creating new patterns…

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                   ‘Creating new patterns’ by me

‘Continuing’ from the last blog… drew me back to 1998, the 1st big ‘crash’.  It was around that time I began ‘seeing’ Mahalia, those gates I came thru at 3.36pm on the 1st October 2010.  We all have vision, we just need to pay attention.

The first crash took me by surprise, or did it?  There were obviously numerous messages that I chose to ignore.  That morning I remember well,  I couldn’t get off the bed, the tears starting flowing… I understood fully what was happening, I’d pushed myself too far.  I was upset, very upset that I’d allowed this to happen.  I’d been given enough warnings.

That first day as I lay there, my body almost paralysed… sobbing uncontrollably, I heard a voice.  It wasn’t mine, I remember it clearly… it was a male voice and it said to me, with such love and kindness… “I’ll give you a second chance”.  I cried even more, I replied ‘I promise I won’t do this to myself again’.

The medico’s said it was a Nervous Breakdown, the Chronic Fatique Doctor labelled it Chronic Fatigue.  I knew it was connected to my early Polio… and of course, that I’d continually ignored the boundaries of my safety.  I took years to recover, the first few months I couldn’t even talk.  Dealing with daily responsibilities was beyond me, I couldn’t communicate on the phone.  I lived alone, so somethings were left hanging.  Not purposefully… I just didn’t have the reserves to function normally.  Two years later this resulted in me having to sell my house.  So much had been lost… but I gathered my strength to begin again.

I did begin again and with even more vigor and purpose.  I focused on my material world and built it higher and higher.  But I had a challenging habit of forgetting my boundaries.  My desire to create, to build, to grow, to create beautiful, sacred places was a gift I had.  But it came with strict rules… ones I often conveniently pushed  aside.  The needs of the Body must always remain a priority…. Polio gifted me with that.  The learning has taken the time that it has.

Looking back thru my journals I came across this…  written a month before that 1st big crash.  Yes, learning takes the time it does.

Environment is rich

Nature’s fertility

green rolling hills

crops being harvested

Plenty of water

in the dam

trees look healthy

plenty of shelter

Love is the source

of your creative vision

your response to nurture

with your pearls of wisdom

Pearls of wisdom

on a cross of creation

careful not to create

a cross of servility

The cross in nature

is a gift

don’t, with your ignorance

make it a burden

When you do

your Heart will fly

the weight too heavy

for one to encounter

Depths of the Heart

are for no-one to own

needs to be free

to stand alone

Sense of responsibility

needs to be free

to help with the birth

the transformation

Delicate balance

to carry such responsibility

such compassion

such caring

Needs to be grounded

surrounded by Nature

need to be nurtured

by Divine Mother Gaia

Such a balance

is required of you

to use the gifts

that you’ve been given

Boundaries required

for the Heart

a safe haven of protection

for all that feeling

Deepest sense of nurturance

from a divine source

compassion for humanity

the entire collective

Needs strong boundaries

for survival and growth

Heart needs protection

from its depth of feeling

Nurturing and protecting

the entire collective

a lot of work

for those compromised muscles!

The learning continues… Life is Abundant, creative, kind and oh so nurturing.  We are loved beyond reason.  Life is constantly giving.

marilynxxx

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