Month: May 2012

‘seeing into the distance’

As I mentioned before, I have a strong sense to uncover. . .could be Mars in Scorpio, delving into the most hidden corners.  Having a serious illness as a child peaked my curiosity. . .’cause what I  heard and what I ‘saw’ and what I felt. . . often were very different.

I clearly remember a time. . .I was about 7 yrs old, I was sitting with my parents at a big desk. . .  well it looked huge to me. . . and the other side was my Doctor and he was talking (about me) to my parents.  I remember he had a kind face, and radiated caring energy. . but it was the words coming out of his mouth that caught my attention. .  I said to myself quietly. . .”He has no idea what he’s talking about”.  Now I certainly don’t imply any disrespect for this man, most obviously left from this Earth now, but from a very young age, before this time, I had the uncanny ability to ‘know’ and ‘see’ things.

I was only very small when I went to live in the hospital. . . so obviously a lot of different emotions were raging thru me.  But the memory of ‘seeing’ and ‘knowing’ are strong. . .it was like I was standing somewhere else and observing the scene.  I  saw children leave their bodies and float thru the air, could hear the distress but I saw they were fine.  Their bodies were no longer capable of holding their soul. . .others were sad but they were OK.

I felt lots of fear in the atmosphere, it wasn’t the children. . .it was the medical staff. . .’cause ‘inside’ they had no idea what to do.  These are my memories,  the memories of a small child.  Children are a lot more aware than most think. . .their intuitive sense is foremost in their body system.  But when our bodies are small, no one really listens. . .they believe we don’t know. . .how on earth could we?

But I know different. . .and in the most extreme circumstances. . .life and death. . .fear and panic.

Yes, of course I was affected. . . .the human psychology works that way. . . I carried the memories, the fear and the confusion.  But it also gave me the opportunity to search for answers. . .seek and ye shall find. . . I certainly took advantage.

The body and the psyche work as one. . .so yes there have been physical symptoms attached on this journey. . . but that’s OK, I don’t think I’d swap it. . . .I’ve had a life rich in learning.

I’m still learning now. . .the journey continues. . . my body and me, intimate companions.  And coming as a Virgo, you have to have a giggle. . . Virgo’s body’s are probably THE MOST sensitive. . . .and also the magnificent connection between mind and body.

Virgo is the Healer, the Goddess, the Purifier. . . .she’s more familiar with ‘other’ dimensions. . .of ‘beings’ on this planet.  She connects with the essence, the ‘invisible’ approach her. . .she has such a kind heart. . .she just want to ease all that suffering.

But she’s a delicate soul. . .she’s a different kind of Earth. . . she’s the energy that creates the physical earth that we live on.

So if you pass a Virgo along the road. . . .give her a smile. . .from your heart. . .she needs this. . . to carry on.

 

oodles of love

marilynxxx

 

 ‘ sunrise on a cold Autumn morning’

 

The 50’s were. . .as they were; coming out the other side of a world war and a depression. . .creating a new frontier.  The media portrayed the ‘Perfect’ scene, all was well on the home front.  The ‘Stepford Wives’ comes to mind. . .but in reality it was far removed from what was really going on.  Wounded men back from the war. . . .Post Traumatic Stress wasn’t recognised then. . .in some families life was a hell of a lot less than  perfect.

A lot of men signed up. . . .and they were only kids; boys being boys. . .off for an adventure, be brave and save your country.  No one could have foreseen the damage that would be wreaked on communities.  Many returned servicemen needing a lot of help, but a lot of them just turned to grog.  Domestic violence was hidden but there. . .these men weren’t coping. . .and it was very obvious.  Sure, not all would have fallen into this hole. . . .but there were a lot. . .and it was never spoken of.  Just ask any Vet what is was like in a war. . how they felt, how they struggled when they returned.

The 50’s were an ‘interesting’ time. . .for many reasons.

The last Polio epidemic hit Australia in 1951. . . a few years before the vaccination. putting all these elements together in a community. . .a lot of different energy is generated.  I guess the choice was to create a fantasy life. . .bit like how we do now with the internet.  Humans like to create they do. . .just sometimes this energy is used in the wrong way.  So what’s wrong with ‘creating’ a new image for all to follow. . .. well fantasy and reality often don’t meet in the middle.

