Author: marilyn

It’s been extraordinarily deep, this move. Bit like as if I’m moving universes. With all the galactic movement happening in our cosmic space… of course mirroring inside of us… we could well and truly be doing that… shifting universes.

But man… it’s hard on the body. Especially this 3/4 century, bit Fae… top of the scale finely tuned model. I haven’t experienced one as big as this before.

It makes a difference… it does. Our life path is full of all these spiralling cycles… we go through all these transformations. We travel worlds inside ourselves.

It’s an extraordinary process. It’s originality and purity is exquisite. But at times not for the faint of heart. It takes courage to be true. To want what’s real.

*Growth* has always called me… from as long back as I remember. I was on the hunt to know and to understand… to experience.

We have this allocated time… to fit in all our exploring, learning and processing… unwrap our reality.

What an opportunity.

The miracle that life is.

And the beauty… my god.

A life is an amazing thing… and all it makes possible.

Covid knocked me… it’s a weird one. I haven’t given it too much thought… did all that last few years… I was just dealing with it in my body. And still am… it’s a nasty bugger.

And moving. Always a big one for me. It activates some very deep body/psyche memories in me. Well, trauma also registers in the body. It intertwines into our systems.

I noticed it yesterday… I recognised it immediately. I was in freeze. I felt paralysed, unable to do anything. All I could do was lie on the bed and watch a series on my phone (My Mac died).

No wonder it’s been so f**king hard. A few times I’ve said ‘I can’t do this…’.

I’ve never had such a clear body awareness of trauma before. It was so clear. So visible. So visceral. My system was in freeze. Then I understood… I’m in a trauma response.

So… an opportunity to self love even more.

How amidst it all? There is always a way.

I deeply value my life.

Getting our priorities clear… no time for compromise. Life is valued

2023… another big year.

I’ve been swimming every day… across the creek to the mangroves on the other side. High tide the ocean water is beautifully clear.

Magick healing dust.

There’s a gorgeous resident snake that’s been camping front and back of my cabin for days. Healing magick is in process.

Much Love to me… ❤️🌺❤️

It’s been a helluva ride emotionally😯

It’s good for me… to have my emotions more visible. It’s been a journey… activated a lot during my somatic coaching training.

I spent a lot of time in this cabin doing that training… sitting comfy on my bed, looking out at the magick mangroves and creek.

My whole journey back here in the northern rivers has been dedicated to that focus… releasing a deeper part of me.

I needed a place to stand still … after a year of moving from place to place. Heavy with grief after leaving the Sacred Site.

You just gotta keep letting go. You can’t hold on to things. Everything keeps moving, morphing, spiralling.

You don’t have the power to hold it all. You’re a witness… and man, how much exquisite enjoyment and raptured joy you receive from having that gift.

Life’s a miracle. And so vastly generous.

Yeah… then there’s the hard bits. Being alive, all that entails. But who would swap it?

Letting go… gently pulling away all the chords that join you. Unite you… merge your beings together.

I’m so grateful I get to feel it all… the whole journey. That I honour it, I give it time, I surrender to it.

It can feel hard to feel a lot… but who would swap it?

Just remembering the love… the care, the gentle holding… of yourself. As you walk through these massive transformations.

All good practice.

Much Love to you🧡🧑🏻‍🦳🧡

We get into habits with our thinking… as we do with our routines.

My Capricorn Moon can get into Ms Grumpy… strangely I’ve hardly ever noticed her. My Ms Nice & Accommodating taking centre stage.

At least she’s visible now… that’s happened during Covid. I met Ms Grumpy. It felt quite satisfying meeting her, like she was a lost part of me. Then there’s the guilt. Of not being nice.

I’ve always experienced that ‘sickness’ brings gifts… it’s a powerfully transforming time. The sacred body doing what she knows so well… her power of focus on the whole… all working in harmony. Maintaining the sacred vibration.

Such a miraculous creation.

Then there’s the larger cycles we’re a part of… my personal astrological cycles in synchronicity with the events that surround me.

Symbols fascinated me as a young girl… during my highly creative pubescent years it all came rushing in.

I was ‘good’ at maths… I loved them. I especially loved algebra and geometry. That led on to all the so called mystical arts.

When I first discovered astrology… during that sacred time of moving from child into woman… I said to myself immediately… ‘it’s an ancient science’. I knew that inside me.

So another time of experiencing the peak of a cycle, a time of endings and new beginnings. They always take so much… and give so much in return. If we can only muster the courage.

Maybe as we journey… we grow in depth and capacity… to receive all that life has for us.

Having no limits.

Yet loving boundaries. As our love for self grows.

Today’s the 4th… the 20th the movers come. Cabin’s in chaos… an interesting state for a Virgo.

It’s been a power packed month.

