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                   ‘Creating new patterns’ by me

‘Continuing’ from the last blog… drew me back to 1998, the 1st big ‘crash’.  It was around that time I began ‘seeing’ Mahalia, those gates I came thru at 3.36pm on the 1st October 2010.  We all have vision, we just need to pay attention.

The first crash took me by surprise, or did it?  There were obviously numerous messages that I chose to ignore.  That morning I remember well,  I couldn’t get off the bed, the tears starting flowing… I understood fully what was happening, I’d pushed myself too far.  I was upset, very upset that I’d allowed this to happen.  I’d been given enough warnings.

That first day as I lay there, my body almost paralysed… sobbing uncontrollably, I heard a voice.  It wasn’t mine, I remember it clearly… it was a male voice and it said to me, with such love and kindness… “I’ll give you a second chance”.  I cried even more, I replied ‘I promise I won’t do this to myself again’.

The medico’s said it was a Nervous Breakdown, the Chronic Fatique Doctor labelled it Chronic Fatigue.  I knew it was connected to my early Polio… and of course, that I’d continually ignored the boundaries of my safety.  I took years to recover, the first few months I couldn’t even talk.  Dealing with daily responsibilities was beyond me, I couldn’t communicate on the phone.  I lived alone, so somethings were left hanging.  Not purposefully… I just didn’t have the reserves to function normally.  Two years later this resulted in me having to sell my house.  So much had been lost… but I gathered my strength to begin again.

I did begin again and with even more vigor and purpose.  I focused on my material world and built it higher and higher.  But I had a challenging habit of forgetting my boundaries.  My desire to create, to build, to grow, to create beautiful, sacred places was a gift I had.  But it came with strict rules… ones I often conveniently pushed  aside.  The needs of the Body must always remain a priority…. Polio gifted me with that.  The learning has taken the time that it has.

Looking back thru my journals I came across this…  written a month before that 1st big crash.  Yes, learning takes the time it does.

Environment is rich

Nature’s fertility

green rolling hills

crops being harvested

Plenty of water

in the dam

trees look healthy

plenty of shelter

Love is the source

of your creative vision

your response to nurture

with your pearls of wisdom

Pearls of wisdom

on a cross of creation

careful not to create

a cross of servility

The cross in nature

is a gift

don’t, with your ignorance

make it a burden

When you do

your Heart will fly

the weight too heavy

for one to encounter

Depths of the Heart

are for no-one to own

needs to be free

to stand alone

Sense of responsibility

needs to be free

to help with the birth

the transformation

Delicate balance

to carry such responsibility

such compassion

such caring

Needs to be grounded

surrounded by Nature

need to be nurtured

by Divine Mother Gaia

Such a balance

is required of you

to use the gifts

that you’ve been given

Boundaries required

for the Heart

a safe haven of protection

for all that feeling

Deepest sense of nurturance

from a divine source

compassion for humanity

the entire collective

Needs strong boundaries

for survival and growth

Heart needs protection

from its depth of feeling

Nurturing and protecting

the entire collective

a lot of work

for those compromised muscles!

The learning continues… Life is Abundant, creative, kind and oh so nurturing.  We are loved beyond reason.  Life is constantly giving.

marilynxxx

I came through these gates, only recently installed, on the 1st October 2010 at 3.36pm, as the new ‘caretaker’.  Oh yes, I had my plans… a Sacred Healing Retreat… I thought it was time.

The ‘energies’ had been calling me for a while… around mid 2007 I was getting the call.  But you know how we are… put off, put off… till we can put off no more… masters of procrastination, in things that matter.

I’ve been told my grandfather was a Gypsy… I will involve myself with some diligent research at a later date (the ‘next chapter’).  I have a feeling a lot will surface.  My initial interest in Astrology began quite early… around 11 yrs old, I was searching for answers.  I first looked in psychology books, then came across one on Astrology, can’t remember where… it was 1959.  After that, I never read another psychology book.  Right from the start I understood Astrology to be an Ancient science… they were the very words that came out of my mouth.

So Astrology  has walked with me along the path… a curiosity and fascination with energy vibrations and cycles and a desire to understand the psyche… and how it all influences us.  I’ve always had an enquiring mind.

So hence… the exact time of arriving at the gate.  Of course a ‘chart’ was constructed… and I’m still uncovering the secrets.