Money was scarce, men back from the war. . .focus on beginning a new life. . .of abundance and growth, well I guess it gave people some hope or something to work towards.

But everything needs to begin with ‘me’, who I am, what I want. . . .you can’t take the outside image and paste it on yourself. . . .needs to be real, needs support.

So having Polio in the 50’s was full of many things. . .how did it happen and what was our response.

I read an article of the epidemic in the U.S. . . . .they spoke about the fear being at epidemic levels. . .people would cross the road to avoid a family whose child had been ‘struck down’ with the virus, people would  no longer visit. But strangely the thing most people feared, was not dying but being disabled. . . .now that’s very telling of the time. . . .the fear of not being ‘NORMAL’.

I’ve read stories of other people who succumbed to the Virus. . .now I think of myself as an individual, not an ‘average’ person. . .but reading these stories was like reading my own. . .it gave me goosebumps. . .and I wondered, how is this possible. . .that our experiences were the same.  The word ‘NORMAL’ comes up a lot in these stories, people relate of their journey with Polio. . .and it’s a word I have used often. . . . and still do at times. . .a bit less now.

In the decade of ‘NORMAL’. . .down to the “T”. . . .here are all these little children. . .with deformed bodies. . .society in general found this very difficult to accept.  They thought all the bad stuff had gone away, here was a new time when everything was perfect. . . .look at the pictures, smiling faces, lovely cotton sun dress,  a freshly ironed apron. . .hair that’s been coutured, full make-up applied. . .the perfect housewife. . . .doing all her chores.  Perfect children, so neat and clean. . .spotless houses. . .all in order.  Except when the door was closed. . .and the demons began haunting. . . .nightmares from the war often came visiting.

So when you take in the whole picture. . .yes there are stories to tell. . .it’s all an evolution. . .learning how to be real.  And all that happens in our life. . .is really a blessing. . .we get to learn, we get to experience. . . . . .the human condition.  And we get to pursue. . .. HEALING.

 

bucketloads of love

marilynxxx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

‘my beautiful Mum’

We didn’t have a car. . .it was 1951. . .so public transport was how we got around.  We were living in Ultimo. . Harris St, there was a small Men’s Barber shop at the front with a residence behind.  We. . me, Mum & Dad were living with relatives and it was Mum’s brother’s father in- law that was the local Barber.  I can still recall the light blue colour in the shop, the shape and the steps and door into the living area. . .that’s about all. . . .ooh and of course the little backyard.  It was only about 6 metres square. . .all brick, with high brick walls.. . .don’t recall there being much of a garden. . .just an area to sit and play.

Well, Mum’s emergency signal was activated and she knew what she had to do.  I read a bit about the epidemic in 1951 and how people were generally on alert. . . a lot of fear in the air, as the virus was targeting children. . .and consequences of infection could be fatal.  Yes, Mum had laser vision that could penetrate steel. . .but add to that the heightened anxiety existing in the community.  No one knew who would go down with it next.  It appeared to target with random selection. . . .no-one being safe from its insidious energy.

Within a very brief space of time we were on the bus heading toward the hospital.

I really don’t remember much about the hospital’s environment. . .there are times I’ve spontaneously ‘gone back’ and awoken certain memories, but most of it’s still hidden.  I have heard, that they may not have been the friendliest place for a child. . .the attitude toward children had a certain flavour back then. . . .’to be seen and not heard’.

Anyway we arrived, my poor dear Mum must have been feeling terrible. . .she ‘knew’ something was wrong. . .there was no doubt in her mind.  After the usual waiting time, filling out forms etc. . .we went in to see the Doctor.  “There’s something wrong with her” my Mother said. .  the Doctor began his examination.  Some time elapsed and “I can’t find anything wrong”. . . .  “well look again”, “there is something there” Mum insisted.  I can imagine the atmosphere.  A young Mother with her little girl, a Doctor being challenged. . . .I can almost feel the vibes. But Mum insisted, she would not leave. . .Another examination, still nothing. . .”she probably just wants attention” says Dr. . .I can almost see the steam now coming from my Mum’s head. . .”she’s not that kind of child” Mum sternly retorted.

From personal experience, I can imagine, the atmosphere becoming very heated.

