Month: February 2013

in my front garden . . . .

 

I believe in Healing . . . I do . . . it’s not just trying to convince myself . . . I ‘know’ it’s a reality.  But boy . . .  is it a journey!  And no telling how long it’s going to take . . . it takes the time, that’s needed.  I’m learning so much . . . my biggest lessons, and there are many, ‘letting go’, ‘trusting’ . . . having patience . . . and living in the moment.  Well, the last one’s not that difficult even for one with an over-active, over-stimulated brain like mine . . . ’cause I’m also very sensitive to Energy . . . to all the Beauty and Love . . . that surrounds me . . . constantly.

I mentioned on the last blog that I’d undertaken a Healing Intensive mid-way thru (I like to write it this way) last December.  Well, it wasn’t a new concept as I’d already been on one for nearly two years by then.  Somethings just take the time they do . . . and there’s no rushing them.  I also mentioned that I’m now in . . . well actually just past . . . the second month.  I set the time, this three-month thing . . . who knows, it may need longer.  But as far as the three-month thing goes . . . I’m on the home stretch.  Well. . . there are days where I feel I’m deeper into . ..  whatever this is . . . than ever before.

You see . . . I contracted the Polio virus when I was a wee young girl . .  three, to be exact.  Now, it’s not something I ever spoke of . . or gave any attention to.  Yes, my physical Body showed the effects . .  but I became very good at hiding those.  Now, as I’ve said many times before . . . I’m not fond of labels . . . and even less fond of the modern medical system.  I’m not putting them down here . . . I’m not . . . they just don’t work for me . . . and never have.  I can’t ignore that.  So my search for answers always came down to me . . . my discovery, my understanding.  I know more about my Body than anyone else . . . as do we all.

Over the last years I’ve often referred to ‘my Body and me’ . . . it’s been a long journey . . . full of discovery.

The last few years have been particularly interesting.  They have been focused, entirely, on Healing.  Now . . . I ‘use to be’ a very active girl . .  hey, I’m a double Rat (Chinese Astrology) . . . and a Virgo, Capricorn Moon . . . and a very busy Gemini rising.  Not one for sitting on the sidelines waiting for things to happen.

Three years ago . .  my focus, aim and wholesome wish . . . was to create a Sacred Healing Environment . . . I felt it was ‘time’ and it was ‘needed’.  Well, yes it was . . . but by me.  I’ve never done so little . . . ever!!  Hours upon hours I’ve laid horizontal on my sun-bed, on my beautiful verandah.  This incredibly special, Sacred place . . . I called Mahalia . . . was given to me . . . for my Healing . . . and it continues.

It’s just some days are more difficult than others.

Some days I feel I’m improving . . . then there are others where, well, it’s really a struggle.  I’m not so affected anymore (well . . . as much!!!) by watching the grass grow, the garden go wild . . . ’cause there’s nothing I can really do.  Letting go  . . . has been such a big one.  especially for a little fussy Virgo like me.

my dear friend Snowie

 

Yesterday I went on the bus to Kyogle . . . first time I’ve been on the bus for ages.  I knew I could no longer do the longer trip to Lismore, I just couldn’t.  But I wanted to get some supplies, especially some vegie and flower seeds . . . I wanted to do some planting . .  it’s a supportive Moon cycle.  Catching the bus means you’re in Kyogle for 6 hours . . . later bus arrives around 9am . .  and leaves just before 3pm.  It’s a long day . . . especially when you’re not used to it.

Since the 3 months ‘Intensive’ began I’ve done even less than before . . . no bus trips.  It was a long day and I had to carry groceries, even thou I took my trolley.  By the end of the day I was really struggling.  Last night I lay flat in front of the TV . . . I don’t watch much TV these days, I find it too grosse  . . . I was just too tired to move.  . . or attempt to read.  Yes, I know. . . it would have been more supportive if I’d showered and gone straight to bed.  But I needed to prepare some dinner, eat . . . and allow some time after before sleeping.