If you’ve read ‘about’ me… you’ll see I contracted the Polio virus when I was little… 3 yrs I was.  So ‘issues’ with the body have also walked beside me.  I never really gave it any thought when I was younger.  Or probably more accurately I buried any awareness pretty quickly… who wants to be different, when you’re young anyway!  But geez, having an iron brace on my leg until I was ten didn’t exactly make me invisible. But really, in my conscious mind I never thought about it much.  Neither did anyone else.  Think it was a part of the ‘fascinating’ fifties… god forbid anyone was different.  Bill boards and adverts broadcasting the need to be ‘perfect’.

But it wasn’t until around 1998 that I began researching Polio… I had no idea what actually happened to my body… ’cause no-one spoke about it.  Ignore it and it isn’t there.  Anyway, not being much of a conservative medical girl, I took the so-called ‘facts’ and added my perspective.  1997/98 was the first big ‘crash’… no need to go into the details, just that it grounded me for a few years.  For those familiar with Astrology… it was my Chiron Return.

Got through that one with my usual determination (and help from those who guide me)… but unfortunately took back some of my old, hard to put down, habits.  An A type personality with Mars in Scorpio… a Virgo with a Capricorn Moon, Gemini Ascendant etc etc…. and a double Rat.  Yes busy, busy, busy, busy.  These days ‘things’ have changed.

Being self-taught in Astrology, I didn’t do classes.  But in 2007 when the ‘energies’ were calling me I did a Black Moon Lilith workshop in Mullumbimby.  I then continued on to Woodenbong, my partner having recently bought a place there. The next day was the 27th August 2007… Full Moon Eclipse in Pisces… sitting on (conjunct in Astro talk) my Black Moon Lilith.  It was also my Saturn Return and not long till my birthday.  It was a significant turning point in my life.

I sat outside in the wonderful Woodenbong air…   the sky so magnificent… like a velvet cloak studded with millions of diamonds… it was sensational.  And I ‘knew’ big things were happening. I watched that Eclipse, as the Full Moon turned into a passionate red… and glowed.  I was mesmerized… the energy was captivating.  I awoke the next morning and everything had changed.  I not only felt it in myself… but I could ‘see’ it all around me, everything had changed… nothing was the same…. to be continued.

 

Happy New Moon in gorgeous Virgo

lotsa luv…. marilynxxx

First, apologies for not having artist’s name… if anyone recognises it please let me know.  I thought it really represented Virgo’s true nature.

As a Virgo born I feel she’s often very misunderstood.  Still wearing the Patriarchy’s stamp… as so many other ‘female’ messengers have.  As a Virgo… I think it’s time to meet the real Virgo… yes, it’s time, it’s time.

We all know about the fussy, tidy, perfectionist seeker… critical, solitary and health conscious person… always seeing the ‘flaws’.  The Patriarchy has a way of viewing things, especially the Feminine.  She was a threat, her power too great to be left free to roam… ‘contaminating’ all.  Patriarchy had a plan, a focus… ‘we will rule the world, we will create. we will decide who lives and who dies.  It is our actions that will form ‘what is’ ‘  ‘We are Man, we have power’… the voice of the Feminine wiped from awareness.

She’s been gone for so long now… that even I have difficulty finding the words to describe her.  BUT I can feel her.

She’s all around me… in the Earth under my feet, in the air that I breath.  All life around me sings her song.  She’s giving life, she provides support… she nourishes and nurtures… she protects and cares for.  She creates, she gives form to life.  She is the essence behind the manifest… she know the mysteries of life.  She is the Goddess.  She brings love… she brings care… her kindness surrounds me, she is Mother Earth.

She understand wholeness… it’s there that she lives.  The details of life are part of one much larger whole… she knows about this.  She lives in the wholeness… she brings this into form.  She is Spirit of the Earth.  If you’re still… you can hear her, her voice so sweet and tender… she sings the song of Life.  She’s the Mother, she’s the daughter… she’s the wise old Crone… she knows the mysteries… she’s Woman, she carries the Divine Feminine in manifested form.  She’s the Spirit of the Earth.

Her voice so sweet… so tender, so alluring… she’s calling us to listen.  It’s time, it’s time to know her mysteries.  She is the Goddess, the Spirit of the Earth.  It’s time, it’s time for her to be welcomed back.  The Earth’s been crying for her.  She heard that cry… and she’s back.  The Divine Feminine is with us again… after such a very long time.

