bad? At least completely dysfunctional?

I’m pretty ‘bright’… yet I’ve never been able to work it out.

I get caught in the net… each and every time. I start holding tight to my breath… doesn’t take long before the ends are ragged… and that holding seems lost forever.

How can anything be so chaotic? Yeah… welcome to the world we live in.

Progress… well we left that behind some time ago. A world of make-believe… whimsical forms enticing… calling your name. The most perfect form has you salivating… those machines are good at pretend.

Get up close… the bubble bursts. You can hear their evil laugh echoing as you crawl away. Shoulders limping, heart in tears, body shaking with the anger… been tricked again. Why do you believe?

Why do you think they will meet you half way? Haven’t you learned? ‘It’s not that’ you whimper… ‘I believe if Faerie tales’… you know the true kind. The ones you’ve carried in your heart since… well, forever.

The blue skies… the warm and nurturing Sun. The garden thriving… each and every one of them. No one is missed, none are left behind. The great arms of the Mother holds all to her massive breasts. She knows how to nurture… she’s not a carbon cut out. A mechanical production… good, yeah. Then you walk up close… and poof it all disappears.

How do we get tricked? Aren’t we smart? What happened… how did it get to this. Make believe on every corner, shining from billboards, calling your name. Their approach keeps getting refined… purer purer (well in their minds), nearer, nearer… they follow you around. Every single moment haunted, reminded… to whom you really belong.

Metal chords… silicone breasts… we’ll never get any nutrients from them. Pretend pretend… it’s perfected each and every second.

As we meander, sleep walking… over the cliff.

No… they’re not coming to collect our crushed and bloody body. Haven’t you clicked… they’re not here for you. They just want what they can steal.

I glance beyond the long glass doors… the magick colour of the river, an indescribable colour. So pure, so clear, so clean, so perfect… gently flows filling the creek. Renewing the mangroves… bringing life, feeding them all. A paddler glides through the perfection. A perfection unimaginable. What magick… real, true magick is here, happening all the time. Beneath, below, beside all the make belief.

We have a choice… even when we think we don’t. What do we choose?

The sand is moving quickly through the glass. Our time is limited here. What will we create? How do we choose to live our life? These questions are important now. Really really important. We’re at a crossing… and our way forward has never been so important.

Immerse ourselves in make-believe… or dare to face what’s true?

I can tell you for sure… MAGICK IS REAL… and it’s happening RIGHT NOW. Connect and know it to be true.

Marilyn💋❤️‍🔥💋

This creatively inspired vision of my ‘New Home’ … was done by my friend Ellen Clarke

I’m starting a new chapter here… finally got some instructions and help with navigating the new system… I often don’t understand why things are changed that are working perfectly fine🤔. I find these new changes awkward, with less flow. Basically I don’t like them. I’m trying to get used to them. See how it goes.

In fact it’s a pain in the butt… I’ll need to get more help🖐.

But the drop in here was to say the site is being rebirthed. There’s at least space to keep blogging. I’ve wanted to get back for ages. Its different writing on FB. It feels like I’m more in my home space here, not out there in the huge marketplace. So looking forward to reaching out with more blogs… and bit by bit a new chapter for magickloveandhealing❤️

I’m a Virgo👱‍♀️… so healing’s my thing. I have the dual natured Gemini Ascending my chart… providing me with my chart ‘Ruler’ Hermes. Magickal Hermes. Mercury the swift moving messenger. Gemini’s like to write, communicate, connect, learn… and think👩‍⚕️(excessively at times).

My Moon’s in Capricorn… so my moods can get serious. I’ve learned to love melancholy retropectives. I’m quietly ambitious… but really more adventurist.

I’m said to have Gypsy blood. Maybe that’s why I get the urge to move every few years… new lands call . One short life to do it all. And that sand keeps pouring on through the glass.

Reaching the seventies (‘sacred seventies’ I call them) has been a whole new adventure. I’m adjusting to the new space. Having Gemini be such a strong and present, constant influence in my life. Peter Pan, who never grows old, the eternal youth. Gemini lives in youthful… ’cause s/he’s constantly curious and wanting to learn new things. S/he wants to be engaged, connected. Gemini’s house on the zodiac wheel is the 3rd. The 3rd house represents communication, writing, learning, siblings… local community. Gemini has a natural feel for community.

