Gentle Okayness 💚💚

I need to be ever present,  and aware of how I use my body.

The Ortho-Bionomy session was amazing.  So skilled and gifted the therapist.   We ‘pair’ really well.

A time of finding, creating a new foundation… on which to rest, live and be.  My foundation prior had been built on centuries of pain and heartbreak.

It morphed into my cells… settled and formed in my bones.  It became me, but wasn’t me.  Wasn’t even a tug of war… it became a stalemate; a paralysis of time and space.  Interwoven, intertwined into everything.  But underneath the original imprint remained.  It’s heartbeat faint,  existing in a suspended state.  Stiff, unbending… held in another time.  Like Sleeping Beauty encased in glass.

The Faerie Godmother then touched me with her magick wand… and broke the spell.

So much unfolded in this masterful session.  My left leg, paralysed so long ago… presented in such an exquisite way.   So pure, untouched and sacred.  Carrying the innocence of long ago.  The ‘opening’ of my left hip in the previous session created a visceral foundation of strength… a new possibility of being.  

The connection between my shoulder and neck with my hips and sacrum.  The pain was intense.  The body stores everything… on all levels of experience.   The deep, deep pain in my solar plexus…  so old, so ancient, so constricted, so buried; so painful.

The unravelling continues… impassioned by the desire to be who I am.

We are way more courageous than we understand.  To strive for more,  to turn around and face the ghosts; those shadows that’ve walked with us for so long… those things we’ve been running from.

The Hero’s journey takes courage, yes… but what other option is there?

It’s innate in us to return home to our self.

 

marilyn 💖💖💖

Advertisements

Brewing in the cauldron

The pic above was not taken by me (author unknown) and I’m not sure how this image relates to this post ~ ‘Brewing in the cauldron’.  Maybe incidental… yet  I know there’s no such thing.

Many were super excited and thrilled to see these beautiful flags appear on the Brunswick Heads bridge; crossing the river to the beach.  I didn’t get to see them up front and personal…  they were only there for two days.  A neighbour alerted me to their sudden appearance… ‘have you seen the flags down on the car bridge?’ he said excitedly.   His emotions beaming off him.

Such beautiful flags… I was hoping they’d become a permanent fixture.  But alas, not yet.  Maybe this is something ‘brewing in the cauldron’.  Getting ready to birth.

I guess what’s ‘brewing’ is all around… taking the time needed to allow the magick to unfold.  The alchemical process of life.  The natural laws of Life always governing.  Moving with these forces, aligning our self with their rhythm and movement… creates a flowing existence for everything.

Seems such a fine line at times.  Allowing the gentle unfolding, the ‘brewing’ I feel stirring inside me.  And keeping an eye on resistance and procrastination.  ‘Cause really… I’m never going to be perfect enough, so may as well begin right now.  This moment of now will never repeat.  It’s a hard one to get my head around.

We’re perfectly imperfect.  And ain’t that grand.  Would be a real pain to have perfect people running around; eeek the thought… Stephford Wives on steroids.

No, imperfect we are.  But turning our gaze inside for a bit… feeling the movement and swirl of these creations getting ready to birth.  Inside our body.  Bit like the cosmos itself… birthing, creating, bringing to life.  In the magick way only it knows how.

Life is amazing, fascinating and awesome.  We are part of the cosmos… we’re created from Star matter.  We are one with everything… same Life Force running though our veins.  Same magick constantly happening… Creation constantly in motion.

Last year was big.  And yes, the year before that and the year before that.  Last year ~ inspired and guided by the great benevolent hand of Life, I turned and faced my demons.  Shadows that had long been hidden.   Everything seeks inclusion and wholeness.  Every part of us seeks love, acceptance and healing.

My motivation and ‘courage’ in choosing such a thing was healing the ocean.  I know that may sound super idealistic…  I am an ‘idealist’ (an INFJ in Myers Briggs).  But it wasn’t blind faith… I need to see and hear and feel.  My Earth Sun and Moon bestow that primary focus on me.

My heritage and  gifts blessed me with heightened sensory perception.  Meaning… at times I see and hear and feel ‘behind the veil’.  The non-material, the unmanifest.  I don’t think this is particularly peculiar for a human to experience… I’m sure animals and other forms of natural life experience this heightened perception.

‘I got the message’ so to speak…  it’s like an impulse that stirs deep inside and I know I need to respond.  I need to listen, to act, to ask, to proceed.

Yes ‘healing the oceans’ was my inspiration to saying yes to the intense coaching training programme offered.  The journey’s been deep.  Working with Tantric and Somatic techniques and principles… diving deep into my body and psyche.

