It’s hard… 😔💛

This is about my fourth attempt… everything sounds far away, trying to analyse, give some kind of meaning. When really it’s mostly emotional.

Virgo, Gemini, Capricorn aren’t known for their free flow of emotions. My ‘make-up’ tends to go to my head.

When everything feels different. And you feel like your being in a whole new person. You’re not who you were… and also not who you’re becoming. Bit like our world that is spinning in transition at present.

Talk about a double whammy.

There are moments when the letting go feels excruciating. I’d thought I’ve experienced that deep grief of leaving something so special… but heh, I guess everything keeps on spiralling.

It’s like there’s no way back. Oh boy, have I had that experience before. And the door to what’s ahead is still closed. You find yourself trembling in your boots on the step of the closed door, too scared to knock. You’ve no idea what’s on the other side.

Fear they say is a common human emotion. I’ve often considered fear to be my primary emotion… connecting to the kidneys which have too been a sensitive part of my energetics.

The virus I had as a child gave them a bit of a wallop… plus the associated trauma. I’ve been so taken care of… with my body’s super power of renewal. She’s truly a wonder.

Viruses… I’ve had a few, and my body is still taking care of me. She’s certainly impressive.

Just 10 days now out of the Covid haze… what a journey that is. Everything keeps on changing. I’m standing in a new space. It’s both fascinating and terrifying.

My home has sold… packing boxes everywhere. I don’t know where to next. I wonder why I do this to myself. And in my f**king three quarter century year… which is simply wild (I think😮).

Everything has changed… I’ve experienced this before. The intensity of it… the both visual and visceral experience of it. The holding on for grim death… being yanked to let go. Resisting, terrified.

I’m such a mixture of so much. Such depth to my feeling nature. An innate need for freedom… space to experience and explore… be all of me. This lust for life.

It’s a wild ride.

I hope some of this makes sense…

To bravery and courage… and joy in letting go… allowing room for more of me to be.

Much Love🧡🌺🧡