A lot’s happened and is happening during this entrance into 2023.

Feeling it all… 🌺🧑🏻‍🦳🌺

This is about my fourth attempt… everything sounds far away, trying to analyse, give some kind of meaning. When really it’s mostly emotional.

Virgo, Gemini, Capricorn aren’t known for their free flow of emotions. My ‘make-up’ tends to go to my head.

When everything feels different. And you feel like you’re being in a whole new person. You’re not who you were… and also not who you’re becoming. Bit like our world that is spinning in transition at present.

Talk about a double whammy.

There are moments when the letting go feels excruciating. I’d thought I’ve experienced that deep grief of leaving something so special… but heh, I guess everything keeps on spiralling.

It’s like there’s no way back. Oh boy, have I had that experience before. And the door to what’s ahead is still closed. You find yourself trembling in your boots on the step of the closed door, too scared to knock. You’ve no idea what’s on the other side.

Fear they say is a common human emotion. I’ve often considered fear to be my primary emotion… connecting to the kidneys which have too been a sensitive part of my energetics.

The virus I had as a child gave them a bit of a wallop… plus the associated trauma. I’ve been so taken care of… with my body’s super power of renewal. She’s truly a wonder.

Viruses… I’ve had a few, and my body is still taking care of me. She’s certainly impressive.

Just 10 days now out of the Covid haze… what a journey that is. Everything keeps on changing. I’m standing in a new space. It’s both fascinating and terrifying.

My home has sold… packing boxes everywhere. I don’t know where to next. I wonder why I do this to myself. And in my f**king three quarter century year… which is simply wild (I think😮).

Everything has changed… I’ve experienced this before. The intensity of it… the both visual and visceral experience of it. The holding on for grim death… being yanked to let go. Resisting, terrified.

I’m a mixture of so much. Such depth to my feeling nature. An innate need for freedom… space to experience and explore… be all of me. This lust for life.

It’s a wild ride.

I hope some of this makes sense…

To bravery and courage… and joy in letting go… allowing room for more of me to be.

Much Love🧡🌺🧡

This is my 3rd day on my comfy bed… still in my PJ’s morning till night. I try to recall when I last showered.

Sunday was goodbye day… standing on the station… half in, half out… the clock clicking down.

Nervousness, anxiety, tears gathering… new experiences enveloped in the old and familiar. New depths of feeling. Sensations unfamiliar.

2023 certainly started with vigour and intensity… shielded and softened by a protective shield.

So much happening all at once. So much growth, so much evolvement. New chapters birthing… old slipping away. So much is possible having a life.

I didn’t get Covid… or so I believe. Not that I recognised anyway. I was devoted to my best Vitamin C… I felt free in my actions and I took care of myself.

Sickness is both relatable and seemingly mysterious. I know a bit about it… my life started early with it. I’m no delicate, fragile flower. I have a core of solid Earth.

My dear suffering Dad (from the war)… was a philosopher thru and thru. Most times he opened his mouth… out they came.

There were many that accompanied me through my growing up years… the most famous of them being (at least by its impression on me)… ‘there’s no such thing as a coincidence’.

That has helped me make sense of things. Being what’s often referred to as a ‘Sensitive’… my range of feeling, sensation and internal understanding is considerable.

And then… all we know is here and now. This gorgeous breath that brings me life. I am so grateful for that.

It helped me take my life experiences as a support and tool for growth. At heart I’m a true adventurer 😊😊

There’s supposed Gypsy blood in my line… which explains a bit.

I suspect there’s many layers involved in my need to lay on my bed. The human body continues to amaze me. It’s amazed me all my life.

So this moving… another adventure… pulling up my roots… letting go… believe and trust in self… understanding Life… feeling it… trusting it.

Home and family… over this Cancer Full Moon… has been off the scale.

I guess we should be used to it now… this increase in everything as the years progress.

Moving thru the final days/years of an Age… what an extraordinary experience.

We certainly need to take exquisite care of our precious self. No one else can do that for you.

And upgrade the level on that too! 🏵️🏵️

There is nothing more important than you … full stop.

Much love, peace and happiness to you💛💝💛

3rd last day before the numbers change… hence the energetic frequency. Imagine how many people write the date everyday day… all over the globe😀

It creates a frequency. Well, everything creates a frequency.

Then each year we get older… years click by on our tenancy agreement. One life – one chance – one opportunity. No pressure thou😀

There’s that special blue sky outside here at present… scattering of white fluffy clouds. Sun is warm and soft and bright, wind is carrying some cool. Weather noticeably changing.

Tide coming in… filling up the estuary. Maybe a swim when tide is high.

There’s a lot of people about… being summer holidays in a holiday town.