This morning. . . I feel terrible.  My whole system is jarred, out of rhythm, harmony and any natural order.  Doesn’t look likely there’ll be any planting on this wonderful Moon day . . . and well, it hasn’t stopped raining for ages!!  It’s at these times I feel disheartened . . . when will it ever get better . . . my faith falters, my ‘knowing’ covered by pain and discomfort.  Why am I writing this and not in bed . . . I will be back in bed soon . . I just felt it might be clearer to me, if I wrote it.  Especially publicly.

Yes . .  I do believe in Healing. . . with all my Heart and Soul.  I know it intuitively, I understand the process.  Surrendering my Body to the process, I was going to say ‘takes courage’ . .  but it doesn’t really . . . it’s not really courageous . . . it’s simply knowing.

As is the case in these strange and nebulous Body issues . . . ‘labels’ are difficult to formulate . . . which I guess is positive, not being a fan of labels.  The Doctors (which I very rarely ever see) label it Post Polio.  I guess this can be helpful, it connects me to the local Community Nursing, which can offer reduced rates for cleaning etc.

Now that’s a major adjustment . . . having someone clean my house . . . I never thought I’d live to see it.  But I am living to a ripe old age . .  by the Grace of the Creator, that is.  Really I’m grateful for whatever I get . . . but I do get the sense there are many years ahead of me yet.  And . .  the only way that can be . . . is if I Heal myself . . . which is exactly what I’ve undertaken.

 

I give volumes of thanks to my Ancestors . . . for fine tuning their skills.  So many, have been passed on to me.  For this I am eternally grateful.  Without these ‘gifts’ my self Healing would be that much more difficult.  There are ‘things’ I ‘know’, memories I have . . such beautiful skills I’ve inherited . . . their wisdom I carry . . . I’m forever grateful.  As it’s with these skills. . . that my Healing will be possible.

I am Healing. . . I am Healing . . . I am Healing.  I trust the natural flow . .  I accept the time my Body needs . .  I support her in every moment . . I Love her unconditionally . . . I give her what she needs . . . I whisper wonderful words into her ears . . . I feel her Energy . . . I understand her nature . . . I love her unconditionally.

Healing is happening . . . it’s just some days are more difficult than others.

It’s been a very long . . . Mercury Retrograde . . . more on that later.

lotsa luv . . . and never forget . . just how much you are forever loved

marilynxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

 

It’s the second month of my ‘Healing Intensive’.  It’s a, quite, ‘in-the-moment’ Intensive . . .  allowing the natural flow of energy and events voice and discussion.  ‘Healing’ is a fascinating, multi-dimensional activity.

We carry within us the remnants . . . usually in stored emotions and energetic blockages . . . of all we’ve experienced.  Particularly highly charged events . . . such as traumatic experiences . . . result in physical, energetic blockages within the Body.  Some of these may have been established many years before, some in early childhood . . . and some may be carried on from our parents, grandparents . . . and even further.

During this current journey I’ve undertaken . . . I’ve experienced the massive wound to the Feminine.  Without having to rehash all the ‘stuff’ that’s happened to the Feminine . . . over many centuries . . . what I can say, from personal experience . . . is that we carry those wounds within our Body.  These Emotional  memories create physical blockages . . . stopping the natural flow of Energy thru the Body.  Body parts, ie tissues, organs etc begin to die, without fresh Energy flow . . . . what follows is acute and chronic disease.

I’ve never taken on the label of a staunch Feminist . . . Life took me in another direction.  The first real indication I had, was at the stunning Venus Eclipse, mid last year.  That was a very powerful event for me.  I saw Venus rays descend to the Earth, I felt Venus rays on my skin . . . I experienced Venus rays enter my Body . . . this was real and physical.  I’m particularly happy about my strong ‘sense’ during times like these.

As I experienced Venus rays pass thru my skin and enter the internal sphere of my Body . . . I realized something significant.  I knew, without doubt, that I’d lived my life without her, she didn’t reside within my internal world . . . I’d lost the supreme icon of the Divine Feminine.  That was a startling realization.

