It’s not easy allowing things to just be. Because we rub up against each other… causing a friction, some response or reaction.
I lay in bed last night attempting to sleep… my frightened and panicking little girl could not be quietened.
I tried the things I do… still no success. I did some tapping… it’s worked for me before. But what came out ~ the words from my mouth ~ were incredibly revealing.
I became aware of latent trauma in action.
It’s easy to be harsh… expect more of our self. Rise the bar of what will be tolerated. What is acceptable. What makes ‘sense’. Our small child whimpers and cries… but mostly we’re unconscious of her presence.
Our child that lives inside of us.
Much of the time I’m completely unaware of the internal triggers that are causing the freakout… the response, the reaction. The outside events that cannot be reasoned away… or distanced from, to demonstrate clear and common sense. Clear and logical thinking.
No… nothing so superfical will quieten her when she’s awakened .
We live in a world connected to so many things. People, places, rules and regulations. Leaders, workers ~ all in between. Relationship is a constant state of being. We have a relationship with everything. Our interaction, our relationship, our connection to this ‘thing’ (whatever it is) creates an impact… which affects us in a most own unique and personal way.
There is no one size fits all.
Relationship is our greatest teacher. The opening of a door on a deeper level inside us.
I’m trauma aware… both in my personal life and in my training and ‘work’. I’m energy sensitive… so I can often feel it and see it. I am not a trauma expert. But I have considerable experience within it.
Past events don’t disappear. Never really go away. They’re a building block of our very structure. A melody that plays through our aura. A light, a colour. A shape. A personality.
There are techniques, ways of approaching that can lessen the charge created by these lingering events, now lodged in the physical. And some can be very impactful. But some level of that memory, that reliving, that tender part of me will always be there.
Learning to Love myself, truly love myself… more and more deeply, has been a lifetime journey. An (often) unconscious mission. But one I’ve become more consciously aware of these last few years.
We move in degrees… the more conscious we are of what we want, who we are and where we desire to be… can facilitate this leap in awareness and state of being.
Charges to our traumatic pieces (lodged in our physical body) hurt when they are activated. It’s like some part of me is right back there… experiencing it all.
Often the signature of these unconscious repeating events… is their intensity. It’s as if my very life is threatened… that I’m facing annihilation. All the alarms are screaming.
We all carry trauma ~ psychological, physical and emotional memories, to various degrees of intensity.
The passage of time we as a global community are currently walking through (in some manner or another) is highly activating. And can and is reactivating many things in many people.
We need kindness and love. Understanding. True intelligence. Compassion. Care.
Not swords and blood and wars. Judgements and separations. And please lighten up on the sarcasm… ‘the lowest form of wit’. A bugbear of mine😠
I’d not visited the place I went last night. Amidst the screaming, the pleading alarms, the intensity of response… that level of captivity, I clearly saw why. I saw the bleeding scar… the depth of the vulnerability. The sweet and oh so deeply tender, delicate and priceless vulnerability.
The wound, the shock, the confusion… replaying, reconnecting to times before. Other events. Stamped clearly. Solidly weaved in the framework of my mortal existence.
Doesn’t mean I can’t be happy… of course. But I can become aware of the deeper layers of my self. I can see and understand the presence of my vulnerability. Learning to be even more kind… deeply kind, to my self. To love my self like I never have.
I believe that’s a lifetime mission.
Give myself time… give myself space. Get all the love where and when I can. Store myself up with mountains of Light and Love.
Globally we’re not out of the woods. Seems ‘things’ are still heating up… becoming bigger, more. I sense there’s much on the horizon. On many levels.
There’s no way of escaping it… at least not physically. We all Iive here on Earth. It’s probably a great time to store up and gather all our internal resources. Make it a priority during this passage.
I’ve been feeling for a while and saying it often. ‘I think things are going to happen a lot faster than we’ve expecting’.
I’m no expert… on anything. I mean what does an ‘expert’ even mean? When I was young I thought about the word intelligence a lot. I heard the word spoken a lot. I was called intelligent. I looked at others that were called intelligent. And something didn’t gel. Didn’t fit. From where I was standing, what I was seeing the things that were being labeled ‘intelligent’ didn’t look intelligent to me at all.
I never really did get to the bottom of it (logically that is😃)… except to sense that real intelligence was more connected to wisdom. Connected to knowing. Not just the repeating of things we read and learn… other people’s words (not our own). Our own knowing can never be disputed.
It’s a vital part of our self we’ve lost touch with. It’s truly time for a revival.
Trauma. Love. Compassion. Tenderness. Vulnerability. Caring. Kindness.
Moving to another level of being human.
Much love 💜🧖♀️💜