I uncovered things I’d not known existed.  Shadow pieces operating in my unconscious… that never saw the light of day.  Except of course reflected in the things I attracted into my life.  As we are so we live, as we are aware we create.  As we do so we become.  As we feel so we manifest.

Was it brave… I’ve seen this quote often (author unknown):

‘Family dysfunction rolls down from generation to generation, like a fire in the woods, taking down everything in its path until one person in one generation has the courage to turn and face the flames.  That person brings peace to their ancestors and spares the children that follow.’ 

I understand that it happens that way… but is it courageous?  In a way yes.  But I don’t see it that way.  We are one part of a continuum…  a part of a tribe, family, community.  We are part of Earth’s community.  I didn’t set out to heal my family line.  I heard a call and I responded.

My sensitivity allows me to go deeper… a knowing and a sense arose showing me that this path was a great healing path.  The next step in my healing and thus the healing of the whole.  My love and deep sense of connection with the Earth is natural for me. To care, to love, to honour, to be a part of… is a natural response for a human being.

How can we feel disconnected with life if we are a part of it?

Anyways… it’s brewing.  All the deep diving last year, the deep, deep rest of January… the learning; a new pace to move and approach everything.  To trust myself.  To give myself time… to focus on my internal world and watch it manifest into the here and now.

I don’t think we ever stop learning and evolving… and thank god for that.

Donning my witches hat, stirring with my favourite giant wooden spoon; the bubbling, smoking, licentious, magickal steaming brew.  Manifestation in process.  All super exciting… when I remember.

Wishing you all you wish for your wondrous Self ❤️❤️❤️

I’m ready, I’m ok, I accept, I acknowledge

The appointment with the doctor, the nervous tension that’s been building… as the day approached.  No reminder text arrived, maybe they’ve forgotten me.  Has happened before.  Opening time not till later… decided to do fluid body activation practice to calm my nervous system.  Activating the fluid body stimulates the parasympathetic system.  I’m learning to move to this place more and more.  After years of heightened arousal.

It was a deep and potent experience.  Lots came up.  My Ortho-bionomy and Energy awareness enable me to observe and work with my spine in a more focused way.

It’s obvious the lack of response, the paralysis (past) of my left side.  And the contraction and tightness of my right side.

Doing this practice more regularly, as well as activating my fluid body/fascia and parasympathetic nervous system… I can work on my spine with Ortho-bionomy and energy work.

That ‘time’ came up.  My little girl.  My inner child that lives and exists within me. The one I often think of as ‘someone else’.  It’s hard to know her as me.  Yet she is.

I observed, I allowed, I accepted, I acknowledged, I Loved.  My intention in the Deep Rest work was – ‘I Love the Beauty of My Being’.

Everything I’ve done – all the training, learning, experience, trials and tribulations. All the suffering, all the loss, all the pain and anguish.  All the sacrifice, all the victimhood, all the anger, all the rage.  All the depression, all the loneliness, all the joy, all the happiness.  Everything is for my healing.

So I can be whole once again.

I have so much to be proud of, so much to be grateful for; so much to cherish, admire and adore.  I am a wonder, a miracle… a precious life in evolution.  I am blessed and loved beyond what I could ever imagine. I truly am a child of god… one lovingly and personally created by the Great Life Force itself.  That one beating Heart of Life… the Love from which everything originates.

I am mercy, I am compassion, I am unity and can never be divided.  I am whole, I am complete.  I am knowledge, I am wisdom.  I am everything and will be forever more. I am a speck, so tiny… and yet so powerful and great.  I am created to be everything.

That practice this morning uncovered so much… the separation between me and my little girl.  The distance that’s been created… the locked doors and impenetrable walls.  The hiding, so much hiding.  The fear that had frozen my blood creating cracks in my artery walls.  The stiffness, the immobility, the paralysis… the wish to die.  To end the suffering, to alleviate the pain.  To stop the harassment… to forget, to forget.

But we never forget, we never forget.  All that ever was exists in my body… calling out, crying out to be given a seat at the table in my heart.

I’ve taken off the shades, taken the cotton from my ears, opened my eyes, removed my arms from around my chest.  I’m ready, I’m ok, I accept, I acknowledge.  I know no fear… it’s only a shadow.  Look for the Light… welcome it in.

I feel the beat of the drums… so sacred, so healing.  Their beat and rhythm synchronising my heart waves.  My home, my life… been waiting for all along.  I sing, I rejoice.  I’m home once again.