I’ve started writing (words/1st book) every morning… doing yoga… my mind’s feeling clearer, consistent. Considering I’m a moving space. I might write more about that later. Moving home is big for everyone, it’s said. For me it carries some tender deep roots. My early childhood sudden separation from my home and family… for a whole year. It’s only these last few years, doing the training, living in my cabin in the mangroves… ocean just over the trees that those deeper wounds felt safe enough to rise. Been a hell of a few years.

So moving. Moving from my home, is extra tender for me. And all that it entails. What I’ve become aware of this last little while is I’m moving through my pulling away stage. I have to let go to move on. I have to say goodbye… there’s so much uncertainty.

And the sadness… saying good bye to the magroves, the whales, those morning sunrises on the beach. The luscious water… my dear friend Neptune. He’s another major influence in my life. Letting go is tender. Even when you choose to go… the letting go process needs to happen.

And if you’ve fallen in love with them… grown close to them. In intimate connection with them. They’ve filled you. They’ve loved you. They’re always been there for you. To move away you have to let go. I’m in that stage I think. I’ve been needing to go slow… and be tender with myself.

This was going to be short hello… no such thing for Gemini😃Let’s see how this new chapter unfolds, and how it’ll be reflected in my home space online here at… magickloveandhealing❤️

It’s been super wet here (northern nsw)… you’ve probably heard about it. It’s current news here in Oz. No flooding near me, I’m cosy, safe and warm. We might see Sun again end of week. Been a Big Wet time.

Much love to you… 💚👱‍♀️💚

Wednesday ~ Day of Mercury, July 22nd 2020

Unravelling the presence of our galactic resonance.   Mercury’s travelling through (sign) Cancer and is presently meeting up with (asteroid) Diana in a rather discordant and activating manner.

In astrology we call it a ‘square’.  Relationships between planets are measured in mathematical degrees… and using our knowledge of geometry … certain degrees create different shapes… which results in a unique resonance and presence.   Creating a different relationship with everything around it.

To astrology fans… we could just say Mercury is squaring Diana.

Coincidentally… of which my Father constantly chanted ‘there’s no such thing…’, I’ve been thinking quite a bit about Diana.  And was excited to add to her generous list of titles… the Goddess of Solitude and Silence.

For your interest (or not)… a square aspect (imagine a square shape) creates tension.  It comes to you at a 90 degree angle… a sharp approach out of the blue, you could say.  Kinda like side swipes you!

So in astrology we say a square aspect challenges you; to move, to act… to take notice.  It wants you to pay attention.

So what does it mean when Mercury (planet) squares Diana (asteroid)… when the mind (mercury) comes up against silence (Diana)?  I’ll leave that for you to ponder.

Silence.  Well in my experience (which is always evolving) silence is never silent.  I luv silence, I luv solitude.  In fact I pursue it often and regularly.  There’s a quality of timelessness.  Of eternity, of ‘God’, of everything.  There’s a presence in it that draws you in.  It feels holy and eternal.

But it’s never silent.  There’s always a sound.  Some may call it a vibration or a resonance.  But there’s always something I can hear.  But it doesn’t come just to my ears… it bounces off my entire body.  My whole body ‘hears’ it.  My whole body receives it… and it responds.

I’ve been doing a practice for the last few days… during the ‘Power Quest’ challenge I’ve undertaken.  Just for a short time in the morning and evening I’ve been focusing directly on my ears.  Hearing the sounds that are coming to them.  Then I extend that listening awareness down through my whole body.  My whole body is listening.

WoW… our body is the most extraordinary receptor.  It receives and receives and receives.  Focusing in on this highly receptive field around my body… I notice, not just the sounds that are bouncing against it.  But the response to those sounds from inside my body.

It’s taking my highly receptive antenna to another level of awareness.

It’s exciting.

Happy Day of Mercury and Diana… and the world of Silence.

