‘Creating new patterns’ by me
‘Continuing’ from the last blog… drew me back to 1998, the 1st big ‘crash’. It was around that time I began ‘seeing’ Mahalia, those gates I came thru at 3.36pm on the 1st October 2010. We all have vision, we just need to pay attention.
The first crash took me by surprise, or did it? There were obviously numerous messages that I chose to ignore. That morning I remember well, I couldn’t get off the bed, the tears starting flowing… I understood fully what was happening, I’d pushed myself too far. I was upset, very upset that I’d allowed this to happen. I’d been given enough warnings.
That first day as I lay there, my body almost paralysed… sobbing uncontrollably, I heard a voice. It wasn’t mine, I remember it clearly… it was a male voice and it said to me, with such love and kindness… “I’ll give you a second chance”. I cried even more, I replied ‘I promise I won’t do this to myself again’.
The medico’s said it was a Nervous Breakdown, the Chronic Fatique Doctor labelled it Chronic Fatigue. I knew it was connected to my early Polio… and of course, that I’d continually ignored the boundaries of my safety. I took years to recover, the first few months I couldn’t even talk. Dealing with daily responsibilities was beyond me, I couldn’t communicate on the phone. I lived alone, so somethings were left hanging. Not purposefully… I just didn’t have the reserves to function normally. Two years later this resulted in me having to sell my house. So much had been lost… but I gathered my strength to begin again.
I did begin again and with even more vigor and purpose. I focused on my material world and built it higher and higher. But I had a challenging habit of forgetting my boundaries. My desire to create, to build, to grow, to create beautiful, sacred places was a gift I had. But it came with strict rules… ones I often conveniently pushed aside. The needs of the Body must always remain a priority…. Polio gifted me with that. The learning has taken the time that it has.
Looking back thru my journals I came across this… written a month before that 1st big crash. Yes, learning takes the time it does.
Environment is rich
Nature’s fertility
green rolling hills
crops being harvested
Plenty of water
in the dam
trees look healthy
plenty of shelter
Love is the source
of your creative vision
your response to nurture
with your pearls of wisdom
Pearls of wisdom
on a cross of creation
careful not to create
a cross of servility
The cross in nature
is a gift
don’t, with your ignorance
make it a burden
When you do
your Heart will fly
the weight too heavy
for one to encounter
Depths of the Heart
are for no-one to own
needs to be free
to stand alone
Sense of responsibility
needs to be free
to help with the birth
the transformation
Delicate balance
to carry such responsibility
such compassion
such caring
Needs to be grounded
surrounded by Nature
need to be nurtured
by Divine Mother Gaia
Such a balance
is required of you
to use the gifts
that you’ve been given
Boundaries required
for the Heart
a safe haven of protection
for all that feeling
Deepest sense of nurturance
from a divine source
compassion for humanity
the entire collective
Needs strong boundaries
for survival and growth
Heart needs protection
from its depth of feeling
Nurturing and protecting
the entire collective
a lot of work
for those compromised muscles!
The learning continues… Life is Abundant, creative, kind and oh so nurturing. We are loved beyond reason. Life is constantly giving.
marilynxxx
Marilyn’s Magick🌺 