I love myself truly… every cell, every atom.  Every molecule, every hair, every nail, bone and membrane.  I love it all.  It’s a miracle I exist.

Most importantly – I accept myself.  I invite my self to sit in the throne of my Heart.  I am me and I live on planet Earth.  I celebrate my existence.

much love to you 💚🧚‍♂️💚

Gunna, gunna ~ never manifests

Azalea Cerise Deva-line Flower Essence ~ ‘brewing’ in the sun.

Azalea Cerise …  a very potent remedy ~ the Divine Feminine energy of Love, come to sooth my soul.  Divine and Royal Queen of the Night, full of beauty, she comes to heal my heart.   She gives me a glimpse of where I’ve traveled.  She encourages me to have compassion for myself, to allow the healing.   At my lowest point the help is there, surrendering control accepting the assistance.   Azalea Cerise reveals the magick behind living.  I am never alone.  I will always be guided to that which is best for me.  The love for me is eternal.

Glimpses of where I’ve travelled… during my Jade Egg practice this morning.  I drifted back to that brave little girl that got me through, so I could be here… at seventy years old.  I often think of her as her, not me.  But it’s me.  It’s me that had that courage and faith.  It’s me that had that will and strength.  It’s me who was so incredibly brave, for one so small.  It’s me that’s got me here.  It’s me that is and always has been so powerful and so wise.

Yes it’s easy to forget.  It’s easy to get caught up in what’s wrong.  It’s easy to get enmeshed in the web of separation; to the lack of unity, to judgement and comparison.

But then it’s easy to be here now.  What do we need to release, to let go… to sink deeply into this moment of time.  To where I am here and now.

Life can be distracting ~ these days more than ever.  Everyone wants our attention… it’s gone from billboards to our bedrooms and lounge rooms.  Even time you click on that device, in they pour… hands waving, crowds pushing forward… everyone wants a piece of you.

Searching for happiness in all the wrong places.

I began this post with ‘gunna, gunna ~ never manifests’… well that’s procrastination. Putting off for the day that never comes.  And then what, we die before we get the chance.  I’ve seen it, I know it.  What does it take to wake us from our frozen state, our fear… of what?  Not good enough, not enough, not enough.

It’s 2019 ~ and tsunami size waves are heading toward us.  Change is approaching on scales we’ve not experienced.  It’s not about fear, but curiosity and openness… what new ways do we need to learn, what do we need to let go off?  How can we dig deep, what tools do we need?  What do we long for, what do we ache for?  What do we want at the core of our self?  Who we are when we stand alone?  Who is our highest and brightest self?  How can we be all that we know?  How can we connect with the great Heart of Life?  I feel her, I get lost in her sometimes.  It’s exquisite that feeling of uniting with everything.

What’s calling us, wanting us… from inside us?  What does it mean, how does it feel to be a real human being?  How can we become the highest manifestation of ourselves?

Wishing you a year of great discoveries and wondrous moments of luxuriating in your own deep restful cave.

much love ~ marilyn 🙏

 

Sweet & Sour Surrender 🌺

November’s nearly always big.  Scorpio can pack a mighty punch.  Pluto’s not known for his gentle bedside manner.  ‘It’s going…’ he booms.  Resistance is not only futile ~ but deadly.   Our body’s on high alert…  our nervous system in bloody shreds;  our gut twisted in metal chords.   Our brain a sizzle… our breath ready to depart. Fighting Pluto is never wise.

I’ve always been a fighter… my innate will is monumental.  It’s got me through some major pit stops… life and death is his domain.   But there comes a time when those weapons need to be placed to the side.  What in our self are we resisting?  ‘Cause it’s always an internal story.

Oh yeah ~ it appears to be attacking from the outside.  And yes there are many things we have no control over.  Most things actually.  Accept for how we feel, what we choose… how we respond and what we walk toward.  In essence the power always lies with us.

We’re all pretty much in the same boat ~ us humans.  At least in our internal worlds. I reckon that’s where the magick lies.  And it’s really truly the time… to let that magick shine.  That potent power that exists within this magnificent body of ours. Right here, right now.

The outside world will rock and roll… structures and systems will change.  They will. There’s possibly huge changes heading our way.  It’s more important than ever… to sink deeply into our self.  Immerse in that deep well of Love and care… of being, of knowing, of celebrating, of rejoicing.  We have everything we need… including the strength to walk through the rough spots.  We’re way more powerful than we think. Time to unveil our magick.

much love ~ marilyn ❤️🌺❤️

Taking care of our magnetic fields 🌺

That A-board will be with me again in a few weeks ~ out of storage after two years.  Moving and change ~ moving especially, seems particularly sensitive for me and my body.