Much love… marilyn💙🌙💙

(ps… and look at the date today, all those twos.  The day a four (2+2) and also the year 2020.  Emphasising the square shape once again.  Some would describe this as a synchronistic event… in the world of symbolic language, many things saying the same thing at once.

Like the Universe trying to get a message across.

For an extra tidbit… in Numerology (the symbolic language of numbers)… 22 is called a ‘Master’ number.  It’s elevating the four, the ‘square’, the ‘challenge’ … to an even higher vibration.  It’s offering an opportunity to understand its Mastery.

Symbols have fascinated me since early childhood… where I used to spend my ‘fun’ time doing algebra and geometry (I luved them)… that was until I discovered Numerology and Astrology.

My poor mathematics teacher lamented my lack of ambition, at least in fulfilling my mathematical ‘ability’ (ie becoming a Professor of Mathematics)… but the world of symbols had a much stronger calling.

And so did the world of ‘magick’.

I’m still learning.)

 

Tuesday – New Moon in Cancer, July 21st 2020.  Day of Mars.

New Moon in Cancer… here in Oz at 3.33am.  She’s out of the womb, not long.  That deep, rich, sacred silent place of creation.  A place that’s become foreign… removed, distant, unknown.  A place that’s been forgotten in our active busy world.

The silent depths, the sacred holding space of new life.  The great mystery of the Feminine.

We’ve forgotten our connection with the cycles.  The cycle of life, nature and our own body.  We’ve gotten lost in the ‘outside’.  So much movement… we mistake it for progress.

I recently added my middle name ~ Diane~ to my home page on FB.  I like simple and succinct… so often would prefer to be known by my first name… not even my surname.

I started getting curious about middle names.  Why do we have them ( some of us do)… what use are they?  Hidden away, rarely used.  Except some legal doc requesting them.  Mostly they’re invisible, no one talks about them.  No one thinks about them.  What are they doing there?

And you know what happens to things left in the Shadow World😊😊

I became curious…  a habit of mine I’ve recently discovered has a much deeper significance… and connection to our physical world.  Philip Sedwick (Astrologer) has done some great work on ‘The Great Attractor’.  A space in our galactic environment  behind the Milky Way.

‘There’s a strange place in the sky where everything is attracted.  And unfortunately its on the other side of the Milky Way, so we can’t see it.’

‘It recedes from us at a fantastical high velocity…  While the complex point actively recedes, it summons an energy of ‘come hither’.  Once engaged ~ this pull exceeds anything known.’

‘It knows something you need to know’.

“While the path into the Great Attractor might tear me apart with unimaginable tidal forces, flood me inside and out with radiation of unknown proportions, or whatever, I simply must seek out this knowledge’.

Sound familiar?  For those of a curious nature among us?  Sure makes sense to me.  Well of course – everything is connected.  What’s above is below… what’s inside is out.  It’s one big cosmic soup.

Having Gemini on the ‘Ascendant’… the sign rising on the eastern horizon at the time of my birth… I’ve been gifted with an extreme capacity for curiosity.  Curiosity has dangled a carrot for me… I reckon since I began to think and feel.  I’ve been on a quest since not long after week one I reckon.  More pointedly since I was three.

So I got curious.  In mythology Goddess Diana was a Roman Goddess.  She was daughter to Zeus… God of the Heavens.  Diana asked her father to grant her some wishes.  She wished to remain a Virgin Goddess, independent of any man.  She requested to be a Light Bringer – or New Moon.  To own a silver bow and arrow and wear a short tunic for the hunt.

She asked for women, girls and hounds to be her companions.  She wanted the Wilderness as her holy place… not a temple made by men.  Finally she asked to be a midwife and protector of Women, Children and Animals.

Zeus agreed to her wishes.

Goddess Diana is known as Goddess of the Moon, Goddess of the Wild Forests and Animals, Goddess of the Hunt, and Goddess of Silence and Solitude.  She’s the Protector of Women and Children… and she governs all cycles of a Woman’s Life.

I find the synchronicity, purpose and cosmic hand in our direction and creation… a Masterful Mystery of Exotic Proportions.

Nothing we, as humans, can do will ever supersede it… her, him… whatever name you give to that great Creative Intelligence.  That directs everything.