I traced back to the time that Venus ‘left’ . . . I was very young.  A Girl, a Woman . . . living without Venus . . . seems an oxymoron . . . but alas, I feel it’s more than common.  Venus has been missing from our lives . . .  possibly for ages.  Could it be that she was ousted . . . during the early days of the patriarchy . . . far too much of a threat to remain in the Woman.

Recently . . . well since the last Full Moon . . . my stomach/intestines etc have been in revolt . . . most uncomfortable.  Fortunately, I understand and believe what I do . . . I knew there were deeper issues.  It’s not always so easy to find ‘therapists’ that can actually work harmoniously with what you know and understand.

My mind was trying to scare me . . . marilyn, I’d say . . . remember, you don’t believe in that!!  I had a pretty good idea what was going on . . . but physically nothing was moving on very fast.  It became difficult to eat . . . I needed some help.  But who to go to . . . always a quandary for me.

Finally yesterday I went to my Naturopath . . . well, she’s not your ‘normal’ naturopath . . . she’s trained and skilled, yes . . . but she’s an old Lemurian like me . . . with old Celtic roots . . . she understands about energy . . . and ‘things’ that can’t be ‘seen’.  She’s a gem.

Yes . . . it was what I thought it was . . .  energetically based.  Now, this does affect the physical . . . my symptoms were incredibly physical.  This issue of the severe wounding to the Feminine runs deep . . . and, I believe, is the basis for a lot of physical issues, especially for women.

With her help, I was able to ‘see’ a deeper issue, I’d not been aware of.  Yes, I knew I had authority, male and power issues . . . my Solar Plexus reminded me of that constantly.  My previous partner often commenting, when he saw me rubbing my tummy . . . . o-oh, something’s happening!

But what I hadn’t ‘seen’ before . . . was myself imprisoned, caged, restricted . . . but what I’d really forgotten was the ultimate power of the Feminine.

Living in the age of the Patriarchy . . . it’s been easier to see the power of the Masculine . . . but more difficult, if at all possible, to see the true power of the Feminine.  I’m grateful for yesterday, for the help I received . . . that there are people around . . who know more that the usual rhetoric.  There is deeper understanding about Life and the Body.  Being aware is the first step . . . trusting ourself is not always easy, sometimes we need the harmonious support of others.

The wound to the Feminine is physical  . . . . and it shows up in the usual places.  We are Women, we need to be aware and be proud . . . of the Power given to us . . . for Life, for Loving . . . for nurturing.  I believe this is what’s happening at present . . . the balancing that’s needed . .  the Healing of the Divine Feminine.  She is the missing piece.  We are all moving toward the Age of the Heart . . . . having been steeply embedded in the Age of Power (Solar Plexus).  This Age was necessary for our evolution as a species . . . but its run it’s course and has peaked!  As we’re well aware.  We’ve all learned about Power manifestation . . . we needed to learn it . . . it’s use and abuse.  We’re currently in the last days of this Age . . . well, may be years . . . it’s as if we had to see the destructive use of Power as well . . . which at present, is happening all around us.

Evolution is movement . . . and we are moving from the Solar Plexus Energy Centre (chakra) to the Heart Energy Centre (chakra) . . . . everything is Energy and is governed by these laws.

We’ve entered the outer circle of the Heart Energy Centre . . .  here the Divine Feminine resides . . . we are coming into an Age of the Feminine . .  where things will change dramatically.  We’re not quite there yet . . . the crossing over of Ages takes the time it does . . . so we learn the lessons we need to learn.  But if we  keep our focus on that tiny light . . . emanating from the new world awaiting us . . . it will inspire us to continue to Love and Trust . . . to share the Beauty and the nurturing . . . to allow the Divine Feminine . . . to Birth in our very Body . . . . she’s been waiting patiently.   We each need to do this . . . individually.

Lotsa luv

marilynxxxx