Is it caring too much ~ feeling too much?  Too much thinking ~ an avalanche of processing.  Way too much, too much… too much of everything.  How does a gentle body contain it all?

I need a lot of chilling.  No wonder they brought me here right by the river… lulled by the ocean, as it embraces the shore.  Virgo Sun, Gemini Ascendant ~ both ruled by Mercury; air ~the mind ~communication, connection, assimilation, digestion, the nervous system.

Then there’s all those bloody Rats… and a Rooster (Chinese Astrology’s Four Pillars ~ time/day/month/year) .  That’s a mighty active vocal creature.  The power of force behind those words.  And yes Rat’s nervous systems are hyper sensitive.

Add all the psychic stuff ~ those ridiculous antennae that pick up everything.  In the minutest detail.  Which of course the mind is incapable of perceiving… so they all just tumble in as feelings and sensations in my body.

Chill, chill, chill.  Grounding to Earth.  Living in my body.  Having warmth and love around me.  Feeling my belonging.  Safe in my environment.  Held, loved, nurtured and caressed.  I/myself requires my focus.

It’s time to re-unite with our body.  She holds the key to everything.

Means slowing down… letting go.  Being vulnerable (that scary word), being open and speaking our truth.  And most of all ~ magnificently caring for our most wonderful self.  Yeah it’s a tall order.  But we’re not going to get ahead with anything less.

These times will not permit it.  These ‘times’ have moved on.  Of course we can’t see it… we can only see the remains of the old.   The physical and energetic have separated hence why we’re all feeling a bit torn apart.  It’s tough on the nervous system.

Evolution ~ the Master of Time moves at the speed he dictates.  We’re either willing participants or we get carried along for the ride… dragged in pieces mainly.

Our body ~ our sacred vehicle… the answers lie within.  It’s really the only place our genius hasn’t yet truly explored.  We travel out and out into space… can we travel in, to an even greater miracle world… inside our body.

The times ahead could be tough for some.  When empires tumble the shock waves reverberate out.  Shock is hard on the body.  We’ve journeyed too far from our centre core… Life/Evolution/The One/Source, has its own ways.  Is propelled by a mega genius intelligence we will never fathom with our intellect.

These are times for humility, acceptance and honouring.  We are a part of the whole ~ but we are not the whole.  Just a tiny drop.  But how powerful, how magnificent, how inspiring… is that tiny drop of everything.

much love ~ marilyn ❤️🌺❤️

 

 

 

Honouring our Moon 🌙

Where does it come from?

This deep well of sadness and loneliness.  Oh yes ~ I feel love and joy.  I understand ~ even if a tad intellectualised, that I can choose.  In this moment I can choose how I want to be… how I want to feel.

Yet ~ when something comes knocking again and again and again… it’s wanting a voice.  It’s wanting space to be seen and heard.

Every part of us is alive ~ has conscious awareness, knowing and presence.  It exists for a reason.  And it cries out to be heard.

Oh yes… Capricorn Moon.  Meaning ~ at the moment of my birth our Lunar Goddess was visiting the sign of Capricorn.  Cappie’s (Capricorn) can be harsh (or so it may appear)… so focused on the goal, on getting there.  So needing to have all the pieces efficient and purposeful.  So needing to manage and direct.

Capricorn is ambitious.  Deep down what motivates him is his insatiable desire for Ascension.  To reach the heights… the pinnacle of his life.  To go where no-one has before.  To leave his mark.  To see his efforts and hours of solid labour manifest in form before him.

We’re more familiar with the earthy nature of Capricorn… his tenacity, solid core measured steps… and sometimes chilly aloofness.  His mind is on the goal.  The climb is steep and can be treacherous.  He knows where he’s going and intends to get there… to plant his flag at the pinnacle… to stake his accomplishment.  He needs to reach the highest point possible… within his evolutionary potential.

But he’s also known as the Sea-Goat… a mystical mythical creature that is half goat, half fish.  So under that firm and seemingly impenetrable exterior is a creature that dives deep in the mysterious world of feelings and emotions.  If only he could express them.  Is that why he’s so focused on reaching his mountain peak?  He needs to find his Shangrila.

Do you know what Moon sign governs your emotional nature… do you understand how to satisfy her needs.  In what ways does she speak to you?  Are there ways in which you can get to know her more?  How do you nurture her?

Feel free to comment below.

❤️❤️❤️ marilyn