Simply blows my mind… from time to time.

So I’ve welcomed Diana into my Life… she now stands acknowledged and given a place in my physical existence.

Strangely… I remember asking my parents ‘who chose Diana as my middle name?’ That was many years ago… in my early teens.  Both my Mother and Father said they did not choose it.  Which was super mysterious.  ‘Cause if you knew my Mum and Dad… they never forgot anything.  Coming from a family with ‘Super Perceptive Abilities’…

It was mysterious then as it is now… who chose that name for me?  I’ll never know. Was it one of my Grandmothers?  I never got to know them unfortunately… they disappeared quite early in my life.  So I’ll never know.

Diana is here now… welcomed into the fold.  Acknowledged as part of me.  Of course I’ve acted her out… it’s obvious to myself and many that she plays a major role in the makings of me.  We just didn’t know it was her.

Goddess of Solitude and Silence.  Makes me smile.  And here I’ve been apologising for that part of me all my life.  When it was just the way I was destined to be.  Sigh.

‘While there’s breath there’s hope’… that’s one of my quotes.

The years move on… but while there’s breath we still get to explore this extraordinarily Magickal Mystery of our existence.  Adventure has always called me.  I remember from a tiny one… I heard its call.  I could never resist it.

It’s a potent New Moon.  It’s been a potent mid-year crossing.  We’re near the end of many cycles… but the cycle of the Moon’s nodes in Cancer and Capricorn and the significant influence that’s brought us over the last 18 years, the last few in particular … is now closing with this powerful New Moon.

A time of great reflection I’d say… before we head off into the new.

It’s not time to rush ahead just yet.  The New Moon’s only just born.  Feel into it, feel it move through your body.  Feel it activate your emotions.  Feel it impregnate your energy fields.

Cancer is the Mother.  The Caring, the Love, the Nurturing… the Protection. Diana seeks the silence.  The deep richness of the Silence from which we’ve all  come and will return.

Sacred New Moon Blessings ❤️🌙❤️

Art by Francis Baxter

Saturday 28/3/2020

Having the courage to feel it all.  God it’s tender.  It’s as if I’ll die if I let it in.  It carves so deeply into my flesh.  

I fought and won.  Can I win again?  Leave no room for doubt my beautiful marilyn.  Yes, I know… you most often don’t see the beauty.  You carry such heaviness.  It’s not all yours you know.  You’ve been told that before.  I know.  But yeah it’s impossible to distinguish between it all.  Your given nature ~ your blessing and your ‘curse’.

How to feel it all?  Give it space to unfold.  I’m scared of it.  It tried to take me once.  But I fought it and won.  And I was very small.  I’m bigger now… yet weaker in some ways.  At least in my physical body.  I need to call on the strength I have.  Or maybe it’s the mercy.  Allowing those tears that’ve been stored… for how long?  Maybe generations.

Did I ever see my mother cry?  No I didn’t… that I remember.  Stoic, dealing with whatever’s served.  Admirable maybe… wise? No.

The isolation is crowding me in.  It carries imprints from times before.  Places I don’t want to go.  But what’s inside is there… I cannot make it go away.  I need to welcome it into the light.  I’m not sure I’m brave enough.

The terror’s being stirred.

Yeah makes no sense to my logical mind.  There’s always been a war between the two.

Nature will be my saviour… as it has been my home.  Alone in the forest… the wolves my companions. The trees and plants and magick places… always held me.  I’m used to that.  The human stuff is harder.  It’s not my realm of expertise.  The hermit on the hill.  Who flits outside from time to time.

But scurries back to safety.

How do I navigate this space.  The echo’s of the fear, the terror.  The vibration of death around me.  Inside and out… is way too concentrated.  What do I need… to keep myself afloat?

How do I charter this stormy ocean?

What do I need… how do I call it in?  

Maybe for now… a bike ride down to the nature reserve… and do a FB live to my sisterhood.

Lotsa Love to me 💜🌺💜

 

My beautiful Healing Centre ~ Magick Moments ❤️❤️

I’m completing my Solar Journey around the great cosmic wheel.  Have stopped in and chatted with everyone along the way.  I’ve stayed in different houses… met new people.  The neighbourhood changes every time you pass through.  Nothing stays the same… everything’s always moving.