“Well, if you insist, there will be a specialist here late this afternoon, you can stay and see him if you want” was the Dr’s final response. . .so she did.

If I step back a bit and take in all the scene. . . it was 1951 and a Polio Epidemic was raging, children dropping. . .all over Sydney.  Mum cradling her 3 yr old, sitting in a cold and sterile hospital ALL DAY. . .knowing something was wrong, and wanting someone to confirm it.  It must have been incredibly difficult.  But a Mother’s love is fiercely protective, nothing will get in the way of a Mother saving her baby.

Later that afternoon the specialist arrived and we soon went in to see him. . . the same procedure began, an examination completed. . .”There’s nothing wrong” the specialist says. . . .well I can just about imagine Mum at that point. . .ready to explode!  “There is something wrong” she said, I want you to examine her again. . . .so very reluctantly he did. . .

and then “By God! I believe it’s the first stages of Polio”. . . “I knew there was something wrong” said Mum.

But I guess then the reality set in. . .and a very new chapter began. . .nothing would remain the same.

 

 

‘The Heart of the City’. . . .done in memory of my dearest Mum

Boy. . .haven’t even begun to type. . .but approaching this chapter has brought up many body symptoms. . ..my belly is tight, anxiety present, so too my chest. . .now my throat is restricting.  Need to breathe deeply. . .slowly. . .one by one. . .you are safe marilyn. . .you are here and now. . .no one can hurt you. . . .anymore.  Tears are beginning to well behind my eyes, my chest so sore, my throat so raw. . . .the Body, a magnificence beyond duplication. . . .everything exist there. . .I just need the right password. . .to enter her world of past, present and future.

So gently I’ll go. . .step by step. . .what feels safe. . .what feels protected.  A lot is happening.  Who would have thought, just by beginning to write. . . it all comes alive. . . . the body communicating its memories.

Such a need for gentleness with myself. . .a life full of memories stored in my cells. . .yes, I’ve been getting help to release these gently. . . .but only I can experience my Body. . .she is the Goddess of the Sacred Chamber of my ‘gatherings’.

Yes I’ve been a Gatherer. . . collected much on my journey. . .stored it all away. . .away from my awareness. . .poked down, hidden away. . .now I don’t see it. . . .ah no, no, no. . . .it’s all still alive there.  Gentleness, gentleness, kindness and caring. . .all these needed to approach this chamber.  And as I begin to love and care, show unlimited kindness to myself. . .then surprise, surprise. . .it all floods in from others.

So gently, gently I’ll begin this second chapter. . . .my dear Mum’s high-powered vision caught something quickly.  The saddest thing about my dearest Mother, is she never really understood all her magickal powers. . . they could have helped her. . .to transform the victim. And maybe that’s why ‘they’ won’t allow me to do the same. . .mind you it’s taken some time. . .I’m now 63. . . better late than never, I always say. . .with a Capricorn Moon I’m a bit of a late bloomer.

I did all the classes in ‘Practical’ in my early years. . .must have asked to ‘experience everything for myself’. . . .ask and it will be given. . .yes it works that way. . . .did I say I’m ALL 7’s (numerologically). . .yes ALL 7’s. . .well say  no more!

So I’ve already written a lot and I haven’t begun, but it needs to be real, here and now. . .so I accept all that needs to be expressed.

Mum picked me up and off we went. . .Camperdown Children’s Hospital, yes I remember it. ( The tightness in my chest is increasing as I write. . .slowly, slowly, just do what feels good.)

Usually when I’ve recalled this story. . .I found it quite humorous. . .my dear Mother and the Doctors locking heads in a battle.  But it needs to be told here, with respect to my Body.

In fact I may need to leave it here. . .till later. . . .my Body really doesn’t want to go there just yet. . .

So Camperdown Children’s Hospital will need to wait until tomorrow

healing, love, magick and unlimited blessings

oodles of love

marilynxxx

‘My Body and Me’ was going to be the  name of my first book. . .. still may be, wait and see.  The journey with my Body has been long and learning. . .she’s taken me places, I would not voluntarily have offered.  I love her, I do, she’s just been a hard task master. . . ‘learning you want’ she says. . . ‘learning you’re getting’.

