Day five… of ‘stopping’. Yesterday I rarely left my bed. The tiredness descended… felt super heavy. Hard to keep my eyelids lifted. And it was such a gorgeous day… those perfect winter days here in the north (NSW OZ). Maximum 20… the breeze still carrying the chill from the snowfields. The Sun deliciously warm. Sky ~ our perfect Ozzie Blue.
But I needed to be horizontal on my bed. I viewed it all from my generous bay window.
There’s a bit happening in the galactic field… our planetary neighbours. Sun slowing down preparing to ‘reverse’… head up north. Winter Solstice tomorrow. These next few days while Moon moods in sexy deep magnetic Scorpio… there’s an increase in planetary activity.
Jupiter ~ great Zeus, King of the Gods… Neptune ~ Magickal Mystery Tour guide… and our dear familiar heady trickster friend Mercury all changing direction.
Nothing moves or changes in isolation.
Feels like things are unravelling. Things inside me. My focus has become more internal, insular. As I am, thus is my world.
Night before last… delivering me into that super heavy exhausted space yesterday… I had a strange dream. I was witnessing a traumatic event… a woman and her baby being hunted by a predatory male.
But there was some distance… my body wasn’t activated, experiencing all the emotions. It was as if I was witnessing it. It was close, but not directly impacting me.
I’d wake from time to time during the dream. When I did there was this strange sense of detachment from what I’d witnessed. My body wasn’t sounding the alarm… activating my flight and fight. The hormonal chemicals weren’t surging through my body. And there was the strangest sense of ticking something off. Ticking a box.
I’d go back to sleep and return to the dream.
The dream didn’t grab me and make me a part of it… didn’t activate my organs, send alarm signals in my brain. When I woke and finally got up I just felt exhausted. Super heavy. Hence the whole day in bed.
I tried figuring it out… with the limited mental energy available. It was a mystery at first. I just didn’t get it… yet it felt significant. As it settled more… I saw something more clearly.
I’d spent the last five weeks… ticking off boxes (finishing my Tantra Major).
I’d been doing tons of practices, heaps of couple coaching… and ticking off boxes.
The dream… the traumatic event I witnessed, the woman and her baby, the predator… witnessed yet from a distance. This was something rising up from inside me.
I don’t need to know where. Or who. Or How. Like bubbles releasing, matter unfolding, energetic masses dispersing… you get a glimpse of them as they materialise for just a second. Before they head off to reunite back to energy source.
We carry a lot inside us. Maybe that’s why we like to keep busy. You know how it feels when you stop. Stopping for just a few minutes. I feel it each time I sit down to do yoga. It comes rising up…. whatever I’m feeling underneath it all. It’s often surprising.
Giving the space to unravel. Allowing time to wind down. Allowing the process to do what it needs to do. Allowing the integration… creating space for the new to rise.
Life’s a magickal thing… it really is. And way more multi-dimensional that we ever consider.
Down at dawn this morning… I remember as I often do… the day Ocean came up to my front door… and the journey that flowed from that. I watched it as it slid smoothly over the tops of the mountains. In front of my open front door it stood… beckoning me, instructing me to come.
Five years… and significant years they’ve been. They always are. But these last five years for me have taken me closer into my Crone years. A whole new chapter.
It was the Spirit of Ocean of course… not the water itself. That’s how it is being me… I see energy. I’m trained in it…. but it’s also a natural gift. An inherited trait.
Seeing energy as if it’s taken a form is possible. It happens. We’re young in our collective evolution… and the use and awareness of our natural abilities as a human being.
I’ve had a lifetime of learning about trusting… I wasn’t a willing student. As I’ve often shared… I called myself ‘Doubting Thomas’ for years. I had heightened senses… saw and heard things that made no sense in the ‘real world’. How do you explain them? How are they possible?
My therapist/psychologist gave a pyschologist’s explanation… really helped my left brain settle. ‘Analytic personalities are often clairaudient and clairvoyant’ she said. Well… I sighed, it’s normal.
Ocean called I came… it’s four and a half years… nearly five by the time I leave here.
Why was I called? Not sure I’ll ever know the depths of it. Be able to put it away in a neatly filed box.
I’m not who I was when I came… I’m five years older. I’ve shifted. I’ve changed. I’ve come home more to myself.
I took the Tantra journey. I went back, relived things. I went to the familiar edge… my body struggled dealing with it all. I studied, I committed, I showed up day after day after day. Did thousands of practices. Well it felt like that.
I bought my first sex toys. A requirement for our training😃.
I learned to love myself more.
I slowed down even more.
I read heaps of novels… I watched lots of series on Iview and SBS.
I rode my bike to magickal places. Brunswick Heads has a lot of them. Of course they’re everywhere.
Winding down… feeling it all. Giving space… and Time (my precious time)… to honour the process. New life evolving.
I was willing… I love that about myself. I’m quietly driven… for myself. For my internal evolution, my internal truth. I’m committed. I’m curious… I keep going. I’m hungry for life.
The Healing Journey is a big part of me. I started early. It’s been a major focus.
I’m not keen on the spotlight… don’t like bright lights… I luv my cave. I rest in solitude… feeling a part of everything. Communing with Life… feeling its majesty… it’s closeness, it’s intimacy. It’s never ceasing love and care.
One life is short. Not enough to understand and meet it all. We have the time we do… to get on with it. Precious moments that keep slipping by.
So many distractions… so much mediocrity. So much blah blah.
Underneath… the magnificence. The bounty. The treasure.
Tomorrow (down here) we say bye bye to Sun for a while… as he focuses his radiant strength on our friends up north. We settle in by the fire… ponder, remember, slow down. Digest all that’s past.
Our peak times of activity are moving away… for us southern folk. We’re being welcomed into the bosom of our cave. Our cave… our sacred space.
Life activity continues… especially in our modern worlds… while the cycles of life continue their rhythm. Repeating… yet never being the same.
It feels magickal to be in flow… really feel a part of it.
Day five… looking like another on my bed. My body feels weighty. Going to have to cancel that invitation… don’t have energy to spare, to share with others.
lotsa love…. 💋🧖♀️💋