Can get pretty dizzying for a double Earth girl🙃🥴🙃… who likes solid earth under her feet.  Is that why it feels like it does?  Surrounded by (and possible floating on) tons of water.  There are trees though… beautiful trees, where the birds luv to congregate.  Thank the Goddess.  I wouldn’t’ve survived without them.

Lots of lovely old trees.  Gosh… they’re so important for us.  In so many ways.

Like all in the natural world.  Nothing’s created that doesn’t serve a primary purpose. Probably the yucky stuff as well.  To open our eyes maybe??  Shake us from our sleep walk?  We sure can get super lazy… left to our own devices.  Left on our own in isolation.

The Solar Journey relates to the cycle of the Sun around the zodiac… from one birthday to the next.  Sun returns every year to the same degree it was on the day you were born… your Birthday.  In Astro it’s known as your Solar Return.  (Which can fall on or either side of your actual birth date).

From last birthday to this one you’ve taken a journey around the great wheel. You’ve visited many places and had a multitude of experiences.  One complete chapter of your Life.  A chapter specifically related to you and your Solar Journey.

“The Sun reflects the urge within every human being to express himself and grow into what he potentially is.” Liz Green

‘The Sun, natural ruler of Leo, is a potent indicator of the individual’s authentic essence.” Kim Falconer

“Understanding our Solar needs can go a long way toward developing natural abilities.” Kim Falconer

My birthday’s in September.  So currently travelling through the final chapter of my current Solar phase.  A bit like the 12th house in the astrological chart… representing our unconscious mind, as well as the collective unconscious.  Our dark and secret hiding places as well as our connection to the great web of life.  It’s the end chapter of the journey… preparing for rebirth; and a whole new beginning.

Like any end of phase, completion of a journey… it’s a time for rest and integration. A quiet time of reflection.  Acknowledgement of the journey… and where it’s brought you.  Gratitude and thanks for all that’s been given.  Appreciation for yourself. You’ve completed another major step in your evolution.  And probably time for more sleep 😴😴😴

Life is amazing ⭐️⭐️⭐️

 

ĺ

My little friend… in her hidey-hole 💚💚

Continues… the aftermath of the very long day.

It can take a lifetime.  To wash away the mud… the dusty mouldy coat that covered us.  From so long back.  Hidden shame, disgust… how dare you bare your innocence?

Torture, dungeons, prisons… rapes.  Annihilation.  Burning at the stake.  Loved ones taken… all alone.  Hiding from the enemy.  Frightened, scared.

The saviour is coming.  Was inside me all along.

Yeah ~ the road is long.  It’s not a short and nifty journey.  Take a big breath in… step by step inside, not out.

Waiting for the bus… a Leprechaun with ginger wine chatted in stolen voice.  The spirits can do that to you.  Oh yes at first the oblivion ~ feels so good.  I know it.  But the destination is screened.  They don’t tell you where you’re going.

I have an open heart.  I don’t judge indiscriminately.  I’ve lived enough of life… of pain and suffering, to recognise it in another.  I don’t judge the bottle people or those who sleep on benches… there but the grace is me of course.  I often feel compassion.  They’re just a human being like me.

From an early age I would stop and chat to them all… a seer told me some time ago ‘you pick up on others pain’.  Thought to myself… ‘what a bloody stupid thing to do’. Thinking ~ couldn’t I pick up on something else??

My dear mother frustrated at my frequent stops… exclaimed in a gentle voice ‘Do you have to speak to everyone Marilyn??’  ‘Yes’ I replied.  I think she secretly understood.

So what chance do I have?  It came with me in the birth canal.

Back to the bus shelter ~ I was tired and wet.  And looking back, in shock.  The surrounds felt like a circus, in one of those spooky futuristic films.  Eery and strange… behind the show of fun and freedom.

A valley of lost souls… with neon signs and rainbows.  Travellers from all over.  A Mecca for the searching.  For what?  What are we looking for?  We wander far to find it.

