I’m ready, I’m ok, I accept, I acknowledge

The appointment with the doctor, the nervous tension that’s been building… as the day approached.  No reminder text arrived, maybe they’ve forgotten me.  Has happened before.  Opening time not till later… decided to do fluid body activation practice to calm my nervous system.  Activating the fluid body stimulates the parasympathetic system.  I’m learning to move to this place more and more.  After years of heightened arousal.

It was a deep and potent experience.  Lots came up.  My Ortho-bionomy and Energy awareness enable me to observe and work with my spine in a more focused way.

It’s obvious the lack of response, the paralysis (past) of my left side.  And the contraction and tightness of my right side.

Doing this practice more regularly, as well as activating my fluid body/fascia and parasympathetic nervous system… I can work on my spine with Ortho-bionomy and energy work.

That ‘time’ came up.  My little girl.  My inner child that lives and exists within me. The one I often think of as ‘someone else’.  It’s hard to know her as me.  Yet she is.

I observed, I allowed, I accepted, I acknowledged, I Loved.  My intention in the Deep Rest work was – ‘I Love the Beauty of My Being’.

Everything I’ve done – all the training, learning, experience, trials and tribulations. All the suffering, all the loss, all the pain and anguish.  All the sacrifice, all the victimhood, all the anger, all the rage.  All the depression, all the loneliness, all the joy, all the happiness.  Everything is for my healing.

So I can be whole once again.

I have so much to be proud of, so much to be grateful for; so much to cherish, admire and adore.  I am a wonder, a miracle… a precious life in evolution.  I am blessed and loved beyond what I could ever imagine. I truly am a child of god… one lovingly and personally created by the Great Life Force itself.  That one beating Heart of Life… the Love from which everything originates.

I am mercy, I am compassion, I am unity and can never be divided.  I am whole, I am complete.  I am knowledge, I am wisdom.  I am everything and will be forever more. I am a speck, so tiny… and yet so powerful and great.  I am created to be everything.

That practice this morning uncovered so much… the separation between me and my little girl.  The distance that’s been created… the locked doors and impenetrable walls.  The hiding, so much hiding.  The fear that had frozen my blood creating cracks in my artery walls.  The stiffness, the immobility, the paralysis… the wish to die.  To end the suffering, to alleviate the pain.  To stop the harassment… to forget, to forget.

But we never forget, we never forget.  All that ever was exists in my body… calling out, crying out to be given a seat at the table in my heart.

I’ve taken off the shades, taken the cotton from my ears, opened my eyes, removed my arms from around my chest.  I’m ready, I’m ok, I accept, I acknowledge.  I know no fear… it’s only a shadow.  Look for the Light… welcome it in.

I feel the beat of the drums… so sacred, so healing.  Their beat and rhythm synchronising my heart waves.  My home, my life… been waiting for all along.  I sing, I rejoice.  I’m home once again.

I love myself truly… every cell, every atom.  Every molecule, every hair, every nail, bone and membrane.  I love it all.  It’s a miracle I exist.

Most importantly – I accept myself.  I invite my self to sit in the throne of my Heart.  I am me and I live on planet Earth.  I celebrate my existence.

much love to you 💚🧚‍♂️💚

Gunna, gunna ~ never manifests

Azalea Cerise Deva-line Flower Essence ~ ‘brewing’ in the sun.

Azalea Cerise …  a very potent remedy ~ the Divine Feminine energy of Love, come to sooth my soul.  Divine and Royal Queen of the Night, full of beauty, she comes to heal my heart.   She gives me a glimpse of where I’ve traveled.  She encourages me to have compassion for myself, to allow the healing.   At my lowest point the help is there, surrendering control accepting the assistance.   Azalea Cerise reveals the magick behind living.  I am never alone.  I will always be guided to that which is best for me.  The love for me is eternal.

Glimpses of where I’ve travelled… during my Jade Egg practice this morning.  I drifted back to that brave little girl that got me through, so I could be here… at seventy years old.  I often think of her as her, not me.  But it’s me.  It’s me that had that courage and faith.  It’s me that had that will and strength.  It’s me who was so incredibly brave, for one so small.  It’s me that’s got me here.  It’s me that is and always has been so powerful and so wise.

Yes it’s easy to forget.  It’s easy to get caught up in what’s wrong.  It’s easy to get enmeshed in the web of separation; to the lack of unity, to judgement and comparison.

But then it’s easy to be here now.  What do we need to release, to let go… to sink deeply into this moment of time.  To where I am here and now.

Life can be distracting ~ these days more than ever.  Everyone wants our attention… it’s gone from billboards to our bedrooms and lounge rooms.  Even time you click on that device, in they pour… hands waving, crowds pushing forward… everyone wants a piece of you.

Searching for happiness in all the wrong places.

I began this post with ‘gunna, gunna ~ never manifests’… well that’s procrastination. Putting off for the day that never comes.  And then what, we die before we get the chance.  I’ve seen it, I know it.  What does it take to wake us from our frozen state, our fear… of what?  Not good enough, not enough, not enough.

It’s 2019 ~ and tsunami size waves are heading toward us.  Change is approaching on scales we’ve not experienced.  It’s not about fear, but curiosity and openness… what new ways do we need to learn, what do we need to let go off?  How can we dig deep, what tools do we need?  What do we long for, what do we ache for?  What do we want at the core of our self?  Who we are when we stand alone?  Who is our highest and brightest self?  How can we be all that we know?  How can we connect with the great Heart of Life?  I feel her, I get lost in her sometimes.  It’s exquisite that feeling of uniting with everything.

What’s calling us, wanting us… from inside us?  What does it mean, how does it feel to be a real human being?  How can we become the highest manifestation of ourselves?

Wishing you a year of great discoveries and wondrous moments of luxuriating in your own deep restful cave.

much love ~ marilyn 🙏