This Solstice crossing has been a big one. The biggest I think I remember feeling. The day itself… Monday here, felt magickal. There was this personal visceral sense that vibrated in my body. It felt incredibly special.
I replied to a friend ‘Yes I’m feeling it. So rich, still and present. I feel the spaciousness… this wholeness. All of me.’
My friend Kate had written… ‘this is a time where the celestial cycles draw you closer into your centre… with an invitation to examine what you truly hold in your heart.’ Kate Rydge
I knew what she was saying… it was happening inside me.
I felt like I wanted to stop everything… just immerse in this feeling, these sensations.
The day unfolded.
The days following that special Solstice Crossing… that immersion into a brand new invitation, a peek at where we’re heading… what’s waiting for us…. have been somewhat combobulating.
I’ve heard enough to see it’s not just me… so many have been feeling this energetic presence these last few days. This last week.
For me… I felt exhausted. I mean, even more than before. Like the energy sucked out of me. And a kind of tension pushing in from the sides.
Didn’t have the energy to even try diagnosing it… trying to analyse or give it some meaning.
Trusting the process… allowing the space for all to be. To become, to remove, to continue… to the next frontier.
Yesterday waiting for my friend to arrive… I almost cancelled. My tank felt empty. I had little to give. But by the time I considered it felt too late to pull the plug… so decided to come as I am. No frills or pretence.
Or cleaning the house before😃😃 (YaY… there’s been growth🎉🎉)
Lying horizontal… feet elevated on the cushion, my head sinking in another… I grabbed my journal and pen.
I scribbled… in a big and generous script…
‘I have nothing to sell – but I have everything to become
I’m alone, stationary, still – but I’m connected, surrounded… empty and full both at the same time
I wander – yet I’m always found. I’m unique and I’m the same
I’m separate and joined
I’m ecstatic, I’m sad
I’m still – stopped – fast and moving
I’m a whole host of things
That are finite yet infinite
I know – yet I’m ignorant
I have so much – I know so little
I walk, I crawl. I distinguish – I forget
I’m forever – I’m now
I will be – I am
I’m never and more
I’m complete. I’m whole
I’m so many things ~
All rolled up ~ in one glitter ball
Life is forever and gone
was – is and will be
wasn’t isn’t and never will be
It’s a . . . . . . . ~ that’s for sure (forgot the word😃)
Wandering – jumping – leaping – strolling
……. And remembering again’.
Hope you have a lovely day… being you like never before ❤️🌷❤️
I made it… down for dawn. How’s it possible that each and every day begins so totally new? Never a repeat. Something brand new approaching you… each time you show up. Each time you say ‘Yes…. I’m game to have a go😃’.
Space ~ god where can I find the words. It’s such an exotic, sublime, totally absorbing… and familiar place. I’m so drawn to it.
Yeah… could ‘explain’ a bit through astrology… an ancient science been walking with me since I was eleven.
The demander of Freedom… a care-less existence, free to reach the heights s/he sees, never surrenders to being small and held and limited. Uranus of course. Ruler of Aquarius… the great Freedom Fighter, Liberation Rebel.
So yes his placement in my birth chart (all very mathematical, Geometrical and mysterious)… the Universe ~ a Master Professor. Blows my mind.
Suffice to say his presence in my personally created energetic matrix … gives a longing, a desire to live within that boundary-less world. Well… Neptune helps with that as well.
I woke early. About five. Mid-winter here (only just past the Winter Solstice)… so Sun doesn’t surface till later. 6.38am today.
It was dark… but I could still see heavy dark clouds above. Rain was about. It wouldn’t be one of those cloudless wonders… awe inspiring miracles… Sun dominating the sky with no interference. Proclaiming his royalty… King of our Solar System. That’s gotta be one of the most magickal sights.
It wasn’t one of those mornings. I rode my trusty rusty bike along the river, over the footbridge, across to the dunes and parked my trusted friend beside a tree…. set there to wait for me. Then that special walk down the long thin track, bush on either side. Damp sand under my feet. Morning stirring… no light yet. Birds rustling, life getting ready to announce.