Gosh… so much uncertainty. So much unknown. But we have our selves… our little geiger counter in a secure place inside… so direction is always there…

We don’t get taught to trust that… not in our growing developing years. It’s important.

I’m still remembering to honour and trust myself… it’s been a life long journey. It’s a constant remembering. Like all the good things…

We get distracted. Man… how we get distracted. It’s gone beyond epidemic levels (ugh… ‘that’ word😒)

Coming back home to ourselves

I’m grabbing a few more doing nothing days… before more activity. My pace is sooo much slower than it was. And I luv it. Life can be exhausting… as well as divine😊

About 5 weeks and I’m out of here… this move has been a big one. Monsters peeking out the cracks at times…

Yes ~ all good in the scheme of things. I’ve uncovered sooo much in my time here with the ocean… snuggled in the mangroves… sitting at the edge of the magnificent Simpson’s Creek.

What a 5 yrs it’s been. Filled with so much peak experience…

My life really has been the most amazing story.

But yes… some of those experiences… Just as well we’re so brave.

The terror… the old and ancient terror… been buried deep for so long. Seeping out the cracks.

The Cicarda’s are singing to me outside… I’m lying on my bed… outside is beautiful but I’m needing more close and intimate nurturing at present.

They probably don’t have Cicarda’s in Tasmania (I haven’t checked)… I luv them so much and will miss them.

I’ve not been to Tasmania… it’s first for a visit… needing some restoration space after my delicate ending.

I luv that I’m brave…

I desire to luv myself even more…in that there is salvation.

Wishing you all lotsa love and special wishes to manifest💜🌺💜

Thank the Goddess for the cannabis plant… is all I can say😊😊

Hopefully our archaic systems catch up…

What a week… few weeks, months, years…

Surely by now we’ve realised just how awesome we really are. We’re still here… alive and breathing (synonymous of course🤓)

The Bill of Sale for the cabin has been 🎉signed🎉… a few things still to be done but it’s another (major) step in this tender time of endings and saying goodbye.

Endings can bring so much to the surface. Somethings deeply buried get stirred. I was aware there was one ‘event’ I hadn’t ‘gone back’ to yet. It had been safely buried and I wasn’t ready.

But to get through to this next sacred chapter of my life… she needed to be released. Brought into the sacred chamber of my heart space. The light shone in this forgotten deep dark hole.

I know I’m courageous… I’m also smart.

Then there’s timing… that’s a reality. And how perfect it is… and important. We can’t force anything.

Nature is our greatest teacher… and protector. Our nurturer, provider and guide.

Our heads lead us astray.

There is so much movement inside me at present. I’m so grateful to be alive. So grateful for myself… all I’ve been given. Everything provided for me.

And our sensational home Earth.

I had two therapy appointments this morning… before the signing. Both special therapists of mine. In one of the sessions that long ago deeply buried part was invited to come into the light.

Healing is such a powerful journey… I’m forever stunned with what is possible. How sensational this human body is.

I’m so grateful for my journey… for my magickal self… for everything.

Solstice Eve and Magick stirs deeply at our core.

Never settling for anything but the Very BEST of the best of the best.

No compromises on that🧙‍♀️🧡🧙‍♀️.

Lotsa Love🧡🥰🧡

Today’s my beautiful boy’s birthday. Yesterday I ‘went back’ to that evening… I’d invited all my girlfriends around for dinner. They’d all come together to scrub and shine the new flat I’d just moved into. I was ready to pop… delivery day was imminent. It appeared… baby was a bit hesitant in coming out… I was presumably overdue.

I was having a home birth… I was so happy about that. I was thirty six and back in 1984 that was considered old to be giving birth for the first time. Jeez… at 36 I was pretty fit.

What I was remembering was my giggles as the first contractions appeared… all my girlfriends still there, chatting after dinner. I was going into labour. The midwife was called.

The giggles of course morph into things way bigger… as the time progresses. But I’ll always remember that morning… sun was rising… some brave girlfriends still there… as I began to push. My friend who was supposed to be taking pics… fainted. I’ll always hear my dear French friend’s lovely voice repeating ‘maraleen… eh’s talking, eh’s talking.’

I was writing pages in my journal this morning… remembering that time back then and the journey of my life these last 38yrs.

Now bravely conjuring another adventure… everything changes all the time. We learn new ways. This major epoch we’re wizzing through together… is demanding this.

I learn new ways of being me… I’m always in the here and now. What an outstanding adventure life is. I’m soooo glad I have a glimmer of the enthusiasm I used to see so clearly when my son was a child. I need that flame… to keep my flame going. It gets dim at times… I get a bit world weary… I’m always active in one way or another.

Even if it’s consciously resting.

Self Love will be our saviour… and we continue learning. Love and nurturing are so so important.

Much Love… 🌺🐸🌺