Bus finally came.  I’d been in that shelter but out of body.  My senses overloaded. The unheard sounds… screaming for saviour.  So many masks… so much held under.

I’m open.  My gift, as a servant ~ but not as a master.

I need shelter in the store. My auric field is much too gentle.  Made of the finest, exquisite chords… the highest evolved receptors.  I pick up on everything.  How to live that way?  That’s why I need the trees and green and silence.

I hopped on the bus.  When I sat the exhaustion hit me.  It was a long trip home… via Mullumbimby.  In Bruns the streets were bare but for a solitary walker.  With effort I walked… clod, clod, clod, my foot.  The hardest walk I’ve endured for some time. Takes me back to times I experienced that same stressful limitation.  Goes back a long way, I was only 17yrs young.

Made it home.  In almost total overwhelm.  Exhaustion racked my being.  Still with my wet coat on, I started making dinner 🙄🙄  Jumped into the shower… hot water ahhhhh.  Let it caress my body.  Washing away all the energy … geez, how much did I take on??  There must’ve been so much on me (I really need a solution for that! Yeah… I’ve tried many things).

Into my cosy PJ’s, ate dinner on my bed… cleaned my teeth then slept. Hugging my teddy.  Heaps of dreams filled that night ~ ‘Merchandise ~ Selling ~ Buying’.

The end… of my day trip to Byron. (I’m sure it’s beautiful in parts…😘)

🌸🌸🌸

Portrait sketch by Frances Baxter… francesbaxterart on Instagram

Continued… from my day in the big-smoke

My body still in shock.  Exhaustion racks my senses.  My skin’s collapsed, held in place by cartilage and bone.

I’ll never be one of them.  There’s no use trying.  Do I try?  Oh yes.  I have a heart that loves and yearns to respond in kind.  But I need those boundaries firm.  I need to stay firm with my higher guidance.

I can’t afford to get lost.  The journey to myself has been a long one.  And no two are the same.  I can’t look for confirmation… it will never be.  I’ll never see myself reflected in another.

Oh yes ~ the things we share.  But that solitary space can never be divided.  So what does that mean?  How to traverse this wild expanse of living.

It’s easy to get lost… hiding behind those massive pylons; holding up the bridge… to where?  What am I crossing over… what is on the other side?  From where have I come, and where am I going?

The storm was ferocious… not seen such pounding rain for a while.  I had no umbrella and I needed to catch the bus. The bus stop was a few blocks down.

The air had a chill that day… sitting for so long my leg lost its strength.  The cold had put it to sleep… and those bloody runners had little flexibility.  My foot felt like a block of wood.  Clod, clod, clod… they could hear me coming.

Oh god I know that place… I’ve lived and visited over many decades.  It’s not there all the time, depends the shoes, the weather and how tired I am.  But the suffocating angst and tension that spreads across my body.  The tension… oh, I know it well. Trying to walk… for many so easy.

To me each time’s a challenge.

Made it to the bus stop… rain was increasing; began to pour.  The flooding kind… swept through the gutters, collected in puddles all over.

I raced into the shelter… wow, it’s been there for ages.  Remember it from decades ago.  Looking worn and dirty.  Filled with lots of people… from all directions and places.  Alcohol, slight whift of weed (personally I think it’s a better choice ~ weed that is😊).  There was a lot going on in that shelter.

It was the end of the day and it had been an early start.  The early bus to Byron. Two workshops, different groups of people… with only a short break in between.

I really don’t know how I operate.  I usually only feel the impacts.  Why I can’t do what others do?  Well, it’s been an echo in my life.  But man have I fought against it… often to my detriment.

Finding my way… the road gets more and more narrow.  It can feel lonely and isolated… or is that just an echo that’s travelled through the centuries.  My son experiences it too (sometimes).

What is the solution?  To merge fully and completely with my divine inheritance.  To step into the body of me… its shape, its colour, its dimensions.  To dive deeper down, to all the floors… wear my full colours with golden pride.  I can only be myself.

Sounds simple… but from my experience, it’s not at all.

to be continued….

Sending you lotsa LOVE… marilyn 😍🧚‍♂️😍