Time for the Sacred… the sacred in matter… our body, our Earth… the essence behind all that’s living.  It’s time, it’s time.

 

marilynxxx

 

Springtime around…

 

Outside in the pre-dawn… the sky so clear and bright, filled with stars and the last quarter Moon.  It’s the last day of August 2013, September tomorrow… my birthday time.  Springtime in the mountains greeted my arrival.  Beautiful September, so happy to be a Virgo.  And on the 12th… ‘until the 12th of never I’ll still be loving you’… my song.

Ahhhh… a falling star, how special they are… makes me feel all tingley inside.  My ‘wish’, as always, is Love.  Now another heading straight toward the Pleiades… that far away place that calls us in our dreams.  Another chance to ‘wish’.  What a magick place this Earth… a very precious gift.  Created with such tender loving care… the details, perfection to the tiniest bit.  A truly caring soul was responsible for this.  To give from the purest love… I guess that’s what we call the ‘Divine’.

The stars begin to fade, except for the Moon… and Jupiter sitting near by.  The mists surrounding the mountains rise from their evening slumber,  filling the air with precious moisture.  This amazing air fills my lungs, cleansing the tissues as it briefly passes.  So much is given.

The horizon now heralds the coming of the Sun… the morning chorus has been present for a while.  Beginning early, before any light is visible.  The infamous Kookas, the only alarm needed… specially provided to wake us from our resting.  To witness the magick of the morning.

Stars mostly gone now… except Moon and Jupiter and Orion still visible above.  Winter has moved on, air so much warmer… Spring is birthing… a magickal time of rejoice and celebration.

I feel so fortunate to experience this magick, some have forgotten that it actually exists.  Locked in their cells of concrete and steel… prisoners taken, no mercy, no compassion.  The soul starving, hungry for Life.  All has been given, nothing omitted… rejoice, rejoice, heaven is here… we have all we need.

Last day of August 2013… September tomorrow, my birthday month… what a great time to be born.  I feel so grateful for my precious Life.

 

lotsa luv

marilynxxx

 

There comes a time…. when enough is enough.  And I believe I’ve just reached that point!

It could be my approaching 65th… the doorway to the Crone years, I know I’m really going to enjoy them.  As I dated the page of my new journal this morning, I began with… ‘another journey, another journal… less than one month to my 65th birthday… officially an Elder’.

But this ‘enough’ business has been brewing for a while.  Yesterday finally got around to some of the artwork, needing to be finished… for our WAG (Woodenbong Artists Group) exhibition, happening soon.  I’ve been experimenting with oil pastels, with some acrylics and maybe a bit of oil paint.  I’ll do more today.  But as I was working, this feeling was brewing deeper and deeper inside me… something  was outraged… and a little fearful.  This coming election kept coming to mind.  Yes, I know fear is wasted energy and most definitely not helpful, so I asked myself, and those who guide me… ‘what can I do, how can I contribute?’ ‘Cause I need to do something.

And then the words… ENOUGH is ENOUGH.  The Grandmother, the Crone, the Ancient Feminine… I don’t know.  But it was my voice I was hearing… and my feelings stirring.  “I’m sick and tired”, I said out loud, “of this legacy we’ve inherited”… this rotten, stinking mess from the Patriarchal rule.  So enough is enough… it’s time to stand and declare… I will not allow, I will not be a part of death.

This old boys club that insists on vomiting all over us… enough is enough.  Something needs to be done.  It’s time, it’s time for us to take our place.  Where do we stand?  Do we stand with Life?  Or do we stand with Death?  This question we need to ask ourself.

As I picked up crayons and paints I kept seeing Life… surrounded by encroaching darkness… its approach aggressive and insidious.  The energy around became clearer and clearer.  Now, I usually see the Love and the Light… I do, it comes naturally, I see it all around.  But there’s no denying the threat that’s approaching.  And us human beings need to be awake and conscious.

I’m looking forward to my Elder years… and yes we’ll do it in our own unique way…. a little of the new, a little of the old… these Elders emerging are a brand new breed.  Brave and courageous, with something to say… enough, enough of this death and decay… enough, enough of this warring and disease… enough, enough of these poisons and sickness… enough, enough of lies and deceit. Enough, enough of destroying this Earth!!!  Enough, enough of this patriarchal rule… move over lads, your time is up!

