Mother Nature’s a saviour for me… it’s the number one place I feel completely at home. Able to be me. Accepted and loved without hesitation… immediate union, up front and personal.
Merging in the most intimate and erotic of ways
There’s really nothing that compares.
The rest… I struggle at times. Maybe I always have. Singled out to be different as a child… I became familiar with the scene on the other side of the fence.
It’s still that way. It’s always there… this distance, this separation… connected with giant swathes of empty space in between.
Of course everything is multiplied now.
For those of us that operate in a different sphere.
Are we better or worse? Of course not
I remember saying those words to my beautiful boy… when he was only small
We come the way we do… with all our uniqueness… all our specialness
There’s no place for comparison… can’t be
Look at every plant… on this precious Earth
These times are tough for outsiders… the majority demanding their ways to be followed
Leaving no room for the slightest abnormality… ‘we’re all in this together’
well we are… at least on the energetic level
But what we need is as uniquely special as each and every grain of sand.
Love and compassion is what we need… what I need
there’s enough darkness in this world
fighting and war we’ve lived with… from centuries past
we all carry the wounds… lots can’t be seen
So amidst the battle field… can we find a place in our heart
to share love… not damnation
to share compassion and understanding
all the hate, the criticism and division is wearing me down.
Ahhh… when’s the special plane arriving… to take us misfits to our own special place.
Two years (!!!)… (Wuhan lab leak investigations) since the virus joined us… and spread its cheer… back in August/September 2019.
I remember that time… August/September 2019… it was significant. We were covered in smoke… fires decimating Oz. Even the coast wasn’t spared… It was a devastating time to witness. Month after month it continued. The human and environmental cost was enormous.
I remember that time well. It carved its bloody signature into my emotional body. And from there it went on…
September’s my birthday… a friend and I were heading up the coast… to cross the border (the days when you could)… we were hoping to get to an event that’d been planned.
The highway was chaotic… so many cars being diverted. So much chaos and confusion… and fear. And this was before our dear friend the virus made it into the headlines.
We were driving… the car’s windows closed, masks on our faces to protect us from the smoke. It was still getting in through the vents… and making its way into our lungs.
The daily reporting… scenes so horrific. We’d entered a new land of hell.
My son was in Oz for a short time… so I headed down to Adelaide to spend Christmas with him… and to be with some lovely friends. It’d been too long.
Arriving in Adelaide… descending onto the tarmac… the heat was suffocating. It was hard to breath… the temperature was 46 degrees.
Got to my friends in the hills. So lovely to be with them again.
Next morning… sitting at breakfast… my friend interrupts… ‘that’s smoke’. It was close…
The fires have followed me down
They quickly spread
The chaos, the fear… again
I flew back on New Year’s Day. Welcome 2020. Arriving back I was struggling. It was difficult to walk to the end of the airport where the shuttle was parked.
I waited… hot, overwhelmed, depleted and exhausted… spent from all the drama. The shuttle departed… back to the Byron Shire. What a relief to drive through the green and luscious Tweed Valley… it fed my weary spirit.
Back to Bruns around 7pm… still struggling to walk. Sheer will made it possible… with my heavy bag… back to the cabin.
Christmas in the campground. Filled to the max. I had no energy for any of it.
I never came back to ‘normal’… after that interval of time.
I was someone who never caught colds or flu (all my life)… and if one managed to take hold within 24hrs it’d cleared. 48hrs at most.
But I never felt the same.
Now I had flu like colds that lasted for weeks and weeks and weeks.
When the virus made it to the news… I wondered if I’d picked it up over that Christmas period… hanging out in excessively crowded airports and packed planes.
But we weren’t aware of the virus then.
I’ve never returned to what I was before… maybe we never do
Who knows. Stress itself can have an enormous effect on the body. And the collective emotional presence can be super overwhelming. Lotsa chaos impacts us.
Bits and pieces still coming to the surface.
Our world has changed… and it’s looking like that will continue for some time yet.
What do we keep… what do we release
What makes sense?
Our humanity… our love, our care, our kindness
way too precious… far too expensive
to ever let drift away.
Can we take a few steps back… in our fear, in our collective confusion
Can we just be people finding our way in a new world… a world that will continue to change
Can we respect each other
There is no going back to ‘normal’
that won’t happen
it’s too late now
it’s changed for good
What kind of world do we want to replace it with
Yeah it’s tricky… can we live from kindness and care
So many new choices we need to make…
protect ourselves from the onslaught of attack
Certainly is reminiscent at times… of times way back when
I’d forgotten (not really) how special lockdown can be.
I’ve never forgotten last year… that first chapter of the virus… as lots of things shut down for a while… including most of the planes. It was extraordinary. Witnessing Mother Nature blossoming before our very eyes. It happened in many places around the world.
It put on a special show here in my back yard. It felt like an ‘other worldly’ experience… or that your senses had been activated by an hallucinogen.
Out back of me is Simpson’s Creek… an estuary of the Brunswick River. It’s tidal… but never dry. It’s a special place… with Magick Mangroves on either side. Well on the more human active side of the creek the mangroves aren’t doing that well.
Despite it all it retains its magick.
Witnessing that blossoming during the early stages of the virus back in early 2020… I thought surely we’d never forget. Surely people would never want to ‘go back to normal’ after witnessing this. Not after witnessing this miracle.
Sigh… we forget.
Letting go of what we’ve known is not easy. We create a sense of security in the familiar. What will we have if everything changes, if things are taken away? We hold on. Even when we see our ways destroying the very planet we exist on.
Change will come… whether we let go or not. Some things are much bigger than us.
The kindness of Life allows us choice… gently reminds us, gives us a shove. Tries to open our eyes.
I went for my first swim in the river/creek today… first in months. We’ve had heaps of rain and cold weather this year… and after what seemed like constant rain for months and months and months the river took ages to clear itself of all the runoff and debris.
It’s back… back to it’s most extraordinary self… a colour I struggle to find a word to describe. It’s the palest, see-through, mesmerisingly light green mixed with blue. It’s spellbinding.
We’re in the end of winter here… so water temperature is cool but not cold. It’s wonderful… invigorating and revitalising. It’s magickal.
I look out to a huge open expansive of stunning water… held and supported either side by the sacred mangroves. Two lone fisherman in the distance… one north, one south. A paddler in the distance. The rest just open empty space… inhabited by the special creatures that call it home.
An Osprey glides overhead.
The sky a brilliant blue… above and all around. A scattering of stretched-out white clouds lying low in the south.
Sunlight, light, bright, brilliant and warm.
I wish we didn’t forget. We know (surely some place deep down) we really can’t ‘go back to normal’… I mean look at the latest warning… ‘the highest alert’. Screaming Red.
Will we sit and watch… the destruction of our precious Earth?
Or draw on all our courage and strength… gather together and say ‘Yes’. We can change. We can create a new future.
I’ve been feeling tired. Zero motivation. My body wants to sleep. I keep distracting myself. Wanting to hold on to what was… while longing to let it all go. BE FREE.
How I Love to MERGE with Life.
I feel stuck… don’t know where I am. I’m not there… and not arrived in next. I’m not sure where I am.
I’m changing… by the second. Shifted… moved into another space.
The ‘old’ boring, humdrum, repetitive… stuck in yesterdays. We’ve moved on… but haven’t arrived yet.
A new experience for sure… especially on such a galactic scale.
Where to go in all the changes? What to ‘do’?
The space is empty… and feeling pretty weighty. Inside out, upside down… everything’s happening all at once. Moving at the speed of light. Yet ambling along.
Marilyn’s Magick🌺 