There must have been some wish before coming. . .to learn about the greatest of all creations, I obviously asked for it. . .’ask and it will be given’.  But you know what it’s like, with this anaesthetized air on Earth, not long after we arrive. . . .we conveniently forget everything.  On to a  new planet, strangeness everywhere. . .all our focus is just on surviving.  And the many calls for help. . .seem overwhelming. . .so many cries I hear, so much needs mending.

But you were told it would be hard, when you asked to come. . . you were told you would forget. . .but you just could not ever have imagined. . .what it would really be like.

Yes the Body is the only way I can exist on this planet. . .a Master Creation. . .surely unfathomable. . .but it has its quirks. . .it has its ways. . of communicating. . .when it’s not functioning as it needs to.

So back to the present. . .I can tell you a whole story of ‘before’, I will one day. . .when the Book’s finally done, and that will be only one. . .there will be more.

So my Body and me have been great companions. . . she’s needed extra care on my journey.  It seems it was the cause of a Virus. . .a real nasty one at that. . .but who knows how it works and what we need to happen, to learn what we’ve asked.

I was only little. . .just 3 yrs old. . .my Mum was watching me from the kitchen window. . .I was playing in the small brick walled, inner city Sydney suburb, backyard.  It was 1951 and families didn’t have a lot of money there. . but there was a community spirit that made up for any perceived losses.

Anyway Mum had eyesight like high-powered laser beams. . .the daughter of a Gypsy. . .her senses were extremely heightened.  As she was ‘keeping an eye’ as she did her chores. . .she noticed my neck falling to the side. . .that’s all she needed. . .up I was and on the way to the Camperdown Children’s Hospital. . . .which then became my home for some time.

Next chapter tomorrow . . . . .. .

lotsa luv all

marilynxxx

(recovering at home today. . .from a day of ‘struggling’ with my body. . . sigh. . . .you think I’d be used to it by now. . . . .but it always takes me by surprise. . .and I think I’m smart. . . . .!!!!   xxx)

What a glorious morning. . .light beams everywhere. . .’saw’ them coming, aura’s so brilliant.

I do have a gifted perception. . .doubting Thomas I called myself. . .but time to accept the many gifts I’ve been given.

But how do I take these out to the world. . .be rewarded equally, what I’m worth. . .please show me how to do this, direction is needed.

My nature is to stay hidden. . .Sun in the 4^th . . . Moon in the 8^th guarded by Saturn and Pluto . . .and with Pisces MC now you see me, now you don’t. . . .but with a Leo Venus like to be noticed.  My energy is transformational, fiery at times. . .penetrates to the depths. . .has awesome determination.  Not good to cross me. . .in meaningful ways. . .I won’t stand for deceit, violence or unconsciousness.

Now Pallas has moved into Aries. . .boy will she kick ass. . .no more kind,  sweet and gentle platitudes.. . .need to tell it how it is. . . . where it’s needed, she’ll roar like a lioness.

2012 a powerful year. . .prepared with exactness in 2011. . .down to the Underworld, pay homage to Hades. . .pay my dues, accept the offerings.  All needs to be transformed. . .for me to walk forward. . it’s time, it’s time to embody my greatness. ..  .my Ancestors stand in the wings cheering and roaring. . . . .’at last, at last she’s remembered. . .”

Light beams descending

Boy. . . the build up is strong

where do I feel it

I feel it in my chest

strong but gentle

penetrating softy

around my head

forehead and occiput

my eyes are squinting

with the light so brilliant

it’s a different kind of light

can’t capture it with my camera

strongest sense

is the one around my heart

I hear the chorus

I see them coming

Beings of Light

illuminated Auras

friends. . .they’re friends

we recognise each other

it fills my heart

this meeting

this chance

they do exist

just on another level

“you’re not alone

you never have been”

“we know it’s been hard

but we’re now here to join you”

tears well in my eyes

my heart radiating light

my friends are here

my brothers and sisters

“use your eyes

you have clarity of seeing”

“you must never doubt

your gifted perception”

they look so beautiful

they come surrounded in light

light beams, light beams

everywhere

gentle light beams

directed to the Earth

magickal presence

everywhere

all so still

drinking in the light

standing in Love

for our very special visitors

wherever I look

I see light radiating

everywhere

sparkles of dew

magick is happening

This amazing New Moon Pleaidian Eclipse

Thank You!

lotsa luv

marilynxxx