So I’m learning new ways… to be the new person I’m becoming.  Supported by all that’s been before, awakening to this new and vibrant energy.  There’s a time to act, and there’s a time to be still.  There’s a time to do and a time to rest.  The Feminine carries the wisdom, deep in her soul… the understanding of cycles, the knowledge of the Ancient ways.  There have been many ways these have tried to be destroyed… but they still exist, we just need to allow them to rise.  The energies at present are supporting their emergence.

Many of our Ancestors have been sentenced to death… for their beliefs and their practicing of the old Traditional ways.  This time has come to an end!!  We will not be lead to their burning piles.  The rage of the Ancient Feminine is palpable and real… she lives inside us… we cannot escape her cries.  This is a new time, a new Age, and we have come to be a part… to usher in the new…  to hold ceremonies for the burning of the decayed.

These are powerful times… we need to be awake… allow yourself to break free of the ropes, that have bound you for so long.  Allow your voice to be heard… allow room in your life for your Heart.  Allow the dead and dying to depart.  We have the courage… we have the strength… we know what to do, when we listen to our Heart.  It’s time… it’s time… enough is enough.

Time marching on… all the little soldiers, uniforms straight, golden buttons shining… in the beautiful sunshine.  Legs moving together…  like waves in a sea… marching on the parade ground, dark grey in colour.  Legs lifting, all together, then down again, continuing the rhythm… Tick Tock, Tick Tock… like a clock, a heartbeat… a sound vibrating.  Time marching on…  waiting for no one.

I arrived here one day in this strange, cold place, so different to my home far, far away… mechanical faces, things made of steel… but the Ember inside keeping them alive.  I could see it inside them, even when it was small… and  I knew, that it was their way back home… but it felt so strange this cold new world.  Many things, coming to visit… creating new feelings.   Like a Tick Tock… people coming and going, scenery changing…  movement happening all around me… the Ember glowing… reminding me of home… I miss being there.

Body so small, I can’t be alone… dependant on others for things I need; we begin our journey as part of a whole.  Tick Tock, Tick Tock the vehicle grows… more and more visitors coming and going… scenery changing, the Ember calling… the voice is clear, but softens in time, till you can hardly hear.  My attention is taken.

Tick Tock, Tick Tock…  Scenery keeps changing, the Ember keeps humming,  so warm her calling.  Tick Tock, Tick Tock… I see all that happens, from my platform inside, as high as the tree tops…  I see all around, nothing is hidden.  I see children flying, their legs no longer working… they seem so happy, they’re flying and giggling…. they’re on their way home.

Tick Tock, Tick Tock… the sound now vibrating, down empty corridors with bright shiny floors… and black shiny shoes.  Tick Tock, Tick Tock… the sound now so loud it hurts my ears, I don’t like this sound… it’s cold, it’s scary… I want my Mummy.  Tick Tock, Tick Tock… visitors so many, now in coats hard with stiffness, cold things they carry, no warmth, unfriendly… where is my Mummy, I want to go home?

Tick Tock, Tick Tock… echos in the hallways, a hollow sound that seems to surround me… coldness is chilling… something I’m losing… I don’t like this place… I want my Mummy, I want to go home.  Tick Tock, Tick Tock… the echo’s grow louder, the cold, the distance, continues it’s haunting.  I don’t like these visitors, I want to go home… I don’t like this place, it’s not very friendly… I miss my Mummy, when are you coming?

Children are crying… stiff coats surrounding, warmth disappearing… people are cranky, they don’t undertand… what’s going on.  Children now flying high to the ceiling, people gather… I can see what’s happening… they’re going home to their Mummy… I want to fly too.

Tick Tock, Tick Tock… mornings follow sleeping, my body not moving… white sheets binding, tight and restricting.  Tick Tock, Tick Tock tears are now streaming, I call out to my Mummy… Mummy please come and get me… I don’t like this place, all these people, not friendly or nice…  I want to go home.

More children flying… high to the ceiling, smiles on their faces… free from their binding… they’re happy…  they’re going home.  I want to go too.  Lots of things moving, shiny things probing, people running, voices shouting… fear all around me;  children are happy, they have flown away.

Flying children stay around me… I want to fly too, far, far away… from all the coldness and horrible lights… and scary machines.  Tick Tock, Tick Tock… more and more sound, I cover my eyes, only one hand works… I don’t understand.  Why are they keeping me here, what are they doing…. Tick Tock, Tick Tock… I want to go home.