Up ahead this slash of red. My heart lifted… let out an excited sigh. There’ll be colour after all.
I love that silent walk in the dark… surrounded by trees, life beginning to stir, feet and toes squelching in the sand. Rugged up for winter… breathing in ocean air. I mean… seriously. How lucky can we be?
Yep sky was packed with dark and heavy clouds… but that slash of orange and red… and then the deep inhales of morning fresh ocean air.
The slash of red reflected discreetly on the waves… as they came to kiss the shore. Tide moving away… back out home. They’ll return again later today. They never go far, never leave completely. Each and every day… like this incredible swing holding and caressing us.
I walked for quite a distance. I stopped doing that a while back. The scars I carry from my meeting with the virus… when I was only small, left their mark.
I’ve walked miles and miles… in my time. Always loved that sense of freedom and space when you’re walking… as if the wholeness opens all around you. Brushing past your face.
I’d hunt out bush areas… wherever I lived. I’d always find one. Off I’d trek, immersing myself in their nurturing.
But I walked a long way this morning… walked half way to Byron. The ocean on one side… the nature reserve on the other… the long stretch of sand in front and behind. I was the first one down this morning.
There weren’t many walkers this morning… black heavy clouds threatening… you could see the rain falling on the horizon. There were only a few. One even went in for a swim.
This Space thing. God how could I ever explain it. Find words to come close. This sense of expansiveness. This place of no walls. This endless being… this place so familiar. It’s the most comfortable I feel. It’s like my home.
We meet each other… but there’s no form to interrupt. Nothing gets in the way. It’s so safe. It’s nothing but it’s everything. It’s pure and sacred yet so simple and real.
It’s present. It’s full. It’s intoxicating. It’s enthralling. It sees me, I see it. We merge. We are one yet separate just the same.
It’s coming home. It’s perfect. I want it to be forever. I don’t want to leave it.
So I walked and walked and breathed it all in. What a miracle. They’re happening all the time and we just don’t see them.
Half way back… the gentle rain began… soaking my hair, dribbling down my face. Dampening my coat.
I looked up to the crowded sky… I smiled, I received the blessings of rain.
Still a few keen walkers kept on in their shorts and teeshirts.
I reached my max with walking… time to return to camp. My cute little cabin in the holiday park. Who would’ve thought!
But that could be all about to change.
Leaving behind all the majesty. All the perfection. The newly discovered each and every day. The beauty… ahhh the beauty.
I remind myself it’s everywhere. It’s never not been where I am.
I missed the dawn this morning… had a long much needed sleep. Up just in time to watch the golden glow from my window. I had planned to go… but sleep was good.
It’s hard to know what’s what… what’s the ’cause’, the stimulation that’s provoking a response in you.
There’s the weather, the seasonal cycles, the environment, the community you’re surrounded by. The wifi interference, your own biorhythms. Your daily habits and actions… the food you eat. The substances you consume. What you open yourself to. The outside world you take in. The collective vibe… where we are as a multitude of species living here on Earth. The galactic contribution. The constant movement, interaction and relationship with everything.
Governments, rules and regulations, authority, the maze of things crowding us, bidding for our attention. Stealing bites… bit by bit.
There’s our memories, our current problems. There’s life and death going on around us all the time. There’s lies, there’s promises, there’s cons and deceptions. There’s a whole lot of stuff.
There’s what appears like insanity… bizarreness in extreme. There’s a whole soup of things. There’s Barnaby Joyce… there’s Telstra. Oops 🙈🙉🙊 There’s the whole circus there.
But strangely… very strangely for me, I feel detached.
I just shake my head… how bizarre can it get? Seems there’s no limit.
Oh yeah… there’s the Virus thing.
Detachment was never one of my strong points. I’m a merger. My energetic boundaries are super porous. I’m a feeler. It’s hard to separate me from everything. I don’t feel walls… there’s just open space. No walls out there.
Yes overwhelm’s a thing…. why I spend so much time alone.
Detachment I used to covet. Friends with Moon in Aquarius (for example)… enchanted me. The distance so natural for them, the emotional detachment… fascinating to observe.
It’s a more recent thing… this sense of detachment. Probably a part of the whole unfolding and shifts within me. Giving time and space for processing and integration. I’ve recently experienced integration at a whole new level.
I know I’m lucky to have lazy days. I feel grateful for the way I’ve structured my life.
I’ve done things… lots of things. Created things, built things, studied things, achieved things… improved things. Made things beautiful. I’ve contributed, I’ve shared. I’ve had a go. I’ve kept turning up. I’ve taken risks. I’ve stepped close to the edge. I’ve accomplished. I’ve committed to following my inner voice… she’s never lead me astray. She has such an alluring presence.
I’ve learned to trust… it’s taken a lifetime. I trust the magick I see and hear. I’m led internally. I guess that’s natural for an intuitive… but I’ve been willing, I’ve surrendered. I’ve let go… I’ve trusted the generosity. I’ve walked away from ‘having it all’… honouring the call. I trusted the Force… that invisible direction that’s always whispering. Sometimes insisting.
And I’ve done it all for most of my life. I’m proud of myself for that.
Feels like an ocean of movement currently happening… yet encased within this swirling mass of energetic presence is stillness. Moving deeper into its core.
It’s Winter here in the Southern Hemisphere… perfect time for returning to the cave. Warming yourself by the fire. Allowing the dark to nourish you… time for renewal. Creating space for the seeds of new life. Allowing time… having patience. Trusting the process.
Letting go of striving. Releasing the emergency… I’m grateful for just a taste of it. I’m super grateful for letting go even just a bit.
Day five… of ‘stopping’. Yesterday I rarely left my bed. The tiredness descended… felt super heavy. Hard to keep my eyelids lifted. And it was such a gorgeous day… those perfect winter days here in the north (NSW OZ). Maximum 20… the breeze still carrying the chill from the snowfields. The Sun deliciously warm. Sky ~ our perfect Ozzie Blue.
But I needed to be horizontal on my bed. I viewed it all from my generous bay window.
There’s a bit happening in the galactic field… our planetary neighbours. Sun slowing down preparing to ‘reverse’… head up north. Winter Solstice tomorrow. These next few days while Moon moods in sexy deep magnetic Scorpio… there’s an increase in planetary activity.
Jupiter ~ great Zeus, King of the Gods… Neptune ~ Magickal Mystery Tour guide… and our dear familiar heady trickster friend Mercury all changing direction.
Nothing moves or changes in isolation.
Feels like things are unravelling. Things inside me. My focus has become more internal, insular. As I am, thus is my world.
Night before last… delivering me into that super heavy exhausted space yesterday… I had a strange dream. I was witnessing a traumatic event… a woman and her baby being hunted by a predatory male.
But there was some distance… my body wasn’t activated, experiencing all the emotions. It was as if I was witnessing it. It was close, but not directly impacting me.
I’d wake from time to time during the dream. When I did there was this strange sense of detachment from what I’d witnessed. My body wasn’t sounding the alarm… activating my flight and fight. The hormonal chemicals weren’t surging through my body. And there was the strangest sense of ticking something off. Ticking a box.
I’d go back to sleep and return to the dream.
The dream didn’t grab me and make me a part of it… didn’t activate my organs, send alarm signals in my brain. When I woke and finally got up I just felt exhausted. Super heavy. Hence the whole day in bed.
I tried figuring it out… with the limited mental energy available. It was a mystery at first. I just didn’t get it… yet it felt significant. As it settled more… I saw something more clearly.
I’d spent the last five weeks… ticking off boxes (finishing my Tantra Major).
I’d been doing tons of practices, heaps of couple coaching… and ticking off boxes.
The dream… the traumatic event I witnessed, the woman and her baby, the predator… witnessed yet from a distance. This was something rising up from inside me.
I don’t need to know where. Or who. Or How. Like bubbles releasing, matter unfolding, energetic masses dispersing… you get a glimpse of them as they materialise for just a second. Before they head off to reunite back to energy source.
We carry a lot inside us. Maybe that’s why we like to keep busy. You know how it feels when you stop. Stopping for just a few minutes. I feel it each time I sit down to do yoga. It comes rising up…. whatever I’m feeling underneath it all. It’s often surprising.
Giving the space to unravel. Allowing time to wind down. Allowing the process to do what it needs to do. Allowing the integration… creating space for the new to rise.
Life’s a magickal thing… it really is. And way more multi-dimensional that we ever consider.
Down at dawn this morning… I remember as I often do… the day Ocean came up to my front door… and the journey that flowed from that. I watched it as it slid smoothly over the tops of the mountains. In front of my open front door it stood… beckoning me, instructing me to come.
Five years… and significant years they’ve been. They always are. But these last five years for me have taken me closer into my Crone years. A whole new chapter.
It was the Spirit of Ocean of course… not the water itself. That’s how it is being me… I see energy. I’m trained in it…. but it’s also a natural gift. An inherited trait.
Seeing energy as if it’s taken a form is possible. It happens. We’re young in our collective evolution… and the use and awareness of our natural abilities as a human being.
I’ve had a lifetime of learning about trusting… I wasn’t a willing student. As I’ve often shared… I called myself ‘Doubting Thomas’ for years. I had heightened senses… saw and heard things that made no sense in the ‘real world’. How do you explain them? How are they possible?
My therapist/psychologist gave a pyschologist’s explanation… really helped my left brain settle. ‘Analytic personalities are often clairaudient and clairvoyant’ she said. Well… I sighed, it’s normal.
Ocean called I came… it’s four and a half years… nearly five by the time I leave here.
Why was I called? Not sure I’ll ever know the depths of it. Be able to put it away in a neatly filed box.
I’m not who I was when I came… I’m five years older. I’ve shifted. I’ve changed. I’ve come home more to myself.
I took the Tantra journey. I went back, relived things. I went to the familiar edge… my body struggled dealing with it all. I studied, I committed, I showed up day after day after day. Did thousands of practices. Well it felt like that.
I bought my first sex toys. A requirement for our training😃.
I learned to love myself more.
I slowed down even more.
I read heaps of novels… I watched lots of series on Iview and SBS.
I rode my bike to magickal places. Brunswick Heads has a lot of them. Of course they’re everywhere.
Winding down… feeling it all. Giving space… and Time (my precious time)… to honour the process. New life evolving.
I was willing… I love that about myself. I’m quietly driven… for myself. For my internal evolution, my internal truth. I’m committed. I’m curious… I keep going. I’m hungry for life.
The Healing Journey is a big part of me. I started early. It’s been a major focus.
I’m not keen on the spotlight… don’t like bright lights… I luv my cave. I rest in solitude… feeling a part of everything. Communing with Life… feeling its majesty… it’s closeness, it’s intimacy. It’s never ceasing love and care.
One life is short. Not enough to understand and meet it all. We have the time we do… to get on with it. Precious moments that keep slipping by.
So many distractions… so much mediocrity. So much blah blah.
Underneath… the magnificence. The bounty. The treasure.
Tomorrow (down here) we say bye bye to Sun for a while… as he focuses his radiant strength on our friends up north. We settle in by the fire… ponder, remember, slow down. Digest all that’s past.
Our peak times of activity are moving away… for us southern folk. We’re being welcomed into the bosom of our cave. Our cave… our sacred space.
Life activity continues… especially in our modern worlds… while the cycles of life continue their rhythm. Repeating… yet never being the same.
It feels magickal to be in flow… really feel a part of it.
Day five… looking like another on my bed. My body feels weighty. Going to have to cancel that invitation… don’t have energy to spare, to share with others.
Day two of stopping… it takes some getting use to. So used we are of moving… from one spot to another. Gathering, building… arriving somewhere. Yet when we stop we’re still moving … sometimes over greater distances. We just can’t see it.
‘Integration’ the word we use in my coaching world… whatever gets stirred, uncovered, revealed, newly discovered… opened new spaces need time to be assimilated into the status quo.
Body moves slower than mind.
I know that from my years of Energy Medicine… Body moves at a slower pace, its vibration’s more dense. It’s heavier… it’s solid, it’s matter. Mind can travel at the speed of light… here there and everywhere in the blink of an eye. Well almost.
I’ve moved on. I get glimpses of it from time to time. New avenues, new spaces. They need time to get themselves all here.
Daily it seems…. what use to have significance, seems so old. Out of date…. Sooo yesterday.
Even my learning. I’ve taken in words, ideas and concepts of others, I’ve been taken into a world of their seeing. Captured some of their wisdom. And lots of their beliefs.
In a student state… you’re open. A relatively empty container to be filled. So you drink it all up.
Some things illuminate… others get stuck, they grate… their resonance out of kilter. They don’t flow in your stream. You stay open… you notice. You make note.
Days, weeks, years… you’ve taken in so much stuff… Becoming an ‘Expert’.
How important is that free space after it all?
That interlude of time where there’s only you. You and yours. Where you can sort the wheat from the shaft… very Virgo (my Sun).
All the learning needs to sit around you, not take you over… be an adjunct to who you already are… everything you’ve crafted on your life journey.
The new learning is not meant to wipe you out… create a carbon copy. There are way too many of those.
Boring, boring… all the Carbon Copies. Like a stuck record. Gets old quick. Sticking to the ‘tried and true’. Well if nothing else these last 18mths have shown us super clearly… that ‘TRUTH’ is an illusive concept.
Is there any such thing?
Maybe it’s buried so deep… we don’t see it.
Hidden within our flesh, blood and bones.
Comforted and coddled in our Sacred Spaces.
Illuminated by Breath itself.
Our saviour… our redemption.
I’m sitting by Simpson’s Creek… it’s gloriously warm in the Sun. It’s mid-winter here. Only 3 days to the Winter Solstice. My favourite💋💋
The naughty Turkeys race around the muddy mangroves…. tides moving out. Squabbling, having words.
Raven friends add their raspy gravelly words… add their two bobs worth*.
The mangroves are a constant source of companionship, activity and presence. Oh yes… and Magick.
I’ve done some washing, carried an overflowing recycle container to the bin (weeks worth😯)… clean sheets, airing all the added winter blankets. Sweeping and mopping. Cleaning’s good.
Creating space to find myself again.
The process and the choice… and the resulting form, is always mine to conjure.
Tides moving back to kiss the ocean. What an incredible process to witness each and every day.
Claim it all… it’s waiting for you … marilyn💋❤️💋
‘Adding their two bobs worth’ ~ an Aussie colloquialism meaning ‘ adding their opinion… for whatever it’s worth’
I’m just about functioning ~ promised myself a month off. Today’s the first day. I’m in a strange and new place. The exhaustion’s familiar… the come to a stop. But the place I’m in within and between… is new.
It’s kinda low… ’cause exhaustion is weighty, it pulls you down. Gravity force is strong.
At the same time… there’s this elevation, clear skies and more light. It’s clear up here.
Don’t think I’ve been here before.
Every day is new, every moment.. Life’s extraordinary like that. Her expansive creativity never needs to repeat. Every moment original. Just imagine the scope!!
The moment may be brand new, but the files and tapes we carry, broadcasting constantly… are old. Really old.
So we’re kinda here… but not. Living some time else.
This new space ~ feels elevated. Heavy and Light both at the same time.
It feels free… unchained.
I’ve arrived somewhere new.
Been travelling. Covering ground. Though you never really know where you’ll arrive at.
Life is fun and creative like that.
I sent off the last Major (yesterday)… last dragging bit of the Coaching training.
This was a BIG crossing… I could feel it.
The old Terror was activated.
I didn’t know if I could do it. This last bit seemed insurmountable.
It was full of so much… the ‘old stuff’. The old terror was being stirred.
Almost walked away. I’d completed and graduated from all the rest of the training… I didn’t need to do this.
Then old Warrior Marilyn surfaced (brings back many memories)… she’s been around for a long time. Since way back when. I remember. Some amazing scrapes she’s got me out of.
I forget her… caught up in the heavy weights. The wounds and bruises. The Loss… man can they weigh heavy. Then out of the blue she arrives… her will is forged in steel. She’s not letting go. You can’t budge her.
I’m so glad I have her. Man… have I needed her. I desire to remember her more.
With that will of steel… unfortunately, temperance can slip. Super focused on what needs to be done. Poor body gets dragged along.
It was more than the body this time… more than pushing her too hard. It was the territories I crossed… the lands I navigated. The invisible barriers I had to cross. Uncovering stuff buried super deep. Never meant to be uncovered. Hard territory.
‘I did it’… I wrote, accompanying my graduation material. I did it… but way more than was included in those words, pages and audio.
I’m in a new place.
My body, mind, emotional bodies are tired… very tired. I’m giving myself a month. I hope I can honour that. Not get tempted back into the fray.
Next is the moving… the offer on my cabin. Not even sure where to start with that.
Who do I need to help me with that?
We’re heading toward my favourite Ritualistic Celebration of the year… the Winter Solstice.
Have a happy life… seek love and peace and luscious nurturing.
Each step is a success. Each moment we caress our breath… we have achieved the ultimate gift. We’re alive.
Yeah… easy to become distracted from that miracle happening each and every moment. I know about distractions… me and them intimately entwined.
Moving away… creating some distance. Allowing, letting go… having patience with Telstra. Oops… did I say that? Frustrations reaching epic proportions… seeming like mountains… Everest couldn’t compare. Confusion, chaos… how can things possible be so bad? At least completely dysfunctional?
I’m pretty ‘bright’… yet I’ve never been able to work it out.
I get caught in the net… each and every time. I start holding tight to my breath… doesn’t take long before the ends are ragged… and that holding seems lost forever.
How can anything be so chaotic? Yeah… welcome to the world we live in.
Progress… well we left that behind some time ago. A world of make-believe… whimsical forms enticing… calling your name. The most perfect form has you salivating… those machines are good at pretend.
Get up close… the bubble bursts. You can hear their evil laugh echoing as you crawl away. Shoulders limping, heart in tears, body shaking with the anger… been tricked again. Why do you believe?
Why do you think they will meet you half way? Haven’t you learned? ‘It’s not that’ you whimper… ‘I believe if Faerie tales’… you know the true kind. The ones you’ve carried in your heart since… well, forever.
The blue skies… the warm and nurturing Sun. The garden thriving… each and every one of them. No one is missed, none are left behind. The great arms of the Mother holds all to her massive breasts. She knows how to nurture… she’s not a carbon cut out. A mechanical production… good, yeah. Then you walk up close… and poof it all disappears.
How do we get tricked? Aren’t we smart? What happened… how did it get to this. Make believe on every corner, shining from billboards, calling your name. Their approach keeps getting refined… purer purer (well in their minds), nearer, nearer… they follow you around. Every single moment haunted, reminded… to whom you really belong.
Metal chords… silicone breasts… we’ll never get any nutrients from them. Pretend pretend… it’s perfected each and every second.
As we meander, sleep walking… over the cliff.
No… they’re not coming to collect our crushed and bloody body. Haven’t you clicked… they’re not here for you. They just want what they can steal.
I glance beyond the long glass doors… the magick colour of the river, an indescribable colour. So pure, so clear, so clean, so perfect… gently flows filling the creek. Renewing the mangroves… bringing life, feeding them all. A paddler glides through the perfection. A perfection unimaginable. What magick… real, true magick is here, happening all the time. Beneath, below, beside all the make belief.
We have a choice… even when we think we don’t. What do we choose?
The sand is moving quickly through the glass. Our time is limited here. What will we create? How do we choose to live our life? These questions are important now. Really really important. We’re at a crossing… and our way forward has never been so important.
Immerse ourselves in make-believe… or dare to face what’s true?
I can tell you for sure… MAGICK IS REAL… and it’s happening RIGHT NOW. Connect and know it to be true.