More days follow sleeping… feeling heavy in my binding… I look toward the ceiling… watching for flying children… I want to go too.  But they won’t let me go… they’re keeping me here.

Tick Tock, Tick Tock… I want to fly away too….

marilynxxx

 

Sitting outside in the early morning… light approaching dark… all still, but for the sounds of silence.  Soft dripping drops of rain cease for a moment or two;   silhouettes of black and white… emerging light, loosens night’s hold.  I sit and take in all around me.

It’s almost three years since I came through the front gates… Mahalia, I’d already given her, her name.  I had my plans, my focus and determination.  I had a vision, I thought it was important… it was October 2010.

My ability to sense the ‘currents’ around me has always been present, thanks to my Ancestors.  But it’s taken a lengthy amount of time to trust it.  The granddaughter of a Gypsy, I carry the memories, the gifts and abilities… I was never destined to be ‘normal’.  But oh how I tried, it became an obsession… having Polio as a child compacted the issue.  It had become my mission…  ‘normality’ the goal post.  All thoughts of ‘difference’ deeply buried.  They’ve taken a long time to re-surface.

We all come with gifts, we all come with genius… we all have a purpose, beyond the original… the same for each one of us.  Early years in the 1950’s was a solid education, fantasized images of what it was to be a good citizen, to be a real person… especially for Woman.  Yes they let go of the corsets, binding bones with bones, crushing the rib-cage… breathing difficult.  A psychological message… ‘you have no right to be here,  only by our graceful bounty… are you permitted to exist.’   The Solar Plexus, our centre of power, tightly controlled… the power of Woman has been feared for centuries.  Control came in many different ways.  The Kookas are now chuckling around the valley… welcoming the dawn.

So we escaped the corset… the long clothing, tangling our legs… reducing our freedom to run with haste.  The word ‘Matriarchal’ wiped from our language.  As in years passed when Woman was burnt… for following the ways of  Goddess Wisdom.   Various ways of capture and annihilation were conjured… and enacted.  They never understood by imprisoning the Feminine… they were imprisoning themselves.  Yin and Yang, only together do they exist… the circle of Life.

Woman brings Birth… she is the Goddess Creator… she carries the Sacred Womb… she nurtures and feeds.  She fosters Life… as does Mother Earth.

 

 

So they went about building their structures of steel… creating machines for all our needs… a mechanical world.  Machines need a source of energy to live… they don’t have the gift of Breath, the organic source of Life… as we do.  They need an external source to create any movement.  So the search continues.

These ‘clever’ ones then began their exploration, using the cerebral matter contained in their skull.   Exploring ways to create ‘new worlds’… the ‘old’ no longer loved and cherished… now the Feminine was gone.  How lost we can become….  forgetting our roots, from where we’ve come.   From Mother Earth and Father Sky… with a link to the Divine… to guide us home.

Like immature boys wanting to prove their strength, show their emerging muscles to their friends… their toughness, their manhood.  The Age of Machines continued to grow, larger and larger, like a monster with an insatiable appetite.  Machines then take on a life of their own… but not guided by Life Force, Wisdom and Love.  Controlled by a central mechanical source… more and more machines… and  humans with sickness at their core.

A lot has occurred in these 65 years.  From the post war years, through the control of the 1950’s… the rebellion of the 60’s, the movements of the 70’s,  the wealth obsession of the 80’s, the collapse in the 90’s.  Then a new century… the 21st century.  We have come of Age… how will we use our new-found ‘freedom’… we’re now adults… or are we.   A new Age beckons…. the Woman is awakening from her induced coma.

 

marilynxxx

 Wild Woman is stirring… we need to give her a hand

She’s lived in the darkness

confined to a cell

no room for moving

it’s been a living hell

Her limbs have  become twisted

her muscles atrophied

her eyes glazed over

the pain unbearable

She’d forgotten what happened

no memories forthcoming

this life in a cage

is all she remembered

But then one day

a fresh breeze blows in from the sea

she can smell the air

the sweet salty tang

memories stir

visions she sees

Can it be?

Can it be?

before she falls back to sleep

And then another

slips thru the cracks

of her cold, grey cell

no windows to see

But air has a way

of slipping thru… tiny spaces

memories again

she’s awoken from her